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AIBU?

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Original poster

Nursry does a better job than me at bringing up my child

84 replies

wishitwasntme123 · 12/10/2025 15:56

Single parent. Zero support emotionally or physically or financially.

After spending the whole week with my kid (nursery was shut due to flood) I can safety say Ive got no patience and wish he didn't have me as a mum as I'm failing him

OP posts:
Original poster
wishitwasntme123 · 12/10/2025 17:05

3packspls · 12/10/2025 17:01

I’m not trying to catch you out!!!!

Bloody hell Op. I was asking what you did because being inside all week with a toddler would be awful for anyone

Says who? That's a huge judgement. As already explain I have these feelings regardless of being at home or not.

FYI I have a five bedroom house eith swimming pool and outside covered are with lots of toys. Also games room.

I love being at home as well. I work in a hospital and do home visits so being at home is actually relaxing.

But let the judgemental comments flow ....

OP posts:
Overthebow · 12/10/2025 17:03

OP what is it you want? Do you want some support to help you parent? You could contact social services and ask for some help.

3packspls · 12/10/2025 17:01

I’m not trying to catch you out!!!!

Bloody hell Op. I was asking what you did because being inside all week with a toddler would be awful for anyone

Original poster
wishitwasntme123 · 12/10/2025 16:56

Comedycook · 12/10/2025 16:49

Im sorry you're struggling op but your attitude to people on here is really not pleasant....you are responding as if we're trying to catch you out. If you don't want any help or advice and just want to rant then just say so.

No they are asking to provide a breakdown which I've said I don't want to do because it's personal and also I've had these feelings before and after.

But hey, no attitude if you want to push posters or provide information they don't want to use and no reference to what the staff at nursery provide - which is no different than being at home all day and going out in the garden. Don't need the judgement that you spend money to make yourself happy to be a mother.

OP posts:
Original poster
wishitwasntme123 · 12/10/2025 16:51

Bigpinksweater · 12/10/2025 16:48

He’ll have his own kids one day and forgive you lol.

Is his diet mainly healthy?
Does he have a fairly solid routine?
Is he outside every day, not bingeing on screens?
Do you read to him?
Do you regularly cuddle him?
Are you gentle with him aka no smacking?

If yes to all the above - you’re safe.

In my experience it’s only negligent parents that find it easy as they just sit their kids on tablets and throw freezer junk in the oven.

Haha
Sadly I don't think I'll be around for him as I'm already an older mam

OP posts:
Comedycook · 12/10/2025 16:49

Im sorry you're struggling op but your attitude to people on here is really not pleasant....you are responding as if we're trying to catch you out. If you don't want any help or advice and just want to rant then just say so.

Original poster
wishitwasntme123 · 12/10/2025 16:49

MrsKin90 · 12/10/2025 16:47

I sometimes feel the same with extended time with my little one. The nursery staff get to leave the children with their parents at the end of the day and have chosen that as their job so they naturally are going to have more patience with them.

How old is your little one? It's okay to find it hard because it IS hard but if you're really struggling emotionally can you reach out to your health visiting service or GP to see what mental health support is available in your area? Get some advice on how to manage better or try to develop a bigger level of resilience to children's special skill of pushing all your buttons at the same time? Our children shouldn't suffer because we're not reaching out for support. Not that I think your child is suffering but if you feel like you're failing and sometimes we do drop the ball as parents, it's okay to consider reaching out for help.

Thanks but I don't have any mental health difficulties. I've spoken to my HV and she's told me what I've written - unless you are a safeguarding case than they don't get involved. Told me to go to the gp and go did a questionnaire. Gp said Im not going to refer as you don't have any mental health conditions.

Perhaps people don't enjoy being a parent and Im one.

OP posts:
Bigpinksweater · 12/10/2025 16:48

He’ll have his own kids one day and forgive you lol.

Is his diet mainly healthy?
Does he have a fairly solid routine?
Is he outside every day, not bingeing on screens?
Do you read to him?
Do you regularly cuddle him?
Are you gentle with him aka no smacking?

If yes to all the above - you’re safe.

In my experience it’s only negligent parents that find it easy as they just sit their kids on tablets and throw freezer junk in the oven.

Original poster
wishitwasntme123 · 12/10/2025 16:47

Comedycook · 12/10/2025 16:45

People are trying to help you on here op...what did you actually do during the week. Obviously we know you looked after him...but did you go out much or stay at home? Meet up with anyone? Looking after a toddler all week on your own is very tough... working all week is probably easier! but there are ways to make it more bearable.

Ok

I went swimming, took him to the park. Went to visit my mum in a nursing home. Took him shopping. Went to see three friends. Walked up the eifle Tower and went on a pro Palestine march. Watched pepper pig. Got my nails did. Drive the car. Had a big poo. Read to him. Let him to watch TV whilst I went for a curry, think he likes MAFS. Went to phonic classes. Took him to spec savers.

OP posts:
MrsKin90 · 12/10/2025 16:47

I sometimes feel the same with extended time with my little one. The nursery staff get to leave the children with their parents at the end of the day and have chosen that as their job so they naturally are going to have more patience with them.

How old is your little one? It's okay to find it hard because it IS hard but if you're really struggling emotionally can you reach out to your health visiting service or GP to see what mental health support is available in your area? Get some advice on how to manage better or try to develop a bigger level of resilience to children's special skill of pushing all your buttons at the same time? Our children shouldn't suffer because we're not reaching out for support. Not that I think your child is suffering but if you feel like you're failing and sometimes we do drop the ball as parents, it's okay to consider reaching out for help.

