I want to start eating meals as a family but there are so many hurdles to overcome

You can buy a wee desk for your DH to sit in the dining room tucked away at the side for his work laptop.

Dining table from now on will be FOOD ONLY OP's DH, do you hear?🤨

I totally get it, I have 2 small children and no family help, but honestly it will create more issues than it solves

Is your DH on the autistic spectrum? Sensory issues are really common in ASD. Fish nuggets do not smell that bad.

Apart from breaded fish what else do you make them? Will everyone eat normal family meals like spaghetti bolognese, chilli and rice, pasta bakes, fajitas, baked chicken with potatoes and veg? Would your DH eat those? If not then maybe he needs to make his own food and you sit down and eat a proper meal with the kids.

Eat with your DC. They'll remember these times. Get chatting together. Use the dining table. Your DH can eat on his own.

Just solidarity I’m afraid. I have a fussy particular DH as well as being fussy and particular myself (although willing to eat far more of the kids friendly stuff than he is) along with an autistic ADHD 5 year old and an adventurous but highly strung 4 year old and finding a single meal everyone is willing to eat feels like a form of torture. Not to mention DH is a doctor on and off shifts and never hungry at the same time as anyone else. For a long time I felt like this was us because of DS’s high needs SEN but this same conversation recently broke out at one of my daughters school parties and all the other mums without any SEN involved were saying the exact same thing so I think it’s actually just really common. X

Family mealtimes with small children are hard work.

i remember my dad saying how lovely it was to eat as a family when I was wrangling my four year old twins and I just looked at him and he did have the grace to say “maybe not at this age”.

so if you want to eat in a more traditional way, it’s often easier to do it at lunchtime on the weekends.

is there a table in the dining room or is it completely set up as an office? In summer it’s often easier to eat outside and outside tables and chairs can be pretty cheap and you don’t have the smell issue.

if you do have a table in the dining room buy a cheap plastic mat or something to go underneath it (2 year olds are messy!) and maybe start with an inoffensive food - fish is notoriously smelly.

Even if your husband doesn't want to eat what you eat he is a father with responsibility for ensuring have all the skills they need to go out into the world. Table manners is one of them. Will he sit with you and help your children learn then perhaps eat afterwards if he's so picky. Surely he does eat. Can't he eat his different food in the same room? He obviously manages that when you eat out (and there are dozens of other people and smells in the room.

I would start with weekends. Eat main meal Sunday together and maybe Saturday breakfast or lunch. I find a roast chicken tends to be something most adults and kids will eat. Breakfast easy too.

Then build from there. I try to make sure there will be one aspect of the meal everyone likes and tweak around that.

You need a total reset, for everyone.

The dining room is for exactly that- dining. DH can work from there if he wants to but it will be used for it’s actual purpose, he can get used to that or work elsewhere.

Screen time for kids while eating stops immediately, and permanently, without exception. No tablet, no phone, no TV, it’s really bad for them not just their attention span but it prevents them being able to learn to eat mindfully and stop when they are full because they are distracted. It will be rough for a week or so and then it just becomes your new normal, say no, every time.

Meal plan- you can make a family activity out of this. For example maybe everyone gets to choose one meal each and you go from there.

Read your update, ban screens at the table. it’ll be impossible to restrict once he’s older if you don’t.

Step up and parent! You are the boss! Do you remember growing up? There was no tablet, was there? So your kids can eat without tablets too.

Your husband… well I’ve no advice there. Was he such a pain in the arse before you had children?

Your husband is the problem. I don't know what you do about that, but what does he actually bring to the table?

I can really tell the difference between children who are used to sitting at the table for meals and those who aren’t (when my children have friends for tea). You sound lovely. It’ll be worth the effort for your children. You could say that every Sunday you eat a Sunday lunch at the table in the dining room or similar.

Well it obviously isn’t fine as he’s unable to sit and eat quietly for a few minutes. Please, please switch it off and put it in the loft. He’s 6, he needs you to choose proper parenting over quick fixes with long term side effects.

Came here to say cheap rug under the table but someone beat me to it. Start small with eating in there on a weekend and maybe 1 night through the week. Could you play a game at the table afterwards so that the children get excited for the game afterwards and in turn become excited for meals at the table? Just make DH an amended version of what you’re having! One of the best things I ever bought was a serving dish with 4 different parts. I load it up with salad/fruit/cheese to accompany whatever we are having and everyone helps themselves. The conversation often naturally flows from there rather than us all sat being ‘served’.
Well done for trying OP and good luck!x

Tell DC the rules have changed - no tablet at meal times, no arguments. End of. They’ll be used to it in a week and will stop moaning when they see you’re not budging.

Agree with PPs you have a DH problem. If he’s fussy let him cook for himself, you cook for you and the DC and eat with them or get DH to cook half the meals inc things he likes.

Insist on using the dining room- put a rug down and just use one end of the table if DH wants to keep space for his work stuff. Start off with a weekly family meal or two on weekends and build up, but it needs to be family time with no screens, everyone talking and your DH getting over himself.

What foods does your husband eat? What do your kids eat? You need to plan things and come up with meals you all eat even if that means coming up with variations for either dh or the kids. We have a fussy child but it doesn't stop us eating together.

I'm sorry but I'm at a loss with the dining room/table thing. You have a dining room cant work out why your husband doesn't want it in a mess. Where does he eat then?

As for your son on the tablet on meals I think the solution is just to engage with him? I dont really get it not judging but we have never had screens during meals can't understand how that one started to be honest

Op despite having more time we manage to eat around dining table 3 times a week roughly because there’s after school activities or tea time with GPs. So if you can do it a few times a week that’s an achievement. Your biggest obstacle is your husband, you won’t get these years back so start using your dining room. No phones and tablet is important too so everyone is chatting about their day. Engage theb6 year old so he forgets about his tablet x

If it’s his office and he doesn’t want people eating in there, then fine (I know a lot of people who wouldn’t want to eat in their office). Can you get rid of the kitchen island?

As he is the fussy one, I only hope he is making his meals as then he gets what he likes. Can he incorporate other people’s preferences or cook for him and the children so you only have to cook for yourself or eat what he eats if you don’t want to cook?

I don’t see why you all had to eat together every day. Prioritise weekends when you aren’t working.

Why does your 6 year old have a tablet? They are absolutely hideous for the developing brain. Tbh I think that’s more of an issue than the not eating together