To leave DH and kids to do this

That’s not important for kids. They need love, security and consistency from engaged parents. That’s the best you can give them, not house deposits and cars.

I'd have been heartbroken at 10-12 to be apart from my mum 5 days a week for 10 weeks at a time. And even when you're home at the weekends, you'll have coursework/essays to do, so you won't be focused on them.

But it reads a bit like dad is the default parent in this case, so perhaps they won't be that bothered.

If it had been reversed, I wouldn't have been that fussed if my dad had worked away during the week, because it was mum who was the primary parent.

Resentment?

Amusement! It has moments when it's tough, but that is the same for friends who are happily married.

At 10 and 12 it's not as if her DC need a lot of physical care. If her DH is pulling his weight it is perfectly manageable. OTOH if she has settled for a DH who doesn't pull his weight then she and the DC will struggle.

Sadly so many women seem to settle for a DH they have to run round after. At least us single parents don't have a man child as well as our DC!

And I’d remind your dh of that too.
Him going away during the = not a problem. YOU handled it all on your iwn (I’m sure he didn’t put anything in place to help you either right?)
Now that’s his time to step up.
He can’t have it all his way all of the time.

The dcs will cope.
It’s just 2 years, not for the whole year. They’ll see you putting effort into creating a new career for yourself. Going back to Uni. And they’ll get to experience daddy’s ways too. Which isn’t always a bad thing either.

It’s uncertain whether OP doing this would benefit the DC, financially and in other ways.

For a start even if the study is free it’d be two years of not earning money - so opportunity costs of £40k if she currently earns £20k

But it is of benefit to them. Teenage is when children get expensive. This means more money for stuff, holidays, uni, help with housing etc.

The words "plenty" and "loads" don't imply a majority.....just that its not a rare thing. I do agree that both parents need to be in agreement for it to work but I think that in a good relationship, the starting point should be "how can we make this work?" not "You can't do this"

Honestly OP I would do it. It’s only 2 years and will be over in a blink. They aren’t babies and DH can step up for a bit plus you’ll be home probably for weekends and holidays.

if the roles were reversed and DH was offered the job of his dreams but had to work away what would you say?

Nope. The day you get pregnant is the day you stop being able to suit yourself. Your children won’t see an impressive woman following her dreams, they’ll see a mother who’s not interested in them and puts work first.

Sorry to be blunt but I think it’s important you get a range of views.

It’s not ‘plenty’, ‘loads’ or ‘so many’ families that do this, it’s a minority.

If OP’s H is currently a great or mediocre father that’s unlikely to change if she does this.

None of us can say what the DC might think or feel about this (or indeed the alternative) and how it might affect them in the short and medium term. Some DC might well be fine. Some might not. It’d be a gamble.

Go or you'll regret it if you don't.

My DM studied away for 2 years, home at the weekend and term holidays, when I was 13.
We coped as a family and my DM reaped the benefit of being able to progress in her career.

Just do it OP, just do it. It's not a block of two years, it's effectively six short terms, which will fly by in a whirl. I think a lot of posters on here are overestimating the length of University terms. Your children are probably at the best ages they could be over the next few years as it happens. Seize this opportunity.

In actual fact, this could be fantastic learning opportunity for your children, particularly if you all approach it as Team Youcannotbeseriou. Having an objective, pulling together and making the most of learning opportunities to advance the prospects of an individual and the family are all powerful lessons to take forward into adult life. I believe it may well also give your children an added respect for your contribution to family life, you can read in this thread how proud many posters are of a parent who did something similar.

I speak as someone whose spouse worked away Mon- Fri (abroad) for thirty years. Now that I would NOT recommend, nowadays, but this is completely different, and with a clear objective and timeframe in mind.

Please don't even consider moving closer to the University, that would be seriously disruptive for your children.

Please do it. Worse case scenario, you can give it up, but barring a tragedy I think you'll always find a way to make it work. Good luck. 💕

@mummymetalhead That’s not the same. The husband will be there and she’ll only be gone for short periods for 2 years.

@Youcannotbeseriou I think this would be a wonderful example for your children to see you work to achieve a dream. Good luck

What the fuck are you on about?! Millions of WOMEN work full time and still look after the kids while their husbands work offshore in oil and gas, fly in and out of the mines in Australia, or spend years away in the military.

Why is it only “a nightmare” when a MAN has to do it?

Is this a healthcare/AHP course - so in reality approx 46 weeks a year rather than 30?
If so can you do the “normal” BSc route over 3 years somewhere close? A year longer but much less disruptive.

He works from home. Women work and look after children all the time. Why are men any different ? OP has worked, looked after children and supported her DH to work away. Why is she not afforded the same consideration ?

go for it!! There are plenty of jobs where the parent is away for months at a time ands its for the whole duration of the career. They predate facetime and mobile phones and the kids turn out fine.

Please do it.

My mum did this when I was 13 and my brother was 11. She lived a couple of hours away during the week, staying on campus. We spoke to her most nights on the phone. Dad helped us with homework and everything else.

As a 13-year-old, I was so proud of my mum. My brother was, too. We understood she was trying to better herself and improve her chances of a good career to support our family.

It never bothered me. And as a young girl, I grew up and learned the importance of education and having a career.

My mum ended up being a high earner with a great job close to home and lots of flexibility.

Don’t feel guilty. Please do it. Otherwise, you’ll spend your life thinking, “What if?”

To borrow a phrase from my now late mum: “If a door opens for you in life, walk through it.”

Honestly sounds shit for your husband. Looking after the children whilst working would be a nightmare but it’s up to you to discuss and agree.

My friends mum did this for a year or two (can’t remember exactly) when we were at secondary school so older than 10-12. She was really sad about it. She was bullied at school and I think felt really alone. Her Dad was at home but not really an emotional sounding board. They get on fine now though but based on that I wouldn’t do it personally.

Or alternatively OPs DH could adopt a positive attitude and foster the same in the kids in recognition of the fact that he now has an opportunity to put OP first and support her, in the same way as she has put him first and supported him in the past. Marriage is supposed to be give and take, not something to cause pent up frustration and resentment which inevitably comes to the surface with potentially damaging consequences for all.

Give your Dh did exactly the same for years, go for it. I bet he didn’t feel guilty, his perspective is probably that he was earning and financially supporting the family which is exactly what you’d be doing. You can video call and you’ll be home every weekend.

I would just leave it a few more years. Your children are relatively young but it depends how independent your children are and how much they need you around. Lots of families put their children in boarding school and the children cope. Maybe with some life long hang ups though.

I’d do it. Plenty of kids have parents who work away or work shifts, in the military, shift patterns that mean they don’t see them for a bit etc etc. if you don’t do it you’ll always wonder what would have happened if you did and, from the sounds of it it will benefit your family in the long run financially and in terms of your wellbeing.

you're not leaving them - you're training away from home and investing in your future. Reframe all of this!

It doesn't matter if your husband doesn't do much housework now - he'll soon learn to do more