AIBU and expecting too much? Is this just married life?

Whenever I say anything like “we don’t do anything” - he says it’s because I never ask. I can’t remember the last time we had a date night. Largely because he spends all his money on gaming or his hobby.

He wasn’t always like this but has been on and off since I knew him.

I mentioned to him last year that we were having sex less often than we usually did/id like and he said “well why’s it always on me to initiate sex? I can’t remember the last time you were seductive.”

That was horrendous. Even now he’ll tire himself out with gaming or boxing and then will not initiate anything. I’ve stopped bothering.

I’ve tried, but as others have said, I can’t force him to spend time with me. I can’t force him to brush his teeth, shower, have sex or organise dates.

Sex is always on his terms. Usually a quickie in the morning.

I’m fed up. I’m 28. I try hard to stay in shape, look nice. I lost all the baby weight very soon after birth and was back in size 8 clothes. I spend time on my appearance, get my hair done, skin care. I just don’t walk around in lingerie, mainly because he’s always on his fucking Xbox. He makes me feel so unattractive.

I do love him. He’s a good dad. But he makes me so frustrated. I even start to question whether I’m being unfair to him because he works and then does a hobby - is that really so bad? But to me, it feels like an order of

1. boxing
2. gaming
3. dd
4. me

(of course, DD should be above me! But she should be 1 and me 2)

I think it must be desperation. Or just wanting somebody to take care of them (and women tend to play the caretaker role in relationships).

So if they cannot get a woman they actively want - they settle for what they can get.

He’s not a ‘good dad’. He’s a shit dad, a shit husband and a complete loser. Kick him out.

I think it must be desperation. Or just wanting somebody to take care of them (and women tend to play the caretaker role in relationships).

So if they cannot get a woman they actively want - they settle for what they can get.

Yeah me too , makes absolutely zero sense 🤷🏻‍♀️
No one says “ well I really don’t like her at all but I want to marry her “ 🙄

Posts like this are really sad. You ‘love him.’ Why? What do you think love is?

·lThere are two main problems with a lot of men in this day and age; they want wives but they don’t actually want to be husbands and they marry women they don’t really like.

I understand the laziness that drives them to want wives but not be husbands, but I don’t understand them marrying women they don’t particularly like.

There are two main problems with a lot of men in this day and age; they want wives but they don’t actually want to be husbands and they marry women they don’t really like.

OP, only you know if there’s value in this man and this marriage and if you think there is, I’d be looking to get into marriage counselling ASAP so you have a space where you can express your needs and maybe you can find out if there’s something deeper behind his behaviour.

I think you have to make sure you’re super clear and firm about what’s acceptable (example suggestions);

• His hobby is twice a week and he must be home for family dinner and DD’s bed time the other days.
• Gaming is max one hour, three times a week and not in the bedroom
• Weekly date nights; can be low key staying in to watch a series or an event/dinner/joint hobby (you can make it fun and take it in turns to plan and surprise the other).

Just some suggestions but he has to want to be an active husband and father, you can’t make this marriage work alone.

Adding to the 'how is he a good dad when he's never there, smells and is treating the mother of his child so badly?' chorus.

I've never met you, OP, but I know you can do better than this selfish manchild.

I’ve been with my DH for 3 years. DD is 2. He’s very laid back and chilled and I’m more neurotic I think!

We obviously spend a lot of time together, and we’ve never spent a night apart (we joke that we would find this very hard). We both work in the week, and he has hobbies nearly every day after work. He usually comes home about 9, we eat and go to bed. I have already put DD at this point.

at the weekends, we will do stuff with DD. She goes to bed at 7. Usually he will then go on his gaming until midnight. If I say I want to spend time with him he says “we’re always together” - but I I mean doing something! Not just sitting in the same room. He then begrudgingly will say “well let’s watch a film then”. He will fall asleep whilst watching it.

Whenever I say I want to do something, even just a hike whilst DD is at mums, he’ll say “we got the rest of our lives together what’s the rush!”

weve had a conversation before that his hobbies take up a lot of time and he reduced this to 2 times a week, but this has now gone back to 5 times a week. I feel like I can’t tell him to spend more time with me!

today he’s taken DD to his hobby to “watch” him. I’m unwell in bed so couldn’t go. He left at 9 and I spoke to him at 10, but now his phone is going to voicemail.

I feel like I’m always asking for time or communication from him. I don’t think there’s anyone else but I feel like he just doesn’t even think of me

Whenever I say anything like “we don’t do anything” - he says it’s because I never ask. I can’t remember the last time we had a date night. Largely because he spends all his money on gaming or his hobby.

He wasn’t always like this but has been on and off since I knew him.

I mentioned to him last year that we were having sex less often than we usually did/id like and he said “well why’s it always on me to initiate sex? I can’t remember the last time you were seductive.”

That was horrendous. Even now he’ll tire himself out with gaming or boxing and then will not initiate anything. I’ve stopped bothering.

I’ve tried, but as others have said, I can’t force him to spend time with me. I can’t force him to brush his teeth, shower, have sex or organise dates.

Sex is always on his terms. Usually a quickie in the morning.

I’m fed up. I’m 28. I try hard to stay in shape, look nice. I lost all the baby weight very soon after birth and was back in size 8 clothes. I spend time on my appearance, get my hair done, skin care. I just don’t walk around in lingerie, mainly because he’s always on his fucking Xbox. He makes me feel so unattractive.

I do love him. He’s a good dad. But he makes me so frustrated. I even start to question whether I’m being unfair to him because he works and then does a hobby - is that really so bad? But to me, it feels like an order of

1. boxing
2. gaming
3. dd
4. me

(of course, DD should be above me! But she should be 1 and me 2)