MIL wants to do my kids Christmas stockings…again

I do the stockings for the grandchildren when they are here but that’s because I offered and their parents were delighted to accept. I thought they might want to do their own but they were just grateful I wanted to do it. I would never just do stockings without asking permission because of the reasons stated by OP.

As others have said, I think you should do stockings and give them to your children either before you go or when you get back (extra from Santa for being extra good?). Your MIL is clearly getting a great deal of pleasure from making and filling the stockings, spoiling it for her would be distinctly un-Christmassy!

My late MIL used to do stockings for her adult DC (and me). I thought it was lovely. She did one for DD, but DD knew that the stocking in her bedroom was from Father Christmas and the one from granny was from granny. It was never an issue.

@Gagamama2 I agree that you should just do a stocking in the bedroom first then keep quiet about it. This should be a non issue.

I'm so confused. Do they not write a letter to Santa with what they want for Christmas? Is the stocking an extra to their Santa presents or is it the Santa presents?

@Livelaughlurgy Stockings are from Santa. Presents are from people.

It’s not ‘lovely’ behaviour from MIL!

So many posters suggesting OP’s H continuing to priorities MIL’s feelings and wishes over OP’s - who wants to do the stockings - and his DC. Why?

Found a way round it? Started a new tradition of family stockings on Christmas eve or similar probably. I realise it's difficult and friend's small children have Christmas morning at home, then go to Granny.
Bizarrely I found Mother's Day more difficult. We did our best with both grannies, making sure they were visited on Mother's Day. Not much time in the day for me, silly but also a little sad.

@tragichero DH can easily phrase it kindly. The key thing is that it should be for him and OP to decide and inform MiL, not a negotiation or MIL’s choice.

This doesn’t concern MIL’s hosting, where of course if she’s hosting she decides lots of things. It concerns gift giving, where it’s traditionally parents who give stockings (on behalf of santa if doing that): many parents enjoy and want to do it alone.

This. I'd not spoil your MiL fun of doing all stockings for her DGC but I'd do one for my own DC too and open it upstairs. Just hide them better from the other cousins.

We had more than one stocking on occasions when we went to one set of grandparents. When we were older this turned into a bit of a tradition and we used to have a small stocking Christmas Eve and a main one Christmas Day.

I actually think its lovely what she does, as by giving them all similar stockings it makes it look like they're from father Christmas and no favouritism.

Your oldest should be grateful, not disappointed. Be careful to not project your own negativity here...

Just focus on the main gifts from you.

It's only every other year.

I actually think it's quite sweet that she wants the grandchildren to have "the same but not" stockings. If FC was real, I think that's what he would do! A set list of categories tailored to interests.

Could you tell MIL what they particularly loved in their stocking last year with a "do you think they could fit in with what you're doing, or could I add them in?" She might actually be happy for the tip on how to make the children love them!

When you go to her house? Could Santa perhaps come early to your house this year with the “real” stocking?

My mums favourite part about Christmas was always the stockings. She now makes the grandchildren Christmas Eve boxes. It gives her joy and it wasn't something I was ever going to do. So it is a win for everyone, especially her grandchildren 😆

@Gagamama2
Could you get small sacks for your kids and put your stocking bits in the sacks, that they open along side the big presents?
I can see why MIL is doing this she is trying to keep it fair and equal for the 10 GC, her children and DPs, (unfortunately missing the mark with the contents) creating family memories.
I also understand your frustration as sounds like your stocking are all the extra little personal bits you pick up to make xmas unique for each child.
TBF apart from the drink, cereal bar, and the few bits I duplicate for my youngest so she doesn't pinch her big sisters 🙃 😅 they are different, and adjusting to the 3 different personality, interests I am buying for.

Not the Christmas hill to die on for me.

I don’t think you can say no to the stockings if all the other children are getting them. Just do your own in your bedroom first and don’t let the other children see them. It’s rude to add things to her stockings I think.
its difficult, I had this a bit with my Mum, she would also do a small bag for my children and buy all the same small chocolate things I put in my stockings, I felt it took the edge of mine and everything I changed what I bought I think she would see the ideas and repeat them the following year. You just have to see it as a positive for the children as they end up getting 2 lots which they love.

I don’t understand why you and DH have been so passive about all this.

He could just say ‘we’re doing the stockings from now on’.

She’d be unreasonable to object to that.

Finally we are getting there.

Well either go along with it and enjoy her Xmas and do your own in another day at home or stay at home.
I couldn't be bothered putting myself out at Xmas for someone who does their own thing the rest of the year.

My kids would have had no problem with double stockings either before or after Christmas . It’s good for kids to experience different traditions it doesn’t take anything away . Have yourselves a festive day at home with the stockings and a Christmas film .

I’m not sure I understand. I know everyone one does Xmas different. We do “stockings” in the morning, which are very cheap and “stocking filler” style presents and then after lunch, main presents.

Perhaps introduce main presents from the stockings on your year with your in laws. No need to call it another stocking.

I’d go for this and just avoid all the drama. The kids have something exciting to look forward to at home and everybody is happy. There are too many people involved to rock the boat on this one without looking like an asshole.

I'd give my kids an early stocking. But I understand it takes away from the Christmas magic a little.

Something that you might be interested in, a tradition we had as children, which I now do with mine. We've always called it the "12 days of Christmas".
On Christmas day, usually in the evening, they are presented with a sack each of 12 presents, numbered 1-12. Starting on Christmas day evening, they open present number 1... and so on until twelfth night when they open present labelled number 12...
Basically, that's the kids stockings. We loved it growing up, because it kept the presents coming until we were back at school. The presents are only little stocking filler things. Most of my 2's bits this year came from Temu. Almost-9yo twins... DD has got some colourful hair extensions to tie in, nail stickers, a "how to draw" art book, etc. DS has got a puzzle book, a robot that transforms into a pen, a magic trick, etc.

You could do something similar with your kids, once you're back at home. That way you still get the excitement of a stocking of your choosing, that your kids actually enjoy.

I think you are making too big a deal
of this.

I would do your own stockings privately upstairs and then the grandma stockist are just her gift to them. That way it matters less if contents are off the mark. If other kids questions just say in our house father Christmas leaves the stockings upstairs for the kids, these are granrma stockings. Tell your Mil that it's getting confusing for the kids so these are from her.

Well exactly and OP is never in her house. I would not be entertaining it. PILs Can't be arsed the rest of the year and want to take the best bits.

It's not really relevant if your DD didn't mind. What would you have done if she did mind?