Nursry does a better job than me at bringing up my child

5 bedroom house with swimming pool and a games room? You and your 2 year old must rattle around it!

Honestly, my dd loves nursery and I need a break. I can be a much better parent if she’s been to nursery. I’ve got a friend who’s a sahm and plans on homeschooling and I can’t imagine why you would do that. She plans wonderful activities for her son but her house is a massive mess and dirty. Something always has to give. I know in some ways 2 is easier than 1 but 3 is even easier. Now, if my daughter is annoyed she can tell me why. Even if she is screaming in the supermarket at least I have an idea what the problem is.

Op, you are not failing him at all. Children are tiring and not everyone is cut out for the hands on insta crafting Mum stuff all the time. My Mum was great but she didn't once play with me and my toys, take me swimming or even bake with me (she just used to give me mixing bowls and some flour to play with. Back then kids very much entertained themselves. Also it's hard to be patient sometimes, I found that and I was not a single parent. Give yourself a break.

Oh OP, that's a bloody tough age. Give yourself a break, you're being very hard on yourself!
Honestly, mine nearly broke me at that age, and I had a very hands-on DH and support from GP's!
It does get easier, I promise you.

I’ve never asked for support from SS as I don’t need it, I was suggesting a different service that you could try asking for support as the HV can’t offer any.

Parenting is hard - when mine were that age, I absolutely preferred being at work!

In terms of whether you are a good mom or not, ask yourself these questions (not expecting you to answer on here):

Does your child have clean clothes that fit them?
Does your child receive food and drinks that are nutritious?
Does your child have a bed to sleep in?
Does your child have a safe home?
Does your child have age appropriate toys?
Do you take your child to activities outside of the house?

If your child comes to you for a hug - do you hug them back?
Do you give your child spontaneous hugs?
Do you talk to them and interact with them?
Do you comfort them when they are upset and hurt?

I'm assuming the answer to the first set of questions is yes, from your answers on this thread. If the answer to the second lot of questions is also yes, then you are a good mom and you just need to figure out how to address the fear that your aren't because it isn't rooted in reality.

If the answer to any of those questions is no, then you need to seek some support.

Your HV is correct, that social services will only get involved if there is a safeguarding issue, but you can ask for support from Early Help services for which safeguarding is not a criteria. Search Early Help or Family Hubs in your area if you think you do need extra support - you can self refer (HVs are notoriously shite at referring to Early Help services)

The way I see it is that your are doing the right thing by him, your sending him to a nursery to give him what you can’t at the moment, if he was unhappy and hated the staff but you still sent him then I’d say you are a bad parent, but the fact your DS loves the staff and is getting everything he needs during the day is good parenting. As parents we don’t have to be perfect at everything, knowing our limits is important for us to understand.

Your DS is happy, loved and getting the education he needs. When he leaves nursery he will be in school getting the education he needs, social skills, and will hopefully have loving supportive teachers too. You will continue to be his parent who loves him and makes the best decisions for him to ensure he’s getting the things he needs.

I adore my children, I think I’m a good parent but there is absolutely no way I could give them the things they’re nursery and school teachers could give them.

No-one looking after a 2 year old 24/7 is going to have endless patience! It's hard, relentless and very very tiring. But I promise you, it won't always be like this - he will grow and change and be a funny, entertaining and interesting young person and you will have more time to yourself as time goes on. You're not a shit mum, you're doing it all on your own and that would be hard for anyone! I have 5 adult sons and they are such good company, they're kind and they're thoughtful and they make all those years of hard work and exhaustion worth it. Don't be so hard on yourself OP. Working in a nursery is not remotely as hard as being a parent.

FYI I have a five bedroom house eith swimming pool and outside covered are with lots of toys. Also games room.

single mum who works in a hospital and can’t wfh and does home visits?

Sure you do

Omg!!!

I wasn’t accusing you op!! I was trying to help.

Op… I was really sympathetic initially

now I’m… well, I just feel sad for your son tbh

Please give yourself a break. Being a single parent is so hard.

He will be older and starting to form friendships hopefully. You also care for him. Is there an option for him to continue to attend the nursery as wraparound care or in the holidays? Could he join a wee club or group that will give him continuity?

Op, your replies on here read almost as though you want to be flamed.

I get that, really I do, when I've been struggling as a parent it used to make me feel validated if I found someone on here who would agree, sometimes I would even post knowing I was going to get flamed and that it would make me feel worse which just confirmed I was, in fat, a shit parent. In reality I was just really struggling with my kids and my mental health.

I know you've spoken to your health visitor, but the advice to speak to SS is good advice. They may know of charities or other support for you when you're struggling.

It's hard going and the days are so long, plus you have work, and need to be responsible for absolutely everything in your sons life and your own. There's no shame in asking for help.

As a previously SM, don't be hard on yourself. 2 year olds are monsters 😅

When your son goes to school you can continue to work full time and he can go to afterschool or a childminder, so he has other caring adults in his life.

Or you could get an au pair if you have a spare room - they can keep him busy, entertained and feeling loved.

There are things you can do to help your son feel cared for and get a range of experiences.

But let the judgemental comments flow

I don't think there's been any judgemental comments op....just people genuinely trying to help and reassure you.