AIBU and expecting too much? Is this just married life?

Why are you with him? I wouldn't stand for that.

You had a child with a man you barely knew and now you’re seeing the reality. You’re a long way down his list of priorities.

Let’s be honest, if you hadn’t got pregnant very quickly and he was never home, you would have dumped him by now . He wants the facade of a happy family man while acting like he’s single.

This isn’t a relationship and no it’s not ‘just married life’

Hobbies five nights a week isn’t really on when you have young DC.

Then he goes to bed at seven rather than hang out with you? And you’re supposed to just take that?

You are barely in a relationship.

Your dh is living as if he is single.

It seems like you had children very quickly, you must’ve only been with him a few months before you found out you were pregnant?

I’d hazard a guess this is the type of man he is (I’d run a mile from him personally) and you’re only just finding out.

You need to sit him down and tell him that things need to drastically change if this relationship is going to continue. That you need twice a week for your hobbies/ time to yourself, he gets twice a week and the rest of the evenings, unless out with friends or whatever, you spend together. I would try and do a fortnightly or monthly date night where if you can get a babysitter, you go out for a meal or bowling/ cinema or for a walk and pub lunch. Spending time together basically. Otherwise, what’s the point? You might as well live alone!

Yeah totally see your pov Stepz

In your relationship, your dh is prioritising work, then hobbies, then your child, then you… and that’s got to be very hurtful.

So no YANBU. Especially so early on in the relationship.

I know someone who worked late every night so he could avoid putting his children to bed. He was quite blatant about it. He just let his wife struggle on, even though she worked as well.

How is your dh with your dd? Is he hands on normally? Some dads do get better at parenting when the dc are a bit older.

Or is it you he is avoiding? Is he avoidant generally? Can you rely on him to step up generally? Has he always been this way, or has he just been behaving like this since you had your child?

5 times a week with a young child. Aside from you, doesn’t he want to see his child? That might be ok when he was single but not when he has a family, he’s avoiding responsibilities to your child, and quality time with them by doing so. You need to have a proper chat with him and explain how serious it is to you. Also look into love languages (yours might be quality time). You have to put effort into your marriage imo, and at the moment it doesn’t sound like he’s doing that.

Phone going to vocemail I don't see the problem but the rest of it sounds sad. My husband and I have known each other for 20 years, together about 15. I would be sad if he went out every evening without me and just wanted to game on weekend evenings. He probably does that once or twice a month while I fart about on my phone or read a book - but he only ever does it when feeling very unsociable and a bit grumpy tbh.

What was your relationship like before kids and marriage then?