MIL wants to do my kids Christmas stockings…again

If the whole family are there, you'll cause pointless rows trying to alter Granny's stocking. So tell your DC Grannys stocking isn't really from Santa, but your stocking is but they have to pretend for the "little kids".

Time to start staying home and making your own lovely Christmas traditions. It’s what we did and have never regretted it.

This. I can’t understand why you never stay at home. And how do you get away with only seeing your mil once a year?!

I’m assuming you meet up with your DH’s siblings more often as you say the dc are all besties?

It is not really on to see your GC once a year and take the very best bit of parenting for yourself. I would be much more upset about this than OP. It's all about Gma's vision and nothing about the individual DC.

I would be going at a different time to avoid this entirely.

Stay home. Honestly. It’ll be the best Christmas you’ve ever had.
Just remember when your children are adults with their own children to give them the same grace.

I’d be doing my own kids’ stockings. Actually can’t get over you alternating between grandparents’ houses every year and your kids never getting to wake up on Christmas morning in their own beds. You are a more selfless woman than I!

No. She’ll just say “We’re not coming to have Christmas YOUR way. We’re a family and want to have our own traditions so will stay in OUR home to have Christmas OUR way. Thanks”

as you will see happening on thread after thread after thread in the upcoming months.

So she only sees them once a year ? And she has tried to create a festive tradition that she does. Which she goes to a lot of trouble to do (hand making stockings) which when all the grandkids are adults they will look back and remember. But what they won't remember is the content of the stockings.
Just that they shared that moment with family. And the grandma they saw once a year was made up to do it.
But she doesnt exactly put in the stuff your eldest would like ? Even though let's face it stockings are meant to be just random stuff you could take or leave .
Couldn't you just give him the bits you think he would like as Christmas presents?

Or as someone else has posted you could start a new tradition like a Christmas box or something.

Well that would be a very rude way to speak to his own elderly mother who is kind enough to offer to host you all and buy you gifts every other year.

Maybe instead he could speak to her with kindness and sensitivity to see if it's possible to work out a solution that keeps everyone happy?

If in the future I am lucky enough to have grandchildren, and my dd decides that being a parent gives her the right to "tell me what is happening" in my own home, I won't be impressed - in fact, I'll be hurt beyond belief and also confused as to what she could possibly think gives her the right to talk to me like that! But I don't think she would....

Well I don’t do stockings so it would cause great confusion with my dc…😂😂 I would stay home and do my own Christmas if I were you

As others have said just do another stocking from you . please don’t spoil her fun. or what about one of those Christmas Eve boxes that some people do ?

so Santa gives 2 stockings one and gran’s and another on the end of your bed at home for when you get back.

Sounds really draining. If I were you with 3 DC I’d just want to do it at home and stop the tradition of alternate years at grandparents. Your home, stockings of your own, your own new traditions, see family on another day.

I would have said no right from the start - I absolutely love doing the stockings and would never let someone else take over. Just tell her you want to do them this year. She already got to do them for her own children! And still has a load of them to do for everyone else.

Also, just wanted to say in your MIL's slight defence, that buying each child a book but ensuring the content of the book is tailored to their interests IS, in my opinion, a really decent attempt at personalisation. I don't really see how she could personalise more than that to be honest, in the particular example you gave . Unless she isn't quite getting the book choices right for each kid.

Can you just say there are some quite specific things the kids want this year in their stockings so I can get those and add them if you like? Or would you like to get them? Then she gets to do it and the kids get what they want

I’d do this, to avoid the conflict.

But I broadly think… she’s had her fun doing the kids Christmas stockings etc with her own children, and it’s OP’s turn to get that pleasure now…!

I get the tussle with MIL on things like this and generally advocate for standing your ground, but tbh if she sees them once a year I would go with this. Can you buy 2-3 things extra for your kids to bring the stocking more in line with your usual and either add them to their regular gifts or add to their stockings?

Don't do this unless the parents want you to. Parenting young children is relentlessly hard work, with few nice bit, don't take the nice bits.

Offer the parents some money towards Christmas, that would be the really kind thing to do.

How long are you staying at MIL's? If you are returning home Xmas evening, or even potentially Bixing Day morning I guess, could you sneakily leave the stockings in your own house just before you depart (tell the kids you are nipping back in to grab something when they are all in the car ready to leave).

Then when they get home, go oh look, wow, Santa visited us here as well!

OR tell DH's siblings your concerns, and see if they are all up for doing stockings for their own DC in the bedroom at MIL's house, As long as the kids are all opening these separately it doesn't really matter if their is some disparity, so even if others are happy to just do a basic one with some sweets and other small bits, all good.

I know some people are saying "Your kids, your choice" etc, but really it would be unkind to just unilaterally change the arrangements when it is clearly something MIL gets a lot of joy from. And to be fair to her she probably hasn't realised in any way that the stockings she provides are a little substandard. And if you suddenly voice this now, it will kind of sour all the memories of the stockings of Xmases past in the way.

So I think you are right to be careful how you go about this, to avoid being cruel.

And yes, in a sense she is overstepping, but I doubt she sees this at all if nobody has ever voiced it before. She probably thinks she is being generous and saving you all a job.

It's the sort of thing my MIL used to do when I was married - and despite spending a lot of time with DD she somehow, bless her, had no idea of what did liked - DD wasn't a "girly girl" at all but MIL desperately wanted her to be. I remember DD once struggling not to show her disappointment when she got a pink fairy themed card game and her male cousins got some cool plastic dinosaur toys......

MIL has overstepped and you and DH let it happen when you don’t like it.

DH should tell her what will be happening.

Do they think they are from FC? That’s the most important point surely. Do they know grandmas are from grandma?

i really think you’re over complicating this. Just say ‘I know you love your stocking when we’re at granny’s and I/FC want you to have the same at grandmas. But grandma loves to do her stockings so we’re not going to talk about your other stocking with the cousins ok?’

Or give it to them before/after the trip to grandmas.

Honestly when you’re allowed a tradition to go on this long, you can’t really change it without causing issues. You should have carried on with your own separate stockings after that first year - the cousins parents can deal with the questions, that’s not your problem.

She had her turn at being mum. She doesn’t get to take away the special things from you just because she’s struggling to let go.
She can do her children’s stockings and you can do yours and if there’s an issue, you can have Christmas at home.
She monopolised your Christmases enough.

MIL is incredibly lucky you've all gone with it so far. Tell her what you've explained here, kindly but firmly. You will do the stockings this year and put the gifts in her stockings.