MIL wants to do my kids Christmas stockings…again

Is your intention to hurt her.

For heaven sake let her have that small pleasure and give her a heads up in a kind way about what to include unless it

Erm... it gives her pleasure it gives the grandkids pleasure, what's the big deal?
Can you do your own for your child before you go and explain that FC visits all houses? Children keep up the pretence of 'believing' for a long time, trust me as a mum of 5 adult kids...they've told me

YANBU. I would hate this alternating between grandparents houses. Don’t you ever spend Christmas at home? Tell her you want to do your kids stockings. Your MIL had her chance to set up Christmas traditions with her children. Now is time for you to set up your own. Tell her beforehand in case it causes issues with cousins.

This is a brilliant idea!

I’m torn on this one.

If your PILs have a big family get-together every other year and enjoy giving everyone stockings. I wouldn’t make it a big deal. It’s a lovely memory for the DC. They’re lucky to have big family gatherings. The GP’s stocking gifts could be explained away to the DC by saying GPs ordered the stockings from Santa because you’re staying at their home. Then, give the ‘stocking gifts’ your DC have asked for as part of your gifts, so they can open them as soon as they wake.

On the other hand, sounds like MIL is viewing it as her one big family and doing what she’s always done, perhaps without giving enough thought to the needs of the individual family units and the traditions they’re creating.

It’s your DH who should have a gentle word with his parents to try to find some compromises. If your gifts must be in stockings, could you buy some of the PILs stocking gifts, delivered to their home to include, if that won’t be unfair to other GCs.

Once kids are teenagers and young adults, they prefer to spend Xmas in their own home so they can have a bit of their own space and see friends. So, try to enjoy the big extended get-togethers while you can.

Just let granny do it. You can still give them presents and do other traditions.

My mil used to always say to the grandchildren “oh let’s see what Santa left for you here”. I soon put a stop to that, Santa only delivers gifts to our house, the one we wake up in on Christmas morning, any other gifts are from that person. Kids used to say “ silly *granny” 😂

In our family, stockings, or small sacks are left at the end of the beds, father Christmas comes in overnight and fills them, when you wake up, you feel the weight on your feet and know 'he's been'.

The DC write letters to FC for smallish things; a small lego set, some plastic figure from a show they like, Harry Potter (or whatever) stationery.

We also fill with pants, socks and Pyjamas that they need, so it is not at all wasteful.

All the stuff downstairs is under the tree before Christmas and is from parents, family members and friends.

Because we save up a lot of stuff we would need to buy them anyway to put in the stocking, we get slightly more expensive PJs with characters or branded stuff so they are genuinely pleased with it.

I,m not quite understanding this… we buy sacks and fill with toys,games, chocs,books etc to open xmas Morning, we,ve never done a stocking, is this for beside the bed xmas eve for nicknacs! if m.i.l is,providing pressies in a stocking, fantastic,lucky kids.. luckymyou to have a considerable m.i.l…then they have two lots to open, not understanding the palava?

It’s probably very kindly meant, but ask to either add your stuff to it so it’s personalised or just say you’ll fill your DCs. Not worth falling out over but equally if you don’t like it you can say so.

Do kids think or go along with the stockings are from grandma or father Xmas ?

The most baffling thing about this thread for me is the definition of Christmas stockings.
I've never done them as I hate waste. I've just bought main presents for kids/grandchildren.
I thought a stocking was a small thing to stuff sweets, fruit maybe bubble bath small toy. I didn't realise stockings meant everything a child put on their Xmas list.
OP hasn't come back to define it, others seem to be infering stockings are the whole set of presents?
When I was a kid we had a stocking with sweets and fruit and coins or chocolate coins.
A pillowcase for presents like Sindy dolls ( yes I'm that old) and bigger presents were in the room possibly assembled.

My mil used to come with presents that I would define as stocking fillers which was nice of her but too much packaging for my taste.

So to me it's the parents job to ensure the list is fulfilled and presents that anybody else chooses to give are extra?
Have I been doing it wrong?
Surely OP is buying the main presents?

And if I hadn't had loving, involved, kind grandparents we wouldn't have received anything at Christmas. And all my childhood Christmas good memories are of my grandparents home.

Do your own regardless. Don’t stop her, your children and DH might not thank you for it. There is no rule to say you can only receive 1 stocking.

My goodness you are a good person. Doing my children’s’ stockings is my precious job. I always insisted on them waking up in my own house on Christmas morning. You don’t say how far away your in-laws are but assuming too far to do this.

Could you not have another tradition for the years you are there? Christmas eve presents/back home presents?

Why don't you phone your MIL and tell her what your DC like so that she makes the stocking accordingly.

I haven’t read other responses but for me an immediate issue is the fact that by insisting on doing your children’s stockings your MIL in taking something really precious away from you. You only have 1 childhood and your children will grow up fast , it’s not something you’ll get a chance to do again as their mother once they are grown adults. At least not in the same „magical” way when you experience their joy and excitement as young children.
if it was me I would very strongly say MIL thank you but you have already raised 5 children, you got to experience this many times, now I would like to be able to experience the same with my dc.

It’s a stocking. I’ve never seen anyone make so much fuss about a stocking! Our kids stockings - and now our grandchildren's are full of funny stuff - tangerine, £5 note, chocolate coins, book, puzzle toy, balloons to blow up etc. my Dm started the tradition over 60 years ago and we’ve carried it on to our kids delight.
Christmas with family is all about shared moments; opening granny’s stockings on Christmas morning every other year is a lovely shared memory that the children will remember for years to come.

Sounds like the stockings are for MIL's benefit because she enjoys doing them, and she's not bothered about what the children would actually like to receive. I would find this very annoying and would do my own mini Father Christmas delivery for DCs to have in their bedroom first thing, so they got things they wanted. If there was any push back I'd just ignore it - you are allowed to buy your own children Christmas presents.

Tbh id just let her do the stockings. Anything you are intending on putting in your own kids just wrap up as extra gifts or something. It's one less thing to worry about and in a way quite a nice gesture.

So shes not allowed to prioritise herself because she has grandchildren. She's had 5 children herself, brought them up, why shouldn't she go on holidays or travel during the year. She might not have been able to do that while bringing up her children.

Living 4-5 hours away i guess is also an issue, OP said she does easter too .. she keeps in touch via what's ap etc ..

Im a grandma too .. to a 9 year old & a 1 year old. 8 year old lives litrelly 4 min car drive away & I see her twice maybe more times a week. She comes for tea on a Wednesday when I pick her up from school, and before her mum stopped working, I would have had her daily for her mum to work.

My 1 year old granddaughter lives 1.5 hours away, and I only see her once, or twice a month because I simply cannot drive that far everyday after I have done a day's work ...

So being a grandma is very important for me BUT I also understand that some families arnet the same. If it were me, I know I would be hurt if the tradition we had for the past 9 years was being taken from me ..

Maybe OP could take some small gifts to 'add' into the stocking .. but then that would cause upset to the other 10 cousins .. if OP were to bring their own stockings ... then the other grandchildren are gonna see .. so in my opinion just stick to tradition every other year, its not like its every week.

I hated this with my mil, it was really overstepping and very insensitive of her. I just did a stocking first and then the extra one was from the grandmother. It caused problems once when another grandchild didn’t have a second stocking, but honestly it’s the parent role NOT the grandparent. I am sorry for you as it caused me a lot of stress and I resented that. My mil stopped when the children were teenagers so she just did it while it was fun. Father Christmas doesn’t do that!

Tell her you are doing them.

Do them at home.

It's not that big.