MIL wants to do my kids Christmas stockings…again

Is she from another country, btw? (You say you only see her once a year.) Possibly a different understanding of what a stocking is? My mil was from another country and just saw stocking as a decorative way to give gifts, she never really got the Father Christmas thing (in her country it was St Nicolas on 6 December).

I’d just do them a Christmas Eve box with all their stocking bits tbh.

Just say you’ve already been squirrelling away stocking fillers so you are all organised this year and she doesn’t need to bother!

Give her a heads up that she doesn't need to get so many stocking fillers for your kids as they have written some very specific things in their letters to Santa so you will be bringing those to keep the magic alive. You may also want to let the wider family know as others may want to do similar. Still use her hand sewn stockings an she can put a couple of things in as well if she wants to.

i had this when I was growing up, both grandmothers would
do stockings in the years that we were at their house. Then when we got home, Santa had left another one for us. Never questioned it, was just pleased Santa was generous…. It’s a nice tradition. If it bothers you do your own stockings too

How much stuff goes into the stockings? Couldn't you just suggest you replace one or two gifts she would have put in there with somethihk you pick? All of the families could do that couldn't they.

What goes into them, if it's sweets, a book and a toy then it's easy to replace the book and toy for things you think they would prefere.

Mine get 2 stockings, one from Santa and one from their grandma.

always have and still do as adults. It doesn’t cause any issues.

Honestly, that is so dismissive and unnecessary. I would want to do my own stocking for sure, but I’d find a kinder way to let my mil down.

Is this instead of your presents or is it just a stocking?

Do you take your presents with you? Eg if 1 child wants a bike do you take it or does Santa leave it at home when you get back?

Id bring your own again and do it upstairs. I think that's much safer than adding gifts to the one from grandma- when the other kids see the extra or more personal gifts downstairs they may wonder why their stocking is lacking.

Id say we're doing our stockings upstairs first. And if anyone says anything you say it's important for me as mum to do the stocking- if there's a problem with them having two then he will not do grandmas, it's up to you.

My MIL started doing this. She did Xmas eve boxes at one point as well and also makes them a Xmas sack (or 2) and fills it.

It really did grind my gears initially as the kids are so young and I wanted to be in charge of it.

I just do my own stocking and Xmas sacks as well as hers. Just try and hide it as best you can from the other kids.

She means well, but they just don’t seem to realise that these are special traditions that YOU, as the Mother, also want to do. It’s just excitement from her end, but fucking annoying.

MIL messaged the other day saying she would be making one for the new baby as well.

Have 2 stockings. One from you/Santa and one from Granny.

Any protests, DH can be ready to tell her that kids parents like doing stockings too.....

I have been known to sew stockings as Xmas fabric is generally so adorable and fun to buy but these are a bonus stocking, I would never insist I'm the main stocking provider.

If I become a granny I know I’d like to do stockings for the gc but only as an added extra, not in place of their parents doing one as well (unless they were relieved to hand the job over to me).

Could you start a new tradition and give your children their stockings from you on Christmas Eve?

I’ve always told my kids that Santa delivers the presents but mum and dad pay for them, so in your situation I’d be saying this is the stocking mum and dad paid for and grandma pays for an extra one when we’re at her house.

Also I’d be really pissed off with her, she had her chance to do stockings with her own kids, taking over with yours is overstepping the mark.

I think she is seriously overstepping. I would have a big problem with this.

Can you go for lunch and do stocking at home? Or just have Xmas day at home and go over Boxing Day.

She has had her children. It is your turn now.

This is definitely a hill I would not die on! Create a new tradition…before you leave (or after you get back) from pil’s, have a surprise “oh my, Santa has come early (or again) this year! Look, more stockings!!”

Your in laws don’t sound much trouble the rest of the year, so I’d go for diplomacy 🤣.

Also agree with PP about having a grandma stocking. My mum loves a stocking and does one for everyone (kids and adults) but they've always been a bonus stocking and never from Father Christmas.

Do a stocking but leave it at home so when you get back it’s there waiting.

Is it to do with it being “from Santa” or anything? Do they know it’s granny putting the stuff in?

They are your children. If you want tondo a stocking for them, do one.

My mil always did a stocking too but there is no way I wouldn't have done one.

When my husband and I split up, we each did one. There were no issues.

I'll.say it again, they are your children. If you want to do them a stocking, do one.

I’d hate this OP.

if it’s too difficult to outright tell her to butt out and that you’ll sort your own kids, perhaps you could frame it as they are beginning to ask difficult questions and have wondered why stocking gifts are so different when they are at MILs and exactly the same as their cousins when they aren’t usually.

If she wants them to keep believing she might back off and let you sort your own stockings so there is some consistency.

I'm fuming for you

My MIL suggested this for my son's first Christmas. I pointed out that further down the line this would cause issues because the stockings from Father Christmas are at our house. If she provides a Father Christmas one too he would then question why he didn't get one at the other Grandma's house. We saw both families on Christmas Day.

Now the easy solution would be that my Mum would also provide a stocking but my sister has children too so would their Grandparent then have to do a stocking otherwise once again, why is this Grandma not doing a stocking.

Instead what my lovely MIL did was she did some small treats inside a stocking but it was done as Grandma's stocking not Father Christmas. Worked perfectly fine for us.

I think this has gone on too long with too many other stockings in play for you to stop this now but you could think about it being Grandma's stocking.

As you leave to go to Grandma’s could you be the last one out of the house and put stockings on the beds for everyone to find when they come home?

Oh tricky one! I would definitely speak to MIL - or more to the point your husband speaks to his mum! - and just explain it. Say you are very happy to offer suggestions or even send her things to include. If she not receptive, do your own stockings.

Or stay home and go there later on Christmas Day.

ah saw your update! She obviously just loves christmas. But still. Your kids do it your way.

I think the issue comes in with trying to maintain that Santa brings the stocking whilst then having such an "off" stocking every other year.

Do they not question why Santa nails the stocking one year then does a relatively poor job of it the next year but also brings them all the same stuff as their cousins?

Do your husband's siblings and their families feel the same way? As that would be the main issue for me.

I would be tempted to let everyone in the group chat (assuming there is one) know that you'll be bringing an additional 5/6 bits for the stocking for each of the kids to make it a bit more in line with their interests and you wanted to give everyone a heads up so they can do the same and see how you go from there

If MIL questions it then "eldest is on the cusp of believing and has started to notice that the stocking at your house is different" should suffice?

But yeah.....don't let the kids have a naff stocking!!