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Original poster

DH and his friend

59 replies

Zui78 · 11/10/2025 20:44

My DH has developed a close and intense friendship with his work colleague. Their work situation sounds stressful, but he stays in touch with her frequently. At each work drama, he’s on call to her, or he tells me how she helped him, or he’s helped her. They text a lot, and I saw some texts, nothing remotely odd, but they seemed too intense. I saw a text from him to her at 6 am. Is this normal?

OP posts:
Amanitacae · 11/10/2025 21:42

Me and my male boss work in a high agency area of work where things happen really fast, and very long hours are the norm. We text each other at all hours, plus fairly regularly stay in the same hotels for work, including late nights out, dinners etc for work reasons. There's never been a single hint of flirtatiousness or risk. Don't think he vaguely fancies me, I don't fancy him. I do appreciate our friendship and professional relationship. I'd never risk my family and am sure he wouldn't either. It's a great situation. I'd describe him as helping/supporting me regularly. He might describe me the same way. If anyone was to scroll our messages they'd find years of fairly boring work strategy and moaning about work, plus the odd joke.

MolliciousIntent · 11/10/2025 21:37

MrsLizzieDarcy · 11/10/2025 21:34

I'd be staying very alert around it, truthfully. They already sound as though they are emotionally dependent on one another.

Isn't it pretty normal to be emotionally dependent on the people who are in a stressful situation with you?

MrsLizzieDarcy · 11/10/2025 21:34

I'd be staying very alert around it, truthfully. They already sound as though they are emotionally dependent on one another.

Original poster
Zui78 · 11/10/2025 21:32

I don’t think he’s up to no good, but yesterday he was off home unwell, and I was at work. Our daughter said he was chatting to his work friend.

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 11/10/2025 21:30

Onemoreagainforluck · 11/10/2025 21:26

Well that might be ok in your life and your partner is presumably ok with that.

But I think for most relationships to survive it requires couples/ family time where work and work colleagues don't intrude in their private life.

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Yeah, my partner is fine with me having friends!

In a modern world where adults spend 40+ hours a week at work, it seems common sense to understand that the people we work with are going to take on emotional importance and significance. Something like 80% of the friends I've made since leaving uni I've made through work, and some of these people are some of the most important people in my life!

She's read the messages and there's nothing weird going on. She's just upset her partner has made a friend, and that friend happens to be female. Which seems pretty immature to me.

Onemoreagainforluck · 11/10/2025 21:26

MolliciousIntent · 11/10/2025 21:22

Entirely depends on field/lifestyle. I work a pretty high-powered job and I have several gym bunny colleagues who send me messages/emails from their workouts at like, 5.30am. these people are all female, but I'm bisexual and they know that, so presumably that's inappropriate too?

Show quote history

Well that might be ok in your life and your partner is presumably ok with that.

But I think for most relationships to survive it requires couples/ family time where work and work colleagues don't intrude in their private life.

MolliciousIntent · 11/10/2025 21:22

Onemoreagainforluck · 11/10/2025 21:19

They are working colleagues. There is no way it could be considered appropriate for him to be messaging this woman at 6 a.m.
It sounds as though they are emotionally too involved .
You really need to talk to him about boundaries OP .

Entirely depends on field/lifestyle. I work a pretty high-powered job and I have several gym bunny colleagues who send me messages/emails from their workouts at like, 5.30am. these people are all female, but I'm bisexual and they know that, so presumably that's inappropriate too?

TheSlantedOwl · 11/10/2025 21:20

Yes they sound far too enmeshed.

Onemoreagainforluck · 11/10/2025 21:19

They are working colleagues. There is no way it could be considered appropriate for him to be messaging this woman at 6 a.m.
It sounds as though they are emotionally too involved .
You really need to talk to him about boundaries OP .