To leave DH and kids to do this

Given your first post, I’d say go for it. You’re unhappy and you made sacrifices (are still making sacrifices as you say you have no career) for the sake of your husband. Now it’s your turn.

If you don’t do this you will probably feel resentful and that’s a really toxic emotion.

At 10 and 12, they’re starting to be more interested in their own stuff than in you. Make the effort to be consistent in your availability by phone, and on the weekends/in holidays, and show them it doesn’t mean you don’t love them or take an interest in them- and they’ll be fine, they’ll get the example of seeking out challenge and working for your dreams. And of seeing their father take on the domestic burden, which is always a good example.

I did a 2-year course which was long weekends every month or so, and I loved it. It meant my dc had 2 extra nights each time with their dad, so not that much, but the freedom I felt while away from the domestic load (dogs, meal planning, shopping for food, cleaning) was quite extraordinary- I had so much more energy and social battery on those weekends than when I’m at home.

Good luck!

Many years ago my Dad moved 100s of miles away for a better job opportunity. Mum stayed so we could stay in school while waiting for the house to sell. It took 18 months!
He came back once a month. This was pre mobiles so we wrote to him and rang him. It was hard but it hasn't negatively affected our relationship at all. It then meant they were better off and we had good opportunities. My mum was there as the stable figure so we didn't feel abandoned.
It really depends on how DH can support. If he's wfh, does he currently do drop off/pick up. All childcare will fall on him so is he able to look after a sick kid if needed?
You'll need to work really hard during the week to make sure your weekends are free to see the kids.
It's absolutely possible and better now than when they're teens if I'm honest. But it really depends on if he can/is willing to step up.

If you are very unhappy, then I think you must do something as otherwise you have at least 6 years until schooling done.

Have you looked for OU or part time courses as this would be easier to manage if available?

Also be realistic over finances and your DH job - some managers can get really wound up about e.g school runs or sickness etc.

If you do go ahead, then you should probably try and put extra effort into kids and DH when you are at home. No matter what they say , there is a big risk of resentment setting in so plan to offset this ahead of time.

I should add, I get a lot more quality time with DC when we see each other only Fri-Mon, because I'm much more rested, having had the mid-week period to myself to do everything I need to do, and I feel fully present with him at the weekends as a result.

Do it OP, take the shot. Your DP may be right about not moving, it would work better for the kids to stay settled, uni terms are always shorter than school so you’ll be around for beginnings and endings. As a pp said check out the dates/requirements for being in person. But sometimes these things happen. You’ve got a chance to make a difference to your career, take it. I don’t believe a mother should sacrifice everything for their children. Plus they’re hitting the age where they need you but don’t care if you’re present or not so as long as you keep communication open and are able to talk during the 72 hours you’re away all good!

Could you really not wait a few more years to do this until the children are into their teens? It may be more detrimental to them than you realize to be away for such long periods of time for children of that age. You're their Mum

Go on luv! What an amazing example you would be setting to your children. Don’t think about what could have been and just do it.

100% you should do it - if your husband can work away, why can’t you?!
My husband has a friend who’s wife works away Mon-Thurs and one of my friends only saw her husband at weekends due to him being in the army. Both sets of kids were perfectly adapted to their situation and it became the norm for them.
You’ll also have the added benefit of being home every weekend and half terms…plus it’s only for 2 years which will whizz by… go for it!

I’m absolutely astounded at the negativity towards a woman doing something for herself and expecting her partner to pick up the slack. It’s something men automatically expect women to do when an opportunity for a ‘big job’ comes along. Why should women be any different ?

I agree entirely. Some of the responses are so depressing. Like women have no right to self-autonomy. Something that men have always taken for granted. Kind of explains why and how the patriarchy continues to be the default modus operandi.

Assuming a cooperative husband and a sensible and practical setup, the children will be just fine.

Is there no PT option at all? It will take longer but you could work alongside it? Also would your work help to fund it?

Id do my hardest to make it work. You have made many sacrifices.

