To leave DH and kids to do this

And the fact that another persons feelings were invalidated by the comment

Why would a twelve year old “be crying themselves to sleep” because their mum is away for a couple of nights?

Do you think forces children, or children of shift workers, or children of men with “big jobs in London” who get home after bedtime, are all crying themselves to sleep every night?

DH does a gym class two evenings a week and gets back after DS’s bedtime, should I tell him to pack it in before DS is scarred for life?

Good luck either way!

Good morning,
I do find some womens perspectives fascinating. Some are very double standards.
And very stuck in the stereotypical 'womens role' way of thinking. If this had been a man (dad) talking about this everyone would be behind him talking about how he's doingvan amazing thing for the betterment of himself and family. However, because you are a women(mother) how could you possibly consider it what about the housework! Which is rediculous. This is a modern time which a lot of families have equal roles. Or even in my case I'm the bread winner working and do8ngvanother degree and husband works part time and does the lions share of the housework (I like to cook).

I'm a similar age and we need to do this for ourselves, work out your logistics. There's video calling throughout the week and you'll be home weekends and holidays which are more than 1/3 of the year together.
I'm an ex military family (husband is now retired hence part time) and he was away 50% of the year with no contact sometimes (and the nay sayers on here probably wouldn't bat an eyelid at that because he's 'the dad' ).

Children are very adaptable, so longs they are well cared for and know they are safe and loved that's all that matters. Just make sure you communicate well with them.

Go for it, and well done for being an amazing mum that wants to better all your lives xxxx

I think my answer would be different if OP was actually planning on "working away". She's not. Doing a masters can be very different to working.

I think was more than "being a bit bored". If you are truly unhappy at work, you can't just "manage your emotions". It's a huge part of your life.

Also, not everyone is "moderately wealthy". You can't really make up ground after the kids leave home. I think what realistically happens then is people go "it's not worth it, retirement is too close".

You haven’t said whether your DH is supportive of this idea or has just simply said he/they are staying put.

Can I ask what I said that made you respond this way? Do you honestly think men do the same amount of mental load and intuitive parenting that most woman do? If so it’s strange as on here and in real life most woman are burnt out and moaning that they do most of it

I didnt want yo be a mother, even discussed it with my partner before we married. But accidents happen and I got pregnant. It messed up my career BUT didnt have to keep the baby, I chose to and my exh was happy I was pregnant. Never resented my kids, just needed more than being a mum and wife.We had another child couple years later and I never got to the level I wanted but did get back into management some years later. So she doesn't resent her kids probably, like me, needed more than being a mum. Her kids are in their teens and in couple years be doing their own thing without a care about parents jobs/careers. So she wants to improve her job status and do something she's put on hold for years, why shouldn't she?

Everyone is different, my DH is an IT consultant and was used to travelling everywhere prior to having chidlren, but he couldn't cope with missing key moments of the DC's development, so took a job closer to home for less pay, but was more flexible so he could attend all the important moments, put children to bed, plays, sports days etc.

You have to do what is best for yourself, husband and children, if you think you can make it work then go for it.

Must admit I didn't read all the posts who does with this many .it looks like the op not really wanting opinions as such just wanted folk to validate her choice .but as she freely admits she never wanted to be a mother .probably best she goes because no matter how she kids herself children always know .you may never say it but they know when they were not wanted poor kids either way

I do think there's a difference between working away because the money will really benefit the family, and because the parent just prefers to do it. Particularly the message it sends to the children - "I find my work more interesting and important than you" as opposed to "I'd love to be with you all the time, but am working away to support us as best I can". I'm not sure from your post, which was the case for you.

There's an interesting book by Emily Oster, which looks at the data on lots of contentious parenting issues, and studies show that in very poor families, there is likely to be better child outcomes, if both parents go back to work full time. However in moderately wealthy or rich families, this effect wasn't seen. Although obviously there are lots of other factors and parents working or being SAH wasn't be-all or end-all.

Can't say about the parent being frustrated part. I would hope that any adult would do their best to manage their emotions in a responsible way - obviously this will be harder to do, if living in extreme poverty for example (or God forbid someone comes down with a life ending or limiting illness or whatever). But imo, "being a bit bored" isn't a good reason for being unable to cope / be good company around one's family. Again, just my opinion. I'm sure not everyone feels this way.

Lol correct sometimes I can be fed up of my children .sometimes you ever wonder do they ever grow up .but clearly that's tounge in cheek .would I have left my children for half there life's for two years .because let's be honest .with studying and work placements .she won't be present a lot of the time even when at home .the answer is no I would never have sacrificed one mad /tiring /sometimes frustrating moment .

Tell us more about your user name and why you are such a fed up mum if having kids is so fulfilling?
Ridiculous hyperbolic nonsense that kids old enough to understand will cry themselves to sleep because their mum studies away from home barely half the weeks of the year. She will still be at home twice as much as she is away.

I haven't seen anyone say soldiers shouldn't have children.

Or they feel so abandoned and would never do such a thing to there own kids ..I wonder. it's not exciting mum being home if you feel abonded the rest of the time maybe crying yourself to sleep .but then some of today's mothers believe they are more important. Happy mum happy child shit

No, you’re the one who brought it up and worded it as though it’s all on her. don’t try to back track this is on you.

Plenty of families have one parent (mainly dad) working away Monday- Fri. Many military families where one parent (again mainly the dad) are away for months on end.

theres no reason your family cannot make it work as well.

its 2 years. It’s weekdays and not every week all year and you can be around the rest of the time - go for it. It’ll benefit you all in the longer term.

Well yes you can technically do it .but you will lose two years of your kids growing up no matter that others say there dad is there .you are there mother and your relationship will be damaged. They are coming into puberty so no you shouldn't leave them .yes you want a career part time is not enough but you could probably do this through open university see if that is an option because abandoning your kids might get you a dream job but the cost is resentful children. Yes I will get jumped on about men doing it bla bla but it's not the same let's not kid ourselves it is

What, because she’s not willing to be a total martyr all her life?

I think reading your updates OP, there’s little point anyone pointing out the negatives as you’re not really interested. (I’m not being rude, just this is how it seems).

I will say again though, your DH works full-time - not like the part-time hours you did when he worked away. It means he will effectively be a lone parent Mon-Fri while working FT - so that’s hard going.

And yes, I know there are thousands of single parents (usually women) doing the same - but we normally all acknowledge what hard work it is.

And then when you are home you’ll need to study.

I’m not trying to dissuade you as you’ve very clearly decided this is what you want to do. But it’s not “sauce for the gander” etc as your DH will have to be the breadwinner, run the household, and do all the child-related stuff. And then even when you ARE there you’ll still need to study.

Just think really hard about what needs to be put in place to make this fair on everyone. It is only two years but that’s going to feel like a long slog for your DH and maybe your DC too.

And yes, if a man suggested working away or studying I’d say the same. Your sex is irrelevant.

If he could drop to working P/T as you did, that would make it easier but as he’s the only breadwinner and you’ll have extra costs for living away, he doesn’t have that option.

100% do it! You will be setting the BEST example to your children that you can have and enjoy a career not settling for what makes you unhappy

Christ.

helo, I havent read your updates so appologies if you have covered this...but have you considered online study? I work for a university that does law conversion courses and if you want to DM me I'd be happy to send you some info. Online study can be super engaged when its run by a uni that has a good amount of experience in adapting there programmes for online.
I think it would be unreasonable to prevent you from pursuing something that would clearly give you a lot of fulfillment but I can see why they wouldn't want to move. Maybe there is a compromise.
Good Luck.

Just do it !

However, be prepared to accommodate something from your DH when you have completed your course