AIBU to have asked for space?

Ooo, I used oof without reading the pp's oof. Must be picking up on the kid vibes

Oof that's quite the rejection, poor kid.

I absolutely know what you mean , i crave space which i very rarely get ! but i think you shouldn't have asked him to leave even though i would have felt the same .
I think i would have to explain myself to him and i would also do a bit of sucking up to him maybe with a big block of his favourite chocolate or something else he loves , it would play on my mind if i thought i had hurt his feelings .
Total empathy for you though, i would sell my soul sometimes for just a little time for me!

Love the user name @ChildrenOfTheQuorn brilliant!
That film in the day was creepy !

No wonder things feel awkward between you, because they are. If it had been one of your own children can you imagine sending them packing? He's not chosen to be in this position, unwelcome in his own home.

Just re read your thread. You were being mean to DSS. Maybe he wanted some company? He was doing nothing wrong and he was on the other sofa.

I agree, he probably just wanted to be around you to build a connection. Not sure why that bothered you though? You could still have a brew and watch your programme. It’s not like he was asking you questions and was being needy…

I think he probably wanted to be in the room with you but not interrupting you in anyway.
You say he is with you most of the time, perhaps he also wanted to enjoy a weekend where his step siblings weren't around (possibly being annoying towards him, I am not sure if you have put how old they are only that they are young) so maybe he was also appreciating some space in the home and felt it was more grown up, hence coming out of his room.
If they are a lot younger he probably hides in his room because they irritate him (in the same way you wanted a break from them). He was likely to be happy to sit in a companionable silence and I agree it was rude to send him out. You should have gone to you own room if you wanted space and time away from everyone.

If you want you time you need to sort this with your husband. Not kick the poor existing child out of a room in his own home!

this weekend has been full of threads from awful step mothers!

Yabu. He sought you out for company and you banished him from the living room, honestly poor boy would be best just spending time at his mums house than bothering to come on the weekend to where hes clearly not wanted. what a nasty thing to do.

I TOTALLY get where you are coming from - I absolutely need alone time too - but I think I would probably have done it differently, said something like 'I was just going to take to my bed for a couple of hours while the young kids are out, can I set you up with anything before I grab a bit of rest?' and then snuck the iPad upstairs :)

Yes I agree with this sadly. That boy is probably feeling rejected right left and centre. His own mum can’t parent him, his dad is busy working and step mum asked him to leave the sitting room. He could have had mates over, causing chaos and all sorts, but he was just lying on a sofa!

OP, alone time is important, but on this occasion, you should have migrated to your room.

Just to add, teens can be awkward to talk to, as the hormones kick in. Just because he doesn’t talk, doesn’t mean he’s not got a personality. My own 17.5 DS is only just starting to communicate better with us. Prior to that, it was all grunts and scowls and being rather selfish.

The update about SS not being able to stay at his mum's makes it much worse.

Poor kid. His Dad should feel guilty and ashamed for the awkward home-life he's built for his son.

He'll probably move out as soon as he possibly can if he feels unwelcome, which you might be pleased about, but statistically more likely to put him in a vulnerable situation or cut short his education.

Poor lad!! If you can’t connect with him after this amount of time then you haven’t made enough effort.

I don't get why the silence is awkward? With teens hanging out together and doing your own thing is pretty normal. I think of as comfortable silence not awkward.

If you wanted alone time you should have gone to your room, or gone out for a couple of hours, not banished him from a communal area of the house.

If you're in a communal area, you're signalling to anyone else in the house that you're open to communal time. Doesn't matter who it is or what relationship you have with them. If you want alone time (obviously reasonable) you have a bedroom for that.

It would also have been totally acceptable to leave the communal room to be alone - it's weird that you'd find that more awkward than literally telling him to leave?!

Agree with PP it's a shame that you rebuffed his very teenage attempt at connection but it doesn't need to be a huge deal and you can probably make it up to him in some way (and casually drop in a "sorry for the other day, I was feeling under the weather" while you're at it).

agree you should have apologised and gone to your room not push him out

being a stepchild is incredibly difficult

just say sorry for being so rude - I wasn’t feeling well

I feel really sad for the child, reading this. Poor boy. He came to you when you weren't busy with your won children and you sent him away.

If you had a headache, why didn’t you tell your step son, and go up to bed for some peace and quiet?

You are so mean , sent a child away from a family area . You should have gone to your own room if you wanted space .

Sounds like you don’t like him much - because he makes you feel awkward because he doesn’t speak much

I think it was a bit harsh sorry. He spends most of his time in his room or with friends - he's not the reason you need space. He wasnt following you into your room or something, he was sat in a communal area in the day. So there is a damger that he takes this as telling him you can't spend any time with him because you're burnt out from spending all your time with your other kids. Or that he isn't welcome in his own home etc.

Also, most people watch TV in (mostly) silence, the feeling awkward about it is a you problem not a him problem but you made him solve it for you.

If the program wasn't suitable for a 15 year old (rather than again you feeling awkward about watching it) you could have just said 'oh sorry I'm not sure this program is suitable for under 18s' and he would probably have taken himself off (or if he stayed there you could have watched it elsewhere).

I think you think it was a bit off or it wouldn't have crossed your mind to mention it to your husband. Maybe you need to work together to figure out how you can get some more regular time to yourself though as this has shown you how much you need it

I think that in a communal area during the day, it’s the person who wants to be alone that has to leave. Totally reasonable to want some time on your own, but I’d have said “sorry DSS, I’ve got a headache and need some downtime so I’m going to go up to my room”. So I’d say YANBU for not spending the time with him, but YABU for asking him to leave a communal area in his house.

Yes it was horribly mean to send him away. Teens can be awkward and difficult to communicate with. Him actively choosing to come and sit with you 1:1 was telling you something, especially if he is usually a bedroom dweller. I imagine he doesn’t get much time without the younger kids around.

The update regarding his fractured relationship with his own mum makes it worse.

Try and think of a way to make it up to him.

I think it's dreadful that you asked him to leave and I am 100% certain you'd never do this to one of your own children.