To leave DH and kids to do this

Lots of people’s jobs take them away for much of the time. I used to travel on business a lot, sometimes two or three weeks in a month, often Sunday lunchtime to very late on Friday. My husband was a hands-on dad and we had a ‘mother’s help’ who collected them from school and looked after them until he got home.

You’ll be away 4-5 nights a week for approximately half the year. Assuming your husband is on board, they’ll cope. Go for it!

DH currently works 5hrs away from our family home. He leaves Saturday night/Monday morning, home Thursday night usually. Sometimes he's on longer trips.

And while he's gone... everything just keeps on happening. DDs go to school, I work, they do extracurricular stuff... sometimes I'm on top of housework, sometimes I'm not. I do volunteering...

DH does all the family paperwork... finances, insurance, bills,tax etc as he can do that from wherever while I'm doing the hands on stuff. Hèdes the majority of the extracurricular stuff at weekends.

Yes, if i was back with them every weekend, and they were safe and cared for by their other parent. As happens all the time when the father works away from the family home.

Plus, it is for a fixed period of time, not years on end.

Can you not do a masters via distance learning? Would YOU be happy to be away from your family?

If you can afford it, then do it. Your DH has done similar and your children were fine. Time for him to step up as a parent. It will strengthen his relationship with them.

PS eg for undergraduate teaching - our final year there were several students commuting king distances /staying over... As we only were in 2 x 3 hours weekly... All the rest of the week was for research

It was completely doable but did require a lot of organisation!

i think the family should move to enable this. DH works from home and you don’t like the area you live in anyway. You must be able to find somewhere suitable within an easy commute of Uni.

As others have siad.... Uni terms are short...

And it's likely you'd only need to be in a few days weekly.

Most uni research is done electronically now... So you don't constantly need academic libraries.

Are any parts of the courses which are taught online?

I'd contact each uni - find out which days you need to be in each week.
This then may show which is more workable.

Eg So Tues and Friday - more difficult

Tues and wed - more workable....

You just wouldn't need to be away all week.

I'd also post on any online uni forums to see if others have made it work 'commuting' long distances.

Yes, you are being dramatic. OP won't be away for months - if she gets it down to a 4 day week, she could be away for 3 nights per week for a portion of the year. She may be able to spend more quality time with her kids than if she were in full time work.

Short term struggle for much longer term gain, go for it. As others have said, an academic year is short anyway generally with a month off over Christmas and again at Easter then a much longer break over summer.

I worked away this summer about 3 hours away as well, came home on a Friday and returned Sunday. It was only for 2 months but my DC are younger and youngest is ND. My DH really resented me for it but it was just such an amazing opportunity in my field, I couldn’t turn it down. He still digs at me over it whenever we bicker now but hoping he’ll get over himself in time (he had a lot of family support so wasn’t totally alone).

I don’t think your DH is selfish at all. In fact, I think he is very level headed about this. It seems he’s given you his blessing to go. If the uni term is only (?)28 weeks a year for two years, it’d be mad to uproot the whole family. The children would have to change schools, and then both move back mid high school for you to return to your job? That would be awful for them, I dare to say selfish. If you want to chase your dreams, fair enough, but don’t drag your kids into it.

I think your original plan of moving away is certainly the better one. However, my two children are 10 and 13, they absolutely need me more now than ever. I’d hate to be away from them. You’ve got to do you, but imho the kids should always come first until they are adults, and chasing employment ‘dresms’ isn’t putting them first.

I’m not sure why you gave up your career especially as you were an older mum with a more established career. You could’ve gone back to work after mat leave, which is what a lot of women do. 2 years is a long time to move away from your 10 and 12 year old children. I’d say the same if you were a man. Are your children girls? Remember the changes girls go through.

You may not have been bothered about having children, but you still chose to. I can't imagine doing this to them and sorry but I do think it is selfish.

I think you have underestimated your importance to your children. I would never ever do this to my children and I'm in the same position as you are (sahm, want to do a course 3 h away for 2 years). I have decided not to. Mine are 12 and 15 and def need my presence.

She won't be away for months at a time. She'll be away a few nights a week during term time for two years.

As she is the one who has lost her dream career, or at very least had it severely curtailed, because her husband was so desperate for children, I think this is something they should look at together.

It would be extremely selfish of him to have taken so much from her to get what he wanted and then refuse to put himself out in any way to support her following her dream.

What is the timetable like? Is it 9 - 5, five days a week or are their some days or half days without lectures/seminars/tutorials? Most Universities don't have scheduled teaching on a Wednesday afternoon, so maybe you could go home for the afternoon which would break the week up.

I think that you have made all the sacrifices career-wise to have children which your DH wanted more than you, so you aren't being selfish to want to take this opportunity to start a career that you would really love.

I personally wouldn't want to be away from my dc at that age for such a long time but that's not to say it can't work.

I think your husband is really selfish in not agreeing to move the family for two years.

I don't think it's selfish to not want to uproot a family for a 2 yr uni course.

Men for it all the time. Without a second thought.

My husband worked away M-F for years. Our relationship and his relationship with our children is absolutely great.

It's such a short period of time! I would absolutely do it. What an amazing role model for your children, education and career development is important.

I would do it, and not make a huge deal with the kids. You'll be home at weekends, it's for a short finite amount of time. What a fabulous opportunity for you!

I think I’d do it, but I’d want to schedule weekly activities with the kids and prioritise reconnection with them each week/weekend. Of course you’d have the holidays too, but weeks can fly by while kids change a lot and I’d worry about losing closeness if we weren’t reconnecting more frequently.

My parents both worked away/studied and we had and have quite poor relationships, but that’s more because they didn’t know/think to work at it. It is quite hard to slot back in with teens, who will seem a bit moody/rejecting when you’ve been with adults.

No he wouldn't. Men work away all the time, no-one bats an eyelid and their partners are expected to keep the show on the road at home and make their career work around them, or not as is often the case.

OP as long as the household can afford the extra costs of weekday lodgings and the masters will lead to career development, go for it.

DH can manage DC and home while you're away and they're getting to the age where they can help with housework, cooking etc and take themselves places. Don't be batch cooking or cleaning at the weekend either, most men who work away don't.

Go for it! It will be no different than when your husband worked away during the week really 🙂

If she starts the course, she won''t be stopping the course, obviously. I'd say that isn't even Plan Z.

Agree. If this was the other way around he'd expect her to do it and everyone would call OP selfish and ovr dramatic if she didn't want to.