MIL wants to do my kids Christmas stockings…again

Oh dear, you would hate me. I do stockings for my grandchildren and still do them for my children and their spouses. In fact anyone who comes on Christmas Day gets one... but my children/grandchildren get one even if they are not with us. In my own defence I would say every item is picked and given with love.... small, personal, often very cheap...that sounds a bit pretentious (sorry). I hope my children don't feel as the OP does, but maybe they do. You have made me think.

So do all 6 siblings and their dc stay with the grandparents at Christmas! Do they live in a castle?!

My Granny was always responsible for my stocking. I expect my mum was pleased to have one less thing to think about! It would be a long grey wool sock of my Grandad's with some inexpensive little presents, the obligatory satsuma and nuts and a Bunty comic (showing my age here!). I remember those stockings (and my Granny) with such affection. It meant so much to her.

Just do them yourself. She can give them as another present if she likes.
Youre v nice for making the effort to do alternate Xmas’! I don’t do this.. for me it’s sacred and i do it with my parents every year. I might do a few in future at MILs but I’m not too keen on it tbh.

MIL’s wishes and feelings about this shouldn’t continue to be prioritised over OP’s.

My mum does a "Christmas dinner table box" -a pretty little gift box on each placemat with stocking stuffer type gifts inside.

Would MIL be up for doing that instead? It can either be from her, so she gets the credit, or from santa as an extra to the stocking.

Can you not have it both ways, so you do a stocking from Santa (you) and a stocking from grandma. And it becomes a lovely Christmas tradition associated with her but doesn't take away from the traditions that you are building. I definitely think she should not be taking over the sole role of stocking provider.

Surely MIL could be nice enough to make more of an effort with her grandchildren and not take the best bit of parenting for herself!

I think it is very kind of OP to be there every other year, when she would rather ve doing things her own way.

There must be some disparity in the presents the cousins get.

I was curious about this. There are another 7 kids there - how do their parents feel about MIL swooping in on Christmas day every other year? Do they resent it, are they genuinely not bothered? When do you have contact with them and is there a chance to sound them out?

Or aren't bothered? When we have Christmas with my brother his DC get bigger stockings than ours because SIL goes bigger with presents altogether than we do. Don't think ours have ever noticed the disparity.

If the other parents aren't bothered about doing their own stockings (I wouldn't be) then they probably won't mind OP doing extra.

This isn't attractive to everyone. We did it once because lockdown required it. I much prefer it with extra people whether that's at our home or elsewhere and so do DC. I would only have another Christmas restricted like that if I had to in another covid type situation.

Maybe, but what if those other kids parents want to be involved in Christmas stockings?

Don’t do that, it’s shit for the other kids.

Do your own, bring it downstairs before the kids get up and hang it with MIL’s efforts………sorted.

Ott.

its really not your concern if there’s waste in the stockings she is doing something nice but just not your Liking and you are trying to control the situation

simple as give your children two stockings if you are that bothered or just add the stocking gifts under your tree

this is not that deep

Just have your own stockings in the rooms. Its fine to have your own family traditions. If you really feel you need to explain 'we have some traditions from my side of the family that we also enjoy as much as we very much enjoy husbands family traditions.'

Do you ever have a Xmas at your home just you, children and their dad?

Are the stockings “from Santa”? If not I’d do my own and just give them another day at home (and just extend Christmas)

if they are, I’d probably suck it up and maybe get some smaller presents that don’t go in the stocking? Just a couple of extra so the older one has some stuff that’s more him

My DM did grandma boxes, all her grandchildren loved them and even as grown ups begged her to keep it up when she wanted to stop. My DC have asked me to carryon the tradition since she died. I mainly do it as foodie hampers with spices and coffee etc. |It can be just as special if not more special if it came from GP rather than Santa.

Parenthood is full of worries, trials and difficulties. It is also peppered with moments of incredible joy. Preparing your children’s Christmas stocking is potentially one of those joyous moments, the sort of thing we will remember with misty eyes when we are eighty and our children are grown. I would refuse to allow this activity to be denied me. You’re allowed to claim some moments and events for yourself, and this is one of them. Your MIL has had her turn. Now it’s yours.

I mean the other side of that is, she doesn't make all that much effort so how come she gets to cherry-pick the nice bits to this extent?

Did you grow up on the moon? It's your job to do stockings, not her. She had her chance with her kids. Say no! Get your husband to say no. In fact do you even like spending every Christmas at someone else's house? Do your kids like it? I bet if you asked them they would say they would prefer to stay at home. You are a grown woman, spend Christmas how you want and take charge of these stockings. I'd be devastated if anyone fucked with my kids stockings.

Why doesn't her son bring his children to visit more than once a year, rather than allow Christmas, such a special time for mothers, who do all the bloody work involved with Christmas, to be controlled by his mother?

OP, I would be rethinking this arrangement if you would like a Christmas at home.

My friends daughter is 40 with a 5 year old daughter. Her partner refused to get married when she accidentally became pregnant, even though they were together 3 years. She was hurt, but got on with life. She insisted her daughter have her name when she was born which he was upset about but she wouldn't move on this, wisely.
She only wanted one child and has an excellent career, and he lives in her house, which she inherited.
She wouldn't marry him now, that moment has passed.
She however has been very firm that she doesn't have in laws, as they are not married, and doesn't entertain any contact that doesn't 100% suit her.

She has Christmas with her family every year as they live nearby. He brings their daughter to visit his family once a month and she has a day to herself.
She likes his mother but has never invested in the relationship because they are not her family.

He has tried to backtract since but she wouldn't risk her house and their completely separate finances, so told him that is completely off the table.

Her mother thought she was a bit harsh at first but we both now agree with her.
He didn't want to marry her when she was pregnant and it would have meant so much to her, and now it really wouldn't benefit her, as her career has progressed.

I fully agree with her view that he is not entitled to the benefits of marriage since they never married.