Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If they wanted to, they would

32 replies

0PALFRUITSS · 11/10/2025 06:17

I read this quote today and it hit me hard about a friend.
we chat online most days and she says she wants to come down to where I live to see me. I always say, sure just let me know when, I’d love you to come etc.
yet she doesn’t come back with any dates. I don’t want to push it because well, if she wanted to, she would. Right?

OP posts:
Untailored · 11/10/2025 07:42

Someone has to be the first to suggest some actual dates. She might be thinking your response is non-committal as well.

ThatWildMintSloth · 11/10/2025 07:34

I'm one of those people who prefers the other person to suggest a good time or date for them. 99% of the time i'm happy to go with what works best for them. The other 1% i'll suggest my next best available to see if that works for them.

Have you tried throwing out a suitable time and date?

Poppins2016 · 11/10/2025 06:38

Some people feel it's rude to invite themselves, so "just let me know when" might push her into feeling awkward. Have you ever responded proactively e.g. "sounds great, let's book it in now, will you come and stay/visit on x date"?

DysonLover1 · 11/10/2025 06:37

I’ve got a friend who has a busy job, whereas I don’t. She texts me - “we must meet for coffee.” I reply with “give me some dates when you are not working and I’m sure I can accommodate any of them.” Never hear from her with dates / times. Then she will text again, how are you we must meet for coffee! FFS

Mt563 · 11/10/2025 06:31

No, I think it's a bit trite to be honest.

Consider:

  • distance
  • money
  • work
  • holiday allowance
  • kids
  • caring responsibilities
  • disability/ illness
  • frequency of meetup

Doesn't take many of those to make it almost impossible. I'd love to see my parents more but childcare/ work/ distance means I see them every 6-8 weeks.

muddyford · 11/10/2025 06:23

In general that's true. But I am a full-time carer for DH. I have several friends and relations whom I haven't seen for some years. I want to see them but the logistics are just too complicated when I'm permanently knackered anyway.

Rafting2022 · 11/10/2025 06:18

Yep!

Swipe left for the next trending thread