Things that look good in the movies but are probably shit IRL…

Group stuff..... Wrong movies?!?

Oh yes, this!! And nobody has to try and get a signal either!

Hair and make up always being perfect. Women, if course. Men are often allowed to look more like people actually do in real life.

I still think of Mare of Easttown and how refreshing it was to see Kate Winslet allowed to look a bit shit after working all the hours with barely any sleep.

And getting dressed after swimming. Nobody ever seems to struggle putting clothes on over hot, damp or salty skin - bras don't go wonky and the skinniest of jeans just slide on.

Yes - nobody ever has to do two-factor authentication. “Hang on a min while I wait for the text with the code so I can log in to this secret government site” 🤣

Mobiles phones in movies look so easy to use. People just lift them up and snap a picture in one smooth movement instead of fumbling about putting in the password, finding the camera App, then sizing up the image ready to take the picture.

More of a TV trope, this, but: shouting 'You can stick your rotten job!' at your boss, then turning on your heel and flouncing off, probably without another job to go to. (Tbf I once came very close to doing this in a particularly grim job, but managed to control myself, just.)

Oh, and one the soaps use constantly: saying 'flaming' as a substitute for the F word. I don't think I've ever heard anyone say 'flaming' outside of TV land!

If you want more of these, search for "Rule of perception" on the website TV Tropes.

It's always funny when a film actually does point out the absurdity of these. For example, in Bridget Jones's Diary, she gets into an open-top car with Daniel, like Grace Kelly, but then loses her scarf, and says "though ever so slightly less elegant under pressure".

My other favourite one is when a doorbell rings neatly after somebody finishes a sentence, normally talking about the caller. There's one episode of Vicar of Dibley where this happens several times.

Or yelled at "OI!!! YOU HAD YOUR BLEEDIN' EARFUL YET?"

How in thrillers people can just eavesdrop in public places unobserved just by standing behind a pillar peering round it or whatever.
IRL you would get hauled out immediately by security for looking very obviously dodgy!

People having conversations on planes in normal conversational tones. IRL there is too much ambient noise to do this. You need to raise your voice even to chat to the person next to you.

Parking. They always park right outside wherever it is they are going.

Sex against the wall.

On the subject of nightclubs: having any sort of meaningful conversation in one. In films somebody will stand on the other side of a table from somebody sitting down, and they will have an earnest conversation in normal voices where not a single word is missed. My experience of reality is:

(Somebody shouting in my ear): WWNNHHY PFFIE AVVUHN ABBLMT YEAH?
Me: WHAT?
WNNHY IMMJD AVVUHN ABBLMTTSH?
Me: WHAT? CAN'T HEAR YOU
SEDWHNNY ABBGGRED TENWABBLM
Me: NAH SORRY CAN'T HEAR YOU (waves hand near ear and shakes head).

It seems that in every murder programme the 'baddies' fire wildly for ages when the 'goodie' takes a couple of shots and wipes them out!
People have a normal sized suitcase but have a multitude of outfits, including coats and shoes, I can usually manage one pair of spare shoes in a suitcase and I wear the biggest items!

We have an open top car. No problems at all. Weather good, hats on, top down. Weather bad, top up.

When they go shopping or visit a Christmas market in Christmas films everyone is wandering serenely with packages ALREADY BEAUTIFULLY WRAPPED! Where are the plastic bags?

Could end up with a nasty infection as well.

But not a lovely trailing scarf, remember Isadora! I wonder if that really happened?

Reminds me of our first trip to the States years ago, we parked to go somewhere on a Mall and then we were discussing walking to the other side of the Mall to another shop. The woman behind the till was amazed that we were going to walk across the parking lot rather than take the car across.

These overly passionate scenes.. I don't think I've ever been THAT into someone. Seems a bit OTT and I'm sure it would look a bit fake (and definitely too try hard) if I tried to recreate any of it 😂

And the classic bumping into someone that in the movies it's almost romantic but in real life it's a pain in the arse 😆

Thank you!

As long as this thread is also in there. I am thinking montage scene of women all sitting in there scaggies with laptops and phones, Dorito dust covered decollatage, as they type their responses!

I have almost no money or time but....

(Can that be a scene? The pissed off single mother who is also a carer to her parents saying no again to a night out because she a) cant afford it b) if she can afford it she cant find someone to cover her caring duties c) if she can afford it and can find cover, her teenager needs a lift back from a "really important" party that night or d) all of the above is sorted but when it comes right down to it......she simply cannot be arsed.)

..... if and when I ever do finally win the lottery I will cheerfully fund this film as long as I get the first credit as Excecutive Producer!

I'm not surprised so many people have said shower sex...