To leave DH and kids to do this

Just because it can be done, doesn't make it optimal, in my experience.

And I have done something very similar to the OP

Ah yes. Compromise because you’re a mum, and miss an opportunity that may not present itself again. A great idea. OPs unhappiness and resentment at her situation could well lead to the breakdown of the marriage. That’ll be great for the kids won’t it ? I’m absolutely astounded at the negativity towards a woman doing something for herself and expecting her partner to pick up the slack. It’s something men automatically expect women to do when an opportunity for a ‘big job’ comes along. Why should women be any different ?

My mother did that - one year only, more than 50 years ago. I was 12, an only child. Both my father and I had to learn a bit more about looking after ourselves and the house and each other, which was a good thing.

The better job she got after qualifying transformed all our lives for the better.

I didn't realise at the time how much of a struggle it must have been for her, but feel unqualified admiration for her doing it.

Agree - a lot of the people saying how difficult it would be for the kids seem to be overlooking the negatives of living with a parent who is very unhappy.

Is there another way to do the learning? For example your employer sponsoring you somewhere a bit closer? Post grad / apprenticeship routes, depending on experience?

I would seriously consider it. In the grand scheme of things 2years is a relatively short period of time! But I don’t have children of that age or older to know how much they may need you at this stage of life!

More than 3/4s of the time away, plus at least some weekend study, for 3/4s of two years.

Do it. Your kids are old enough and you deserve to enjoy life as well. You existence is not only to care and do for others.

OP isn’t talking about being away for months though, she’d be back Friday-Monday every week, and I assume for most/all of school holidays. In the week the kids will mostly be at school or asleep, and she could FaceTime lots. It’s a pretty different situation.

We wouldn’t do it, we sometimes have to work away, but we have an agreement that its no more than two weeks per year and no more than four days at a time with our employers.

How will you continue to make you’re financial contribution to the home, while also renting elsewhere? Will you employ a cleaner etc, or do all of your household chores at the weekend?

I couldn’t do it - leave them that is. I think definitely retrain. But how supportive is dh If you go will he make you feel guilty etc. Even at weekends you will have uni work to do. You also say you weren’t worried about having children and you hate where you live. Are you always pleasing him not yourself. So if you qualify will you be happy living in the place you don’t like? Does he hold you back in life generally?

how would the logistics even work? Do you currently work full time?
what are your husbands hours?
I work part time, so if this were to happen in our household my partner would either have to change his working hours completely so he could be available for school drop offs and picks ups, or we’d have to find childcare from 7:30 am with school drop off and collection until 5:30 ish, increasing outgoings whilst we’ve already lost my income.
my partner works outside of the house, but would your husbands employers be ok with him providing the childcare whilst working? Or would he be in the same boat?

outside of the logistics and potential financial issues, I couldn’t be away from my children Monday - Friday. And I couldn’t ask them to be ok with it.

@Rosscameasdoody because there are big risks and downsides, primarily for the DC. OP likely has had and still has alternative ways of ‘improving her lot’ without studying away. We also can’t know whether the DC did take their father working away ‘in their stride’.

I was thinking this. Some courses need lots of labs or equivalent, and must be done in person. Others can be very flexible, especially at higher levels.

As a child who’s mother was deeply unhappy with her life when I was a teenager, I say I wish that mother was happy and if that meant being away for a few years to grow, I would support that.

OP says her DH worked away for weeks at a time.

Go for it. You get one life and it is fleeting. Men have been working away from their families for decades and no one blinks. The pernicious martyrdom of motherhood and women not leaving their children is utterly toxic.

My husband was in the military. A career that required months away at a time. So was I, but left before we had kids. Which of us got a hard time for living away during the week so I could keep a post-military career going, rather than relocate with him every couple of years?

Do it 100% !! You could be working for another 20-30 years make sure it’s something you enjoy!

My boyfriends parents had high flying careers in finance, his dad did a masters when he was a child so there was a couple of years he barely saw him as he worked 10-12 hour days then studied. Do you know how my boyfriend talks about this time in his life? With immense pride for his Dad, he is so proud of how much work his dad put in (with so little time to eat or sleep let alone anything else) and how successful his did became as a result.

I think it is unfair on your children personally. I am a career woman but spending so many nights away seems too much at their ages. I would wait until they are older.

IME teens has been by far the most challenging stage of parenting (so far, hoping being parents of adult DC will be easier!). They may or may not tell you what’s going on with them.

Presumably the same way single fathers cope with their DDs firsts )and single mothers do with their DSs firsts).

With the added bonus of the OP being there a good proportion of the time for in person chats, and available while away to Facetime

OP says her DH worked away for weeks at a time and the kids took it in their stride. Why would you deny a woman who is clearly unhappy the opportunity to improve her lot ?

OP the best career advice I was ever given was think like a man.
As long as your DH is onboard with doing Monday- Friday evenings then go for it.

I live in a part of the country where offshore rotations are the norm 3 weeks on 3 weeks off. Mostly men but some women. As long as there is agreement it does work.

If the only thing holding you up, the only option at this stage is to speak to your kids and do it in a way that allows them to be totally honest. The longer you consider it an appealing option, the more you'll reflect your excitement, even if you try to hide it, and the more likely your children will tell you what you want to hear rather than what they really think.

You then need to consider how it would impact you if they told you they'd be miserable. What other options are there to improve your life without doing this course? Why are you so miserable now if you already work for a company that provides the expertise you are so keen on?

Also disagree that fathers ‘would do it in a heartbeat’. A minority might, when they had alternative good work options, but that doesn’t make it OK.

DH and I had experience of a parent working away, him for much more of his childhood, and it was difficult.

I’m usually a poster encouraging women to prioritise paid work, but I don’t think it’s certain that ‘the DC will be fine’.

I think it’d give rise to a lot of negatives and risks for your DC, even if your H is a fantastic parent and would prioritise the DC over his work during the week. Which many fathers aren’t and don’t.

Also don’t think you’re ‘owed’ this for yourself due to your past decisions, which were entirely your choice.