To leave DH and kids to do this

I don't think that OP resents the fact that her children exist. She probably does resent the fact that even though her DH was the one who really wanted children, she has been the one to sacrifice her career to care for the children.

You don't have to. You can remain in your Victorian bubble where women have no rights and are the property of their husbands. OP wants something more than that.

Plus, doing a Master's degree isn't 'living like a man'. Don't you believe in education for women?

She's had all of her twenties and some of her thirties "for her" with no responsibilities. Once you have kids your life gets a bit restricted for a while. This applies to both parents.

Go for IT OP you only live once and what a great role model for your kids, at any age you can have career satisfaction and life long learning. Also Dad did this before it's my turn now, and we support each other in the relationship, goals, parenting etc.

You'll be back before GCSEs and those crunch years too and you'll come back to the company you love but at a higher level.

This is really inspiring 👏🏻

That's not very relevant to the OP then, is it?

So probably not something they need to factor into their decision making.

BTW DD has ADHD, but has a lot of emotional intelligence. So I am not sure that it is an reason for not handling teen drama.

Go.

A lot depends on what type of people your DC are, and how your DH is likely to cope. I would probably begin by having a family meeting to float the idea. Give the children the opportunity to voice how they feel about it and to ask any questions. Perhaps revisit it a week later, after it's had a chance to ruminate and they think of anything else they wanted to ask.

I'm not sure I could have done this, but I'm a real homebird, I'm not even too keen on going away on holiday! You sound really excited about this opportunity @Youcannotbeseriou, and if you can express that to your DC, maybe they will be able to focus on the positives (more quality time with Mum when you are home, more money for treats/holidays in the long run, a happier, more fulfilled Mum etc.) and hopefully get on board!

If your DC are really against it, you think it would be detrimental to them in a serious way, or you have valid concerns about your DH's inability to cope, then you could consider pushing it back until the youngest goes to uni.

Would you say the same if the father was asking?

I couldn't do it but that's not to say that you shouldn't. Do you really believe this is the answer to your unhappiness?

I do leave my children for weekends away, work etc and my dp is a very 50/50 hands on parent but this feels different. An active choice to live separately from your family. You will miss so much. It's a huge ask of your family and it sends a strong mess about where they are on your priority list. Do you think your marriage and relationship with your children and come through it in tact? Those are crucial ages where they change so much.

Are there no distance learning or online options?

Er thanks for the sympathy. My partner has adhd so no they aren't always able to cope with teen drama in the most productive way. Thats why we parent together as a team

I dont think I could spend that much time away from my DD and she is 11. That’s just my personal feeling, doesn’t mean you’d be wrong for wanting to go, if you feel you could make it work and still maintain a close relationship with your children.
You sound like you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder about becoming a parent when you were a bit ambivalent about it. Presumably no one forced you to have them. You need to make peace with that decision and stop carrying that resentment around with you.

Similar set up here, but with one week on one week off. My DC have 2 parents who love abd support them, and we're only a phone call/WA away on the week when they're not with us.

I think it's worth a try, OP.

I don't disagree with anything you have written. That is why both my husband and I have worked away from home for periods of time.

Perhaps read the whole conversation before launching in next time

In the grand scheme of your life with kids 2 years isn’t a long time and you will have about 3 months home in summer and long Christmas and Easter break. Your kids are only 6/8 years away from being adults and going to uni themselves. Where will you be then if you don’t do the course? Regretting not having the career you could have had. They won’t be with you forever you know but your career and education will stay and you will have something after they leave and girlfriends and mates are more important .

Also timetable wise you might get lucky. Find out if any of it is online or what % you can watch the recording of the lecture as some are recorded anyway. No uni course is 9-5 Monday to Friday. You need to find out how many contact hours and then overall study hours.

Weird also you can’t do the course at a more local university. But you haven’t mentioned what it is so assuming 3 hours away is only possibility

Why is having a career, following a calling 'living like a man'? Why do you think that only men should follow their dreams? Why shouldn't women have ambitions of their own?

No, I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't want to affect their childhood to that extent. You chose to have the kids, regardless of who pushed for them. I'd wait till they are of college/uni age. And I would and have said the exact same thing to dads.

Another 'child of', here. I felt really abandoned in my teens when my mum did something similar. She started when I was 12.

I'm not saying don't do it, but please dont kid yourself into thinking that your children aren't going to be affected just because they aren't little. I actually needed her a lot more in my teen years than in other stages. It's when you start needing your mum's advice, rather than just your dinner sorting and your clothes washed.

Also DH needs to be 100% on the ball about domestic duties, because you can't be picking up the slack on the weekends. My mum was incredibly distracted when she was home, which made me feel like I was in the way all the time. Didn't help that she was quite vocal about the whole "I sacrificed to have children" thing!

I taught in a University on professional programmes. Lots of people do this! A three hour drive and staying away three/4 nights a week is normal for many families. I would not have thought of it as you leaving them. Do you feel your marriage is over if you do this? It does not need to be.

I think too much is being made of the OP saying she wasn’t that bothered about having children. Not everyone has a visceral longing for babies. It doesn’t mean they will love their children any less once they’re born.I know two different women who have admitted to me they probably wouldn’t have had children if their DHs hadn’t wanted them. Both love their children and are good mothers.

edit: fixed a typo.

This!

If you're already feeling trapped and restricted the freedom you'd experience would make your home life feel even more like drudgery.

That is a massive generalisation and a pretty outdated view point.

Do it.
Men do it plenty (my recent ex has been in the military the entire time we have had kids) only back on weekends and leave and unis get more holidays than the military!
I started a degree 6months before I turned 40 and ummmed and ahhed, but in 9 months I'll be done and the 5yrs has flown! There are still a lot of working years left for both of us, go for the job you love!!

I haven’t read all the comments, I got a few pages in and wanted to comment.

From a different perspective, I co-parent my 3 children who are now 13, 12 and 6. We alternate weeks on a 4/3 overnight basis. My kids have been doing this for 3 years now and adapted well. When they are with their dad, they can message or call if and when needed. Is this so different to what you are proposing? My children adapted quickly and have no issue with this way. Yours would only be temporary and Uni have breaks over the important holidays. As long as you don’t miss birthdays I think it can work for the 2 year period. All I would say is I hope on the weekends at home you aren’t playing catch up with cleaning, cooking or washing. Those days are for quality time with your family.

good luck

How many of us are conveniently with our mums when we start our periods? I wasn’t. I was prepared though because we talked about it. DH will go and get Dd chocolate, fill her hot water bottle and buy her sanitary products without batting an eye. She has no problem talking to him about it either.

@Youcannotbeseriou
My kids are 24, 22 and 20 now. I didn’t do it. It’s my biggest regret in life. I love my kids, my family…. But I resent that they took ‘me ‘ away.
What you’re doing is only short weeks, short terms, only for two years.
Absolutely go for it…… It will ultimately benefit all of you.
Theres nothing worse than seeing adult kids feeling guilty, and adjusting their lives, for the sacrifices their parents made for them.
Parents are not martyrs, we deserve to lead our own lives and be happy too……