MIL wants to do my kids Christmas stockings…again

I would continue with the upstairs stocking you’ve made and then call Grandma’s stockings Grandma’s stocking.

Just explain that you've heard them talk about a couple of things they'd like for Xmas, and can you please add them to her stockings? If she or you want to buy them, that's fine by you - all good. They are of an age now that they would express something like that and literally spell it out to her that it's best to get them something they would like.

Tell her

The children are changing and growing older and have particular interests, likes and dislikes we're very familiar with.

We already have a selection of stocking gifts they really want.

We'll add those to their stockings.

We don't want you wasting money on gifts they won't use.

If she refuses, just bring the kids' stockings and have a private, discreet family opening in their bedroom.

Explain to the children that these are the stockings they'd have at home.

Maybe you could consider having Christmas in your own home next year?

It’s due to similar things I eventually said I wanted Christmas at home after years of spending alternative Christmas’s between our parents. I love it and we then visit parents before / in between and the kids love it as they have lots of Christmas’s .

We have invited them to ours but this only happened once as both sets like Christmas how they like it which made me realise there’s nothing wrong with us liking it how we want it either.

Why do your DH's parents only see you and your children once a year? It doesn't sound as though you have a proper relationship with them and they obviously know nothing about your children and what they like and don't like.

Do you have to go and spend Christmas with them every other year? They can't be that bothered about their grandchildren if they don't bother with them the rest of the year.

If you have to go, can't you add some things to your children's stockings? It sounds like a pretty joyless Christmas for you and your kids if you have to abide by their rules.

I'd go with this idea - 'oh look kids, santa came here too' or some such comment. Kids in car to leave, you or DH pop back in for a last minute wee and stick the stockings on their bed or wherever for when you're home.

i agree it’s nice that the kids get parity from their grandparents.

The point for parents is the actual gift surely - not what the gift comes in. In a stocking or not, a carefully selected present still matters!

I never understand people not having a Christmas at home.
Middle of winter visiting people and not even allowed to make stockings for your children.
Madness.
Stockings were always the favourite part of Christmas here, full of things that they miggt have mentioned, or things i knew they'd love.
I still do them even though they are adults.

Every other year your children (who aren't babies) are finding it difficult to cope with Granny's duff stockings from Father Christmas and they also find it difficult to wait 3 hours to open the duff 'FC' stockings

Honestly? They need to suck it up. It's one tiny weeny part of Christmas which isn't as they'd like it. It's truly no biggie

Take them out for a walk 8 til 9

From 6 til 8 start a special Christmas game tradition which you only play at Grannies on 25/12

It’s your family and your kids. Do their stockings and do what you want at Christmas!! Honestly you don’t get it back. don’t sacrifice your families happiness and memories for the sake of people pleasing someone the kids see once a year.

I honestly would never have accepted this. You don’t get the declare what you do for other peoples children on Christmas! But… if you’re not looking to tell her to fuck off, then a more diplomatic way would be to explain there are specific things he’s looking for this year and you’ll bring them with you so grandma can put them in the stocking.

...but you can see that they are a big deal to many other people.

They are a big deal to me (and DH, luckily), a big deal to OP and obviously a big deal to MIL.

I was surprised when I had children how much my parents wanted to control how Christmas went. My in laws also have their ideas about how Christmas should be. I feel like I’m pulled in different directions by everyone’s expectations.

Could you do your own at home as a surprise for when you get back? Say Santa visited your house too and left a little stocking.

I just can't get my head around all of the drama about a stocking......

I know MILs are not generally well liked on MN but really if there are 10 cousins staying over at Christmas I actually think grandma doing the stockings is a great idea (as long as she treats them all equally).
It means no children get 'less', if one parent can afford to put a Tiffany necklace in their child's stocking but another parent is struggling to afford a Primark necklace it levels the playing field on the morning (perhaps grandma knows one set of parents are not as well off as the rest?)

Even if none of this is the case I don't think its such a huge deal, they are just stockings.

I would do two. If you insist on doing your own, are all the other grandkids going to be going down to find a stocking at Grandma's except yours? That won't be fun for them. Or are your kids going to find extra items in their stockings that the other grandkids don't have? That will be noticed and create a division among them. Even if the presents aren't the best, it is a tradition that all the grandkids will remember when they are grown and which unites them as a family. So I think you just make your own stocking and give it when you are home again. I wouldn't bring them with you, as the other kids will notice, as you say they already have.

I'll ask the awkward question, how come you only see her once a year?

Or have i read that wrong?

I think MIL is trying to do a lovely thing and maybe she is also trying to ensure that all 10 cousins get a similar amount of gifts etc

I personally think it was bad form to take your own stocking in secret… I believe that when you are with family then you need to think of all the children present and not just your own, but that’s just my personal opinion.

As some other pp has suggested I would speak with the other parents and between you agree to say to MIL you’d like to contribute to stockings this year, ‘we have spoken and will bring along 2-3 personalised gifts to each stocking’ And that you’d also like to do her stocking too so she gets some surprises?

Good luck 🍀

Can’t you just buy some of the things that you would have put in their stockings and give them more than 3 presents each?!

Break away. Do Christmas at your own home, your way.

Aren't stockings meant to be little nicknaks of bits and pieces and pretty low value hence I can't see the issue if theyre getting main pressies later.
Maybe be helpful and suggest you'll bring a few bits that can go in all the stockings to help personalise them.

No I wouldn’t dream of doing it unless the parents were ok with it. I’m about as far from a mil from hell as you can get 😁

Who did your husbands stocking when he was growing up? MIL or his Grandma?
But I think you've let this go on too long now to change it really, you should have discussed it year 1! I think I'd go with mentioning that you have seen some bits the kids would love for the stockings so could either bring along or send her the link.

I would be staying home. Christmas morning in your own house is much better than somewhere else.
How far away is it? Could you travel on the day and arrive for Christmas dinner?

I would be honest and say that as your eldest is now 9 you are feeling a bit sad that you haven’t been havjng the fun of filling their stockings so this year you would like to do it… say it’s the natural progrsssion, she does her adult children's stockings , you do your childten’s

Be nice about it, obviously, say you have seen how much fun she has had and you feel envious, and nothing beats her beautifully hand made stockings