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Original poster

MIL wants to do my kids Christmas stockings…again

365 replies

Gagamama2 · 12/10/2025 08:07

I’m prepared to get flamed here as being an ungrateful first-world-problem twat, but hear me out (and please flame me gently if I need it):

My kids are 9, 7 and 6. We spend alternate Christmases between both sets of grandparents houses as they live hours from each other. This year it’s our turn to go to my parents in laws place, along with the rest of the large extended family (my partner is one of 5).

Every year that we go to his parents place, my MIL insists on doing all the grandkids stockings. Both providing them (they are beautiful ones she has sewn) and filling them. The first year I was a bit sad about this as had looked forward to doing my own kids stocking so I made him one that we opened with him upstairs in our room before we all went downstairs and did the “real” stockings with the other grandkids that are hung by the fire. But it was akward and when the older grandkids saw my son’s second stocking upstairs there were questions. Since then I’ve shut up and accepted the grandma stocking for my kids every other year.

the last time we were there they really fell flat for my eldest. The younger two didn’t mind so much but he (like all kids I guess) fixates on the stocking in the run up to Christmas and is incredibly excited about what will be inside. We don’t put expensive stuff in there on the years it’s our turn to do it, but he does get things he really wants. We don’t go crazy about the big gifts either (each kids gets up to three presents from us), so the stocking forms quite a big part of the day.

grandma sees my kids once a year and doesn’t reallly know them aside from knowing the basics like grandson is sporty, Granddaughter is arty, etc. all the grandkids get the same presents in the stocking bar little tweaks, like they will all get a book but they will get diffferent books. This leads to none of the stockings being particularly personal / relevant to any of the kids.

i would really like to ask MiL not to do my kids stockings this year but I don’t know if this is warranted / appropriate. It’s probably the last year my eldest will actually believe in the big man as well. What would you guys do??

OP posts:
Sharptonguedwoman · 12/10/2025 09:15

Tutorpuzzle · 12/10/2025 08:19

This is definitely a hill I would not die on! Create a new tradition…before you leave (or after you get back) from pil’s, have a surprise “oh my, Santa has come early (or again) this year! Look, more stockings!!”

Your in laws don’t sound much trouble the rest of the year, so I’d go for diplomacy 🤣.

Came here to say this. It's not a hill to die on. Explain to your child about Grandma's house. Do your own stocking on the morning of Christmas eve before you leave or when you get back.

Kimbap · 12/10/2025 09:14

It’s a nice idea and even if she isn’t getting the best sticking fillers does it really matter. I’m sure you make sure your kids have a brilliant Christmas. A slightly sub par stocking isn’t going to change that.

People (usually women) get so uptight about Xmas it’s crazy.

Haemagoblin · 12/10/2025 09:13

Have to say I think this is a non problem. Your kids are old enough to learn that sometimes they don't get what they want. It doesn't sound like the stocking presents are awful, just not EXACTLY what they would have chosen or you would have got them with your knowledge of them. But they don't just get a stocking, you can buy them what they want as under the tree gifts. You could do this but you would (a) offend your MIL (b) set your kids apart from their cousins unnecessarily and (c) miss an opportunity for them to learn to be grateful and polite for gifts bought with love if not an encyclopaedic knowledge of their preferences.

Of course there may be a huge backstory where MIL is an evil witch in multiple ways or deliberately buts them things they hate, but otherwise I think you should suck it up and your kids can do the same. It's every other year, it's their granny, she won't be around to make them stockings forever.

TheBlueHotel · 12/10/2025 09:12

Gagamama2 · 12/10/2025 08:40

No all the grandkids (mine included) think the stockings that grandma is filling and leaving by the fire are from Father Christmas.

my kids are hyper and and awake at 6am on Christmas Day…they then have to wait until about 9am when all the other kids are up to go downstairs and open their stocking (the one from grandma). This is another issue I have with it 😂😭. Because it causes frustration as they just can’t wait nicely. When we are at my parents house they get their stockings from FC on their beds and can open when they wake up

Show quote history

I can't believe you let this happen at all. Your kids deserve to be able to open their stocking at 5am when they wake up!! MIL has had her time with her kids - she shouldn't have been allowed to impose this on yours. But now it's happened there's no way for you to row back without telling them that grandma has been doing their stockings rather than Father Christmas!
What about you get a few extra gifts from Santa and sprinkle them around their beds in the morning and make up some story about how Santa forgot the stocking were downstairs and dropped them on the way??

