MIL wants to do my kids Christmas stockings…again

It's her choice? How can you take over santa for children you don't even bother to get to know.

... Just likes to take the big glamorous traditions!

I would let her do it as obviously something she enjoys and it’s fair for all the cousins and then just include the smaller but things they want gifts in with the main pile from you.

Your MIL is being out of order here I think - she had her turn with all five of her own bloody kids - massive overstep.

Tell your kids to ask FC to leave them a stocking at home. Then you all come home to the stockings you did on their beds.

This just wouldn't bother me at all.

I almost missed the bit about grandma only seeing the children once a year. Surely you can be nice enough to allow her this one bit of pleasure every other year.

Tbh I’d simply say/text: appreciate that you’d like to do the stockings again this year, but we agreed you would do them last year as a one-off and I have been excitedly looking forward to (and am already buying for) the kids myself this year. If you’d like to give them a second one ‘from grandma’ later in the day, that’s fine and they will love the treat that this will be, but I will press on with the one’s ‘from Santa’.

When do you go there? You could do a christmas eve stocking or a stocking that is left at home as santa left it at their house to have when you get back?
I think that grandma takes a lot of pride and joy in doing stockings for the whole family and it would be a shame to ruin it for the whole family and the other childten in the family by having santa bring an extra stocking just for your kids.

I would keep doing your own and see MIL's as bonus extra presents for your kids. If the other kids ask questions it's not really on you to explain your perfectly normal actions, so leave that for MIL and their parents!

I imagine some of the older ones are getting to the age where they won't believe in Father Christmas. It's may be sensible to suggest to the other parents to steer conversations away from who got what and where it came from, so the younger ones can keep believing. I expect with that many kids under one roof, not everyone is getting the same amount spent on them, the same number of presents etc.

This. There was no need for the cousins to find the stocking up in your room. Put the evidence away before you go downstairs!

Oh God! Christmas can be a minefield eh. I think there are lots of valid points in the thread, it is difficult that this is the tradition that everyone has gone along with and how to buck that. I understand how you feel and wanting to give your kids what they want.

But, I think I err on the side of you saying that the 10 cousins are besties, and that being the most important part of the story. I have alternate family xmases like you and sometimes wish it was just us, but I see the importance for my family and kids, of being part of that big tribe. And some of that is making traditions as a wider family too. I think in your position I’d just give the stocking filler bits I wanted to give, as under the tree gifts, so they get them.

We had the exact same thing, OP with the two stockings.
I am Xmas personified! I love Xmas so much. I’m excited all the way from September to the big day. It’s my favourite time of year, and NO ONE is taking that away! My MIL is a kind and generous woman. She also does stockings for everyone. Kids and adults. And like your MIL, they are things like a key ring, some fudge, some deodorant… that kind of thing. Generic stuff which is loosely geared towards the person but not like the stocking I, as a parent, do for my own DC. Because she isn’t the kind of person to get her nose out of joint, we didn’t really need to discuss the whole two stockings thing. My DC wake up at about 5:30am on Xmas day (well they did! They’re older now but when they were little they would jump out of bed and come pattering into our room with their excited little faces, clutching their stocking and saying “he’s been!!!!” And it was the most joyous part of my favourite day of the year. I couldn’t possibly have foregone that moment for anyone!)

So they did their first stockings very early in the morning in our room. And then when we were up and dressed we would all come down stairs and do the other stockings together. It wasn’t an issue that there were two stockings for my DC. If asked, I’d make up some BS about Santa owing me a couple of favours as I’d helped him out last year. No one batted an eyelid.

I think you should enjoy doing the stockings for your DC. Those moments are so precious. As you say, the oldest one may not believe in Santa much longer. I’d just do your own. Have some BS story ready about Santa getting confused which house your DC were going to be at this year or owing you a favour or something. Just brush it off without making a big deal of it.

Echoing those saying have your own cosy Christmas traditions in your own home. Part magic of Christmas is seeing your kids faces when they rush to see if ‘he’s been’ (it’s the one day for not sucking the joy out of the occasion & making them wait patiently for hours)
Boxing day is for visiting family.

Let her do the stocking and put the things you would've put into stockings out with their other presents.

@YourPeppyAmberTraybake most DC love presents don't they.

Ive never understood or heard this parents having to get the glory . One NCT lady years ago said it and I was shocked.
Don't you get the glory when they open and love their gifts regardless ?? It almost felt narcissistic.
Not wanting to do Santa for other reasons of course , fine.

Ops issue is the other children though ?if they get big FC presents under the tree it maybe not an issue to add things to the stocking it's the fact they all get the same

I think i would get Covid the day before Christmas Eve this year @Gagamama2 .

I think everyone does Christmas differently, my friends and I have had lots of debates about this over the years.
In one friend’s house Santa brings the stocking and that’s it, we did Santa brings everything, growing up I had no stop stocking but Santa brings the presents plus there is a mum and dad present too. My other friend didn’t really do any Santa stuff and their was a big pile of presents from the parents which her DC loved.

Personally I think it is better to nip these things in the bud, otherwise they'll be resentment every year in the future. If it is causes that much conflict just have Christmas at home. I think parents stop being the "owner of Christmas" when their children have kids.

This is not your real issue. Let me tell you something, you kids are not enjoying Christmas. They don’t get to wake up in their own beds, and get to celebrate Christmas in their own homes.

Where are YOUR Christmas traditions with YOUR family?

I have been a push over in lots of ways, but there’s not a hope in hell that my DC will be waking up in my MIL’s house. She has had her turn with her DC.

Honestly, make this your last year to be making everyone but your own family’s Christmas merry. If they want to see you, they can drive over for a change.

Another vote for do your own stocking and leave at your house - then do the whole ‘I must have forgotten to let Santa know we were away!’ when you get back.
I remember my daughter being worried about being away for Christmas one year so we had to leave a note outside for the elves to find!!

Either that or suggest all the families add a few things to personalise the MIL stocking.

If it means a lot to you then you claim it back. She has had her turn.

I'd do this.

It's not worth the battle with MIL and it creates consistency for all the children staying at MILs.

Tbf though if my partner was a scrooge I'd probably not be going to MILs at all. Why go to his parents when he's not even bothered about Christmas? Just stay home!

Hi op this is a very usual and annoying problems where mils often sometimes perhaps without realising it step over boundaries.

On this occasion she's decided to do it for all children which is problem no 1.
As you have already discoverd doing an extra stocking caused questions and confusion
Problem no 2 is down to you

You for some reason decided to only let fc gifts come in a stocking ? Why ?

So what you can do this year is have a small separate box perhaps with the items in it from fc ? As an extra ??

I'm sure the other children don't do Xmas like this ? If their only gifts from FC are also in a stocking then surely that will be causing issues or do they do FC under tree ?

Either way I'd say to mil in two years we need to do our own DC stocking it's not working for us
She's set an expectation that all will get the same but what's happing under the tree ?

In our house and most of our family and friends and what I've read on here stockings are silly cheaper gifts and Fc brings the wow gifts...

People who also buy eg grandparents do from themselves and parents may get a back up gift in case there are problems with the sleigh