AIBU and expecting too much? Is this just married life?

I find sitting on the sofa as a couple very boring, we rarely sit together in the evenings, he needs to reduce his gaming nights down to two again, you could also start a hobby, something for you.
No gaming in the bedroom.

and no, this is not a marriage. He behaves like someone single and no DC. He doesn't want to spend time with you, not DC. He plays on the Xbox in the bedroom and you have to sleep with headphones on? he lets you solo parent your DD

Is there anything you get out of this relationship? he sounds incredibly immature. I wouldn't put up with that.

He has an Xbox in the bedroom! I wouldn't even allow my kids to do that when they were teenagers.
It's the lifestyle and behaviour of a teenager. Are you both very young?

Oh wow 😳. You have to sleep with headphones on just so he can continue playing his video games even after bedtime is just another level of selfishness. I made a long rant not so long ago how there’s a certain type of manchild desperate to have a family and kids but then once he has them regresses into a single man’s lifestyle almost where he prioritises himself and justifies it all because he works FT.

PS not sure why you described yourself as neurotic as you’re definitely not that. Your post is almost apologetic in tone. I hope you’re able to get the support you need.

Wouldn’t work for me at all, I’m afraid.

He sounds like he can't be arsed with married life and wants to be single again.

What exactly is the point of him?

He’s sounds very selfish and no, that’s not a normal marriage.

I'd chuck the Xbox out of the bedroom! this is ridiculous.

I think there is also the huge imbalance of 'me - time' in your marriage. He has Mon-Fri by himself whilst you in effect solo parents. Where is your breather in this? Weekend doesn't sound much like one.

I would absolutely insist that hobbies are cut to 2x per week. I think this is generous. I would also question the fact that he is happy to not see his DD all week. Do you think another woman could be on the scene. It just sounds excessive given that he has a young family.

This would not be for me. You don’t actually spend that much time together do you? And I am assuming you put daughter to bed every night?
What about eating together - do you do that?

Time to sit him down and explain that this is not okay for you. And then stick to it.

So what time do you get to yourself to partake in hobbies or seeing friends etc?

Each update makes your situation sadder.

It’s not unusual for men to live life after children as if they were still childless. It’s not right or fair but IME it happens.

You need to tell him that going out 5 nights a week for hobbies is completely unacceptable and that the Xbox until falling asleep so often is selfish.

Yanbu to expect some undivided attention during couple time. Just because he’s married, it doesn’t give him permission to stop making an effort. Unless he changes, I predict that you will end up splitting over this and he will blame you for changing rather than himself for not changing.

There's a lot her that wouldn't work for me.

You spend on meaningful time together as a couple.

Secondly, where's your time for hobbies, classes or meeting friends?

When you say you never spend a night apart do you mean he comes to bed for sex every night?
i don't know how you can tolerate him going to his hobby so much, what a selfish shit.

What is the point of him? What does he think you gain from being married to him? He's got a home where someone else looks after his child - it's almost like he's sent your child to boarding school. I couldn't see the point in having a husband if he was so detached from the family.

I don’t think you’re neurotic. He should be another best friend and you should be his. Married life should be like living with someone that wants to include you in their life and do things together that you both enjoy. Having your own interests and friends is important too but not above you and your children.

Tell him he is a dad and partner now, not a child

Has he always been going out to hobbies so much? If so, why would you expect him to change?

If not, when did he start going out 5 nights a week? It sounds like he's avoiding the night routine putting your kid to bed and he's not really wanting to spend time with you.

I had one like this until I made it clear it wasn’t reasonable. We’ve been fine since.

You say you've never spent a night apart, but you hardly see each other. It's more that you never spend a day together. Five nights of hobbies is way too much when you have a young family. He's not seeing his child, which can only be intentional. He also doesn't seem keen to spend time with you. I suspect he's just biding his time before either you get so resentful you leave, or he jumps ship. I think you need to sit down and spell out the current relationship trajectory and see what he says. You should be alternating bed times, so on his free nights after you've taken her up he can go out to a hobby, but not really before.

You can’t make someone want to spend time with you. So, whilst talking to him about this might get you more ‘together time’, it won’t solve that issue. Your husband apparently doesn’t value or enjoy your company.

What was he like before you got married and had a child?

Not normal.
He's living the life of a single man while you parent.
I wouldn't see any point to this relationship.
Unfortunately you have had a child with a man child.
What is your housing situation?