To leave DH and kids to do this

And if the OP doesn't go, her DD may start her first period at school and be helped by a teacher. And speak to her mum after school - which she will still be able to do if the OP is away. There are these things called telephones these days, you can even see each other as well as speak to each other!

What a weird reason to give for not taking the opportunity.

Better to feel guilty than tomfeel resentment because you weren't allowed to do it by your family or your misplaced sense of obligation.

We regret the things we didn't do, not the things we did.

It also blows my mind that as a woman I might want to be like/live like a man

I dont want to. I never have wanted to. I never will want to

Only you know your family and how they would be without you. I'm 49, my dc are 11 and 13, and they would absolutely hate me to be away days at a time every week. I wouldn't want to be away from DH either but that's less of a consideration. Although it's not every week of the year, it's still multiple weeks on the trot, and you will also bringing study home. It would be too big a sacrifice for me and I wouldn't consider it.

I am doing a part time distance MA on top of work, so studying from home and not always available for the dc - this has been hard enough for DH and the kids. I know children vary though and maybe mine are particularly demanding but there is always something to deal with as a parent, and it's very hard to stay close to them when you are physically far away. Just my experience with my family, of course. Some friends with kids similar ages find theirs very independent and drama free!

Are there any other routes to a better career that are less disruptive?

Wow! She isn't talking about relinquishing all responsibility or abandoning her children but about making a joint decision with her partner that finally allows her to have 'her turn' to pursue something that would make her happier professionally and as a person. Women have been told far too often, sadly by other women, that their decisions are 'selfish' and that once they have kids they have to turn into martyrs for the cause. This is not healthy for them, their relationships or their children!

Loads of husbands are away for work a lot, many kids are sent to boarding school at 11, so I don’t see the issue really. They would still better than sent boarding as they stay in their house and with their dad, you are still there weekends and holidays. You are setting a great role model example of hard work and ambition. Go for it!!!

Plenty of men live close to work mid week, some travel/ work away for weeks or months at a time. No reason a mum shouldn't be able to do something similar.

I always feel bad for kids who don’t have their parents for so much of a week. Just because some people do it doesn’t mean it should be done. And age doesn’t matter- kids can adapt to someone being away, doesn’t mean they should. I think you need to figure out how I be away for shorter blacks somehow

They work away, earning money for the family being put up at someone else’s cost, away from their family contributing to the household.

this is running away from the family because she resents they exist.

This is sensational.. reverse the roles, the bloke goes off and relinquishes all responsibility. 😂 I’ve no words.

whos paying for your second home whilast you’re not working, let alone your first home?

Bottom line is you’ll have zero relationship with your kids and they’ll remember. Don’t say you’ll make up for it at the weekend as they’ll be out with their friends at the weekend.

if you want to leave the family, then leave, but don’t pretend this is anything other than about you.

I've thought of a test you can give yourself, OP.

Let's say one of your children is a girl. How will you feel if she only has her Dad to help her through starting her first period?

If you're all OK with that as a family and you won't kick yourself for missing a landmark moment in her life, then fine. If not, then you have your answer.

My opinion probably won’t be popular.

I believe that when you have your DC you commit to doing what is best for them until they are old enough to go it alone in the big wide world.
At 10 & 12 they are entering unsettling enough times for themselves as it is.
Including school/friendship changes and definitely big hormonal changes.

As wonderful as dads can be, most (we could argue) are not equipped to deal with these issues alone.
Mums are generally the glue that holds everything together.
(I appreciate not all families have 2 parents to do this, but we are talking about yours here).

It’s the 5 days a week being away and then there’ll be study necessary at weekends and school holidays too.
How do you think your DC and DH would cope?
2 years is a long time, how would your relationship overcome this?

Good luck in whatever decision you decide on.

The university year is 6 months. You are only away in the week and technology makes calls easy now. It will be hard but it’s time for you. Please do it. most men wouldn’t think twice and lots of people do it for various reasons!

not sure where you get just 1 day at home from!

Go for it.

If it was a man, they wouldn't ask outsiders, or possibly even spouses.

Why didn’t he leave his job and raise them if he was so desperate for kids?

Do it! Don't set yourself up for regret and resentment down the line. The kids will have their dad with them during the week, and a happier more fulfilled mother in general. They will also get to see their mother pursuing her dream, and will realize that while they are hugely important to their parents, their parents also have a life and aspirations. I would suggest though that if do decided to do it, don't feel guilty - enjoy the course and your children when you have time with them. Good luck!

My dad did it for 2 years, 3 hours drive, when we were 4,8 and 10.
it was great for him and long term good for us as a family.
go for your dream!

Go for it ! It's only two year ... it will fly by. Good luck.

So sad to see comments that perpetuate a stereotyped view of the role of a mother. These are not tiny breastfed babies. These are children over the age of 10 who can be equally loved cared for and nurtured by mother and father.

You will be back every weekend with very long holidays. I am a mum and like you I know I would also feel guilty but we shouldn't and you shouldn't and I don't know why we would. As your children get older they won't even want to spend much time with you in the week day evenings, that's the reality. You can facetime every evening, this is totally doable. I bet if you explain it to your children they will understand and really not mind. I say do it O.P! I am also interested in what the job is but understand if you don't want to say. Good luck ❤️

They wouldn't, but as a rule fathers have a different kind of relationship with their children than mothers do. Whether that's fair or right us another matter, but if the OP decides to do this she needs to be prepared for her children to start seeing her in a different way and not have the kind of extra-close relationship that she might have had with them up to now, where she is their first port of call for the big emotions.

If she's fine with that then happy days, but posters talking about how men do it so women can too are not considering the fact fathers that are absent for work for long periods don't have the kind of relationship with their children that most mothers imagine themselves having. OP has to be prepared for this to happen if she accepts this place

My mother did something similar (a shorter time period but in another country) when I was around 12 and it wasn’t easy at the time (no computers, let alone FaceTime) but as young adults onwards my siblings and I loved that our mother had a very fulfilling career as a result and we remained very close to both our parents. (I still think my parents were both great role models.)

When I was a young child my dad worked away a lot. That was fine. My mum went back to work when I was 7 or 8, sometimes working shifts. That was all fine. When I was early teens Mum did a university course in a different city and was away Monday morning till Friday afternoon. That was fine too.

I think we (my siblings and I and our Dad) all became more independent. It was really good to see my Mum doing her own thing and furthering her career. This was in the 70s so not at all common then.

Of course it matters if the kids don't like it.

Well at least their feelings would matter to most anyway.

That doesn't mean she automatically shouldn't go, but their feelings definitely do matter and should be talked out.

But if a dad did this no one would bat an eyelid.