Comedycook · 12/10/2025 16:45

People are trying to help you on here op...what did you actually do during the week. Obviously we know you looked after him...but did you go out much or stay at home? Meet up with anyone? Looking after a toddler all week on your own is very tough... working all week is probably easier! but there are ways to make it more bearable.

ButterPiesAreGreat · 12/10/2025 16:45

We often love our kids but don’t necessarily like them. 2 is an age where most parents can say that about their kids at some point.

People bang on about being bad parents but don’t consider what a bad parent really is. They're the ones who abuse or neglect their kids physically and emotionally. Losing your patience with a child is not being a bad parent. You’re tired, and not had a break. Of course you will be short on patience. Don’t strive to be perfect, and don’t best yourself up.

Fearfulsaints · 12/10/2025 16:45

Luckily nurseries exist in normal circumstances, so you can do a good job by picking a good nursery, paying for it, roof over head, food and being stable and lovinv in the evenings and weekends when you presumably find it less difficult as you've had a break.

Original poster
wishitwasntme123 · 12/10/2025 16:45

stillhiding1990 · 12/10/2025 16:36

Thanks but I was talking about after the op a poster asked how she spent the time off together and that was the response.

Show quote history

I did plenty of activities. Name it, I did it.

Still doesn't change my feelings two weeks before or two weeks from now.

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 12/10/2025 16:44

Not at all. The opposite in fact

Original poster
wishitwasntme123 · 12/10/2025 16:44

3packspls · 12/10/2025 16:38

Sitting inside with a toddler for a week… anyone would feel shit

being out, walks, park, swimming, playgroups etc…. Better surely?

but you can’t seem to see any difference

Show quote history

I'm not giving you an itinerary of what we did and no we didn't sit inside.... And even if we did, what's wrong with that? You have no idea what people have with regards to facilities at home or away.

The thing is, I did enough activities and what I wrote still stands. I'm a shit mum.

OP posts:
Original poster
wishitwasntme123 · 12/10/2025 16:42

Createausername1970 · 12/10/2025 16:42

Look OP, you obviously had a difficult time as a child, your mum was far from adequate.

Maybe you are terrified of acting like your mum did, maybe you recognise some of the same traits in your parenting.

Everyone on here has tried to help, to offer practical suggestions, bolster your confidence, but I am now thinking you are bored on a Sunday afternoon and being deliberately combative.

Have a good evening.

Show quote history

Too much honesty for you?

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 12/10/2025 16:42

wishitwasntme123 · 12/10/2025 16:15

Who defines adequate? Because my mum was adequate in that I haven't got a criminal record, wasn't abused, was fed and got an education.

I was horribly emotionally neglected that I self harmed, suicide idelation, eating disorders and now I don't form attachments.

But she was adequate.

Show quote history

Look OP, you obviously had a difficult time as a child, your mum was far from adequate.

Maybe you are terrified of acting like your mum did, maybe you recognise some of the same traits in your parenting.

Everyone on here has tried to help, to offer practical suggestions, bolster your confidence, but I am now thinking you are bored on a Sunday afternoon and being deliberately combative.

Have a good evening.

3packspls · 12/10/2025 16:38

wishitwasntme123 · 12/10/2025 16:36

Why? Me having a week of work iand what I did doesn't matter.. two weeks ago I had the same feeling

Show quote history

Sitting inside with a toddler for a week… anyone would feel shit

being out, walks, park, swimming, playgroups etc…. Better surely?

but you can’t seem to see any difference

3packspls · 12/10/2025 16:36

wishitwasntme123 · 12/10/2025 16:36

Looked after him. Not sure I'm going to break it down exactly what I did ... How is it relevant?

Show quote history

Sweet Jesus this is hard

so did you take him to park? Swimming? Anything like that?

Original poster
wishitwasntme123 · 12/10/2025 16:36

stillhiding1990 · 12/10/2025 16:36

Thanks but I was talking about after the op a poster asked how she spent the time off together and that was the response.

Show quote history

Why? Me having a week of work iand what I did doesn't matter.. two weeks ago I had the same feeling

OP posts:
Original poster
wishitwasntme123 · 12/10/2025 16:36

3packspls · 12/10/2025 16:31

Ok so my question was… what did you do on your week off with him?

Show quote history

Looked after him. Not sure I'm going to break it down exactly what I did ... How is it relevant?

OP posts:
stillhiding1990 · 12/10/2025 16:36

TheNightingalesStarling · 12/10/2025 16:34

Seriously...

Her first post... she was off with her son as nursery was closed.
She said she could WFH
Then she worked in a hospital... so making it obvious she couldn't work from home.

Show quote history

Thanks but I was talking about after the op a poster asked how she spent the time off together and that was the response.

TheNightingalesStarling · 12/10/2025 16:34

stillhiding1990 · 12/10/2025 16:32

I don’t think I am being weird. Someone asked what you did while you had your child last week, you said you work in a hospital and the child went with you

Edited
Show quote history

Seriously...

Her first post... she was off with her son as nursery was closed.
She said she could WFH
Then she worked in a hospital... so making it obvious she couldn't work from home.

stillhiding1990 · 12/10/2025 16:32

wishitwasntme123 · 12/10/2025 16:29

Why are people being weird?

Read what was quoted - I was asked if I took the week off work.

Edited
Show quote history

I don’t think I am being weird. Someone asked what you did while you had your child last week, you said you work in a hospital and the child went with you