PermanentTemporary · 12/10/2025 09:12

I’d tell her the truth - that doing your children’s stockings is a highlight of Christmas for you and you really want to do it.

But I also think people overthink how much children question this stuff. They want to believe. And there is a patch where they just want to maintain the illusion, with a few moments of ‘what if it’s true’. So just have Granny stockings as well! It’s fine for them to have two if she wants to do it.

MayaPinion · 12/10/2025 09:12

Why not just give your kids a ‘stocking’ but put the gifts in a box or a bag and say they’re from you? Or even better, do a Christmas treasure hunt in your room. You’re overthinking this - it’s just the stocking and they’re forgotten almost immediately after they’re opened.

YourPeppyAmberTraybake · 12/10/2025 09:12

Do all 10 cousins stay the night?

sittingonabeach · 12/10/2025 09:11

Do they think all presents are from Santa? If not can you give them a small gift bag of presents from you when they wake up? I always thought stockings were to keep children occupied when they woke up early before main present giving

zipadeedodah · 12/10/2025 09:11

Tiredofwhataboutery · 12/10/2025 08:29

I’d just do them a Christmas Eve box with all their stocking bits tbh.

Thats a good idea.

Wellshellsbells · 12/10/2025 09:11

She hand makes stockings for every member of the family and makes sure no one is favourited by keeping the contents the same(ish)for everyone.the amount of thought and time that would go into that is lovely.what a fabulous memory for your children to have in years to come about their granny when Santa is no longer around.if you kick up a fuss you will ruin this tradition for everyone.suck it up and do your own stocking in the room and tell the kids to keep quiet about it.if your youngest is 6 ,and you only go every second year ,you’ll only have two more christmases before they don’t believe and will understand what is happening .

Luddite26 · 12/10/2025 09:11

I'm not really understanding this.
Why do you only see mil once a year?
When do you see them when it's not their Xmas?

Surely grannies stocking is just part of the kids Christmas? Surely you buy all the stuff they've asked for seperatly so grannies stocking is just a bonus?

So if kids said I want a Switch would you buy or hope granny would get the hint?

How long do you go for?

As a granny I do a Xmas dinner before Xmas to suit us all. I never demand my kids visit on the day. We have a big Xmas day like feel and hand presents out on that day then parents can do what they want on the 25th.

DamsonIcecream · 12/10/2025 09:10

Gosh - so many Miners love urging OPs into a drama. She sounds generous and kind. Having extra stockings wrecks the family dynamic.

Just take a couple of stocking items with you and ask her to add them on Christmas Eve. If that doesn’t work for her (she might be alarmed at your kids getting expensive kit vs the oranges and mouth organs in the cousins’ stockings) put them under the tree.

Don’t underestimate the joy they’ll all be getting out of being together and enjoying this Christmas tradition: or overestimate the necessity that all children must get their hearts’ desires. You see the results of that in these threads. Just revel in being part of a large happy family. You’re lucky!

Original poster
Gagamama2 · 12/10/2025 09:09

Livelaughlurgy · 12/10/2025 09:05

I'm so confused. Do they not write a letter to Santa with what they want for Christmas? Is the stocking an extra to their Santa presents or is it the Santa presents?

They write a letter to Santa saying what they would like. This is part of the problem in that they are old enough now to ask for and be excited about receiving certain things. They know Santa can only fit smaller things in the stockings; we tell them larger things that won’t fit will be bought by us. Santa gives the stockings, we give the presents under the tree.

OP posts:
shampooing · 12/10/2025 09:08

What I would do is Christmas at home and not traipse to grandparents’ houses every year. These Christmas rotations are tedious.

You might think I’m not answering the question but the strict visiting patterns imposed/agreed to lead to these issues.

Does she send a stocking the years you don’t go there?

SkinnyOatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 12/10/2025 09:08

CyanDeer · 12/10/2025 08:51

I think MIL is trying to do a lovely thing and maybe she is also trying to ensure that all 10 cousins get a similar amount of gifts etc

I personally think it was bad form to take your own stocking in secret… I believe that when you are with family then you need to think of all the children present and not just your own, but that’s just my personal opinion.

As some other pp has suggested I would speak with the other parents and between you agree to say to MIL you’d like to contribute to stockings this year, ‘we have spoken and will bring along 2-3 personalised gifts to each stocking’ And that you’d also like to do her stocking too so she gets some surprises?

Good luck 🍀

I think this is a good idea.

For context I am the grandmother who does Christmas Eve pyjamas and stocking for everyone who stays here for Christmas.
I take DD to choose the pyjamas for her DC, I choose the others as a surprise although very much tailored to their likes.

For stockings I do all the adults, it saves them a small fortune and the year I proposed stopping them as ‘you are all grown up’ there was a mutiny. For DGC if DD mentions something in particular I will offer to pick it up plus I get the sweets.

Parky04 · 12/10/2025 09:08

This is why we spent every single Christmas day on our own! I suggest you do the same and see them at different times throughout the year.

Livelaughlurgy · 12/10/2025 09:05

I'm so confused. Do they not write a letter to Santa with what they want for Christmas? Is the stocking an extra to their Santa presents or is it the Santa presents?

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 12/10/2025 09:05

She has had her time doing stockings for her own children.

Tell her no.

Rockyolive · 12/10/2025 09:05

I can see that it is nice when the grandchildren are all together for them all to have the same stocking.
We tended to have Christmas at my parents every year, 500 miles away and stopping at the inlaws half way for a few days on the way there and back. It would have been a real hassle to take presents etc with us so we had what we called our 'Family Christmas' before we went.
We wrote to Santa to let him know then we had a whole Christmas Day full of our own traditions. Then when we went away we were happy to do things how everyone else wanted with no resentment as we already had done everything the way we wanted.
We gave the children presents from us at our Family Christmas and then they got so much from Grandparents, aunts and uncles that it was nice to spread it out.
Worked really well for us and when we decided to stop travelling for Christmas it didn't seem strange as we already had all our own traditions just a novelty to do them actually on Christmas Day.

YourPeppyAmberTraybake · 12/10/2025 09:05

fourelementary · 12/10/2025 09:04

Your 9 year old doesn’t believe in Santa. Honestly this is one of the reasons why the faff of Santa is such an issue- the sticking is from you or grandma anyway and if you could just say that- it would make everything a whole lot easier. Here is your stocking from us before you down to the stocking downstairs from grandma.

cant you just give your stocking presents in a wee Xmas sack from you anyway and the kids get the wee things they enjoy? Or just say to grandma you’re doing your own.

How do you know the 9 year old doesn’t believe?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 12/10/2025 09:05

She had her turn to do stockings with her own children, it’s time to hand the reins over now. I doubt she’ll see reason, though…

CatPanda · 12/10/2025 09:04

How about getting some presents yourself and adding to the grandma stocking? Something you know your kids will like, and maybe something little for the cousins too so noone can say it isnt fair, and just say to grandma as its the last year your eldest probably believes you wanted to be a part of it?

fourelementary · 12/10/2025 09:04

Your 9 year old doesn’t believe in Santa. Honestly this is one of the reasons why the faff of Santa is such an issue- the sticking is from you or grandma anyway and if you could just say that- it would make everything a whole lot easier. Here is your stocking from us before you down to the stocking downstairs from grandma.

cant you just give your stocking presents in a wee Xmas sack from you anyway and the kids get the wee things they enjoy? Or just say to grandma you’re doing your own.

lottiegarbanzo · 12/10/2025 09:03

I stopped at the phrase ‘hear me out’, sorry. Can’t bear it, such a pompous, performative phrase. I’m already reading, don’t boss me around, just get on with the story.

Zippidydoodah · 12/10/2025 09:03

Ah, I think this sounds so lovely for the kids. Growing up having Christmas together and sharing stocking opening with their cousin besties….they will have really special memories for life.