My dad did a good few years where he was away Monday to friday. He came home Friday night with chocolate. It was absolutely fine. I would do it now before GCSE’s kick in so that you can be around to support them then.

Do it.

There's no good time,

You have an offer of a job afterwards.

Two years will fly by.

You have a long working life left and the potential to earn more which will benefit everyone.

My oh retrained in his 40s with my blessing. He was at home. It might have been easier had he been away. He would have been more present at weekends.

My DC saw how hard my OH worked and I held everything together and worked. They were similar ages, one just going into hIgh school. They were fine, barely remember it now.

Do it.

@Rosscameasdoody I’m a poster who often encourages women to give high priority to their paid work and earning ability. And to criticise fathers.

I don’t think well of fathers who do this kind of thing either.

If OP was posting about her H proposing to study away, posts would be very different.

OK then. that’s a good enough reason for OP to drop her plans and continue to martyr herself to her family.

I think it depends on what life will be like with your dh having to cover all the slack. Will he be able to cover it all and work and the kids will they spend the whole week in wrap around or home alone with noone at home? Will it put your family in debt doing this?

For us, I would miss them and know they need me. My dh wouldn't do this either. But, we both wanted our kids and are happy to prioritise them whereas you sound resentful. I think it's a lot that you married and had kids so quickly and 2 of them, not just 1. And so close in age when you weren't bothered and seemingly still aren't bothered.

I think you need to consider if you dont do this would you leave them? Would doing this allow you to divorce and then provide a home?

Whilst I wouldn't do it, you are coming at a different angle and your children sound like maybe they could cope where mine could not.

You need to decide this based on your own circumstances.

Definitely do it, the time will pass by anyway, they will be very proud of you.

I wouldn’t do it, it’d be too much for me. It’s sad that you didn’t want kids and are still unhappy about it, I really hope they can’t sense that from you, it’s deeply unfair on them if they can. Missing out on their daily lives could change your relationship with them as teens - but then it may not, depends what sort of relationship you’d have with them.

Why the assumption that OP is responsible for all of the household chores when she returns ? Does having a penis somehow exempt her DH from keeping up on them during the week ?

Will you be able to drop all other friendship and personal activities so that the time you arrive home on Friday to the time you leave on Monday morning you are physically close to where the children are? Can you be home well before bedtime on Friday? Will you be immersed in books all weekend?

If the answers to those are yes, yes, no, no, then go for it. If not, I think the kids may be too young for what you need too do.

As an example, coming home after bedtime on Friday then disappearing to the hairdresser for two hours on Saturday morning would be a complete no, for me.

Good luck if you go for it!
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There are lots of ways to change things to try to be happier - the idea that ‘to be happy’ one needs to do a specific thing and that the only alternative is to be miserable isn’t logical.

my mum did this in 1981. She had started a 3 year course in England but my dad got his dream job in scotland half way through. So we all moved to Scotland and she stayed with friends in England Mon/Tue/Wed and came back up on Thursday evening. The difference was that my Dad viewed her course as very important and therefore was willing to make the sacrifices to make it work. He lived in scotland on his own for 4 months while Mum finished her 2nd year. It certainly didn't adversely affect us and I think set the standard for our adult relationships where the needs and wants of both partners were considered equally.

Home Friday to Monday and school holidays.

Plenty of men work away Mon-Fri or even longer and that’s not seen as an issue. Do it.

Like many kids I'm the product of a Forces background. If you have a secure and stable home life the kids will cope ok. I don't feel like I've been traumatised by my parent's absences, if anything it's made me more independent.

It's not like you'll be away for the entire year. Go for it!

It's the other way round, but my DC lives with my ex Mon-Fri during most of the school school holidays, as I work during the week and ex doesn't. I see DC at weekends.

Then DC spends school term weeks with me, weekends at my ex's.

It's fine, DC very happy.

In your scenario, DC will have much more stability, as they're staying in one home.

I really can't see a problem with it. You can video call each evening.