To leave DH and kids to do this

However what we do need ti acknowledge is that an individuals experience is not that of someone else. People are highly individualistic and have different wants and needs.
OP has expressed that as her children are now older and much more independent (they are not babies or toddlers.) That she requires somehing more to be fulfilled as well as seeking to better their future lives. She is not proposing abandonment si some perspective needs to be implemented.

Ok it’s just my opinion that woman have a different experience following childbirth than men and that most women carry the mental load

Again when you say Most women do you have the data on that or is that a presumption on your part. I'd like to know what studies this involved for you to garner this opinion. Because without studies and evidence it is JUST your opinion and not an actual fact no matter how you word it. And yes I study developmental and biological psychology.

If you want to deliberately misinterpret everything I say and deny there’s a difference between MOST woman and men following childbirth then that’s fine. I didn’t say men can’t be nurturing or shouldn’t be as nurturing as woman, I didn’t say that foster carers can’t be nurturing. You just sound silly and not the feminist you think you are when you deny MOST woman’s experiences

That seems to be the opinion of several posters on this thread...

As long as those people are women.

Probably cos people can be nurturing without being pregnant? Duh

Sorry, maybe I missed it in your post, can you point me towards the research which backs up that being a biological predisposition within women and not societal conditioning? Unless you're suggesting Mumsnet posts are your source?

Great that your partner took his child to the shop, though. He sounds fab.

I don't know how us adoptive parents manage to be nurturing, without having that hormone hit...

Seriously? Most of these threads on here are woman complaining of being burnt out and doing most of the mental load. I see it every day with woman I work with and family members. Again I am not talking about my partner so unsure why you keep bringing it up. I did not have a maternal instinct until my children were born and the hormonal impact hit me like a ton of bricks. My partner took them to the shops after a couple of days and I was pacing the floor, my breasts would leak when he started crying. This didn’t happen to him. Why is it so many men have walked away from their children too? We can agree to disagree but I don’t think ignoring differences and ignoring how woman are now working and doing most of the mental load and childcare is helpful to females

When you find evidence that there is an innate biological predisposition for women to be "more nurturing" than men, and that it is not due to societal conditioning, please share it.

I'm trying to find it but I'm reasonably sure that the drive to nurture is driven by oxytocin and that women produce higher levels of that than men. This doesn't, of course, mean that men can't or don't nurture children, particular their own, as well as women.

But try taking a new born baby into a big office with a significant proportion of men and you'll soon see the difference in the drive to nurture, which I feel is so huge it can't be explained simply by culture.

Is there a human society anywhere in the world where men are routinely the primary care givers (aside from breast feeding, obviously! ) ? If the drive to nurture was equal you would expect to find at least one somewhere.

Again, I disagree that most men don't share the mental load. But I appreciate that you may see it that way if you have an inadequate partner.

As for this: "most woman have naturally a more instinctive need to nurture their children"

Can you share any research that backs up this statement? Because it just sounds like a stick used by society to beat women.

I agree.

In a few years, high school demands will be ramping up, so she can't put it off by a few years.

You don't do a (work related) Master's if you expect to retire within the next ten years. It's just not worth the time / energy / money. So she can't put it off till after the kids have finished school.

It's now or never.

Rubbish.

Back in the 1940s my grand father coped as the main parent (while working) as my grandmother was away doing teacher training for two years. My mother was 8/9 and coped perfectly well, just as she did aged 6/7 while her father did his teacher training (post war schemes to address the teacher shortage).

My mother wasn't scarred for life by either of them being away a lot. Nor was she affected by her mother being away compared to her father.

And this was before it was possible to Facetime, or even telephone regularly.

She was in a safe, predictable environment, and knew why her parent was away. When they were home they were fully present. School and her every day routine continued. It was completely normal, and she knew the absent parent would be back.

'Most' men don't share the mental.load because they don't have to if the mother constantly does it. FFS, as a single mother I would quite happily give up the mental load if I had someone constantly stepping in to carry it for me. Especially if I had a 'get out of jail free' card that told me it was 'natural' for this other person to be better than me at it. Also would be happy to let a mythical partner do more than their share of housework, if i could get away with it...

If people all stayed the same, in the same jobs, same house, same everything and never explored something new, because they thought continuity was all, and change should not happen, it would not help the children grow and understand what is expected of them when they grow up. Showing them how to live in the adult world is part of parent's responsibility, and if the OP has the chance to show her DC that they should strive to improve themselves after they grow up, it is a good thing.

Have you ever had the chance to look at a stagnant pond.

We are horrified at volcanoes and earthquakes, but they are part of nature, to constantly change the earth.

Same with climate change.

If nature stood still, would the earth be the better for it?

I didn’t say my partner doesn’t share the mental load, I said most men don’t and most woman have naturally a more instinctive need to nurture their children.

There is nothing to be guilty about wanting to improve yourself and potentially becoming a higher earner. My Dad did exactly what you are wanting to do when I was about 11. It was a totally positive thing. He got a big boost in his self esteem, My Mum was really proud that he wanted to better himself but also felt good for being able to handle it. My Mum and I became much closer as your kids will with him (I think( . All round a positive experience for everyone. The most important is to get DH on board 101% .......................

I find it sad that the way parenting is ‘distributed’ between parents is such that many people feel they'd have struggle wo their mum because they needed her.
And no mention of the father, how he could have supported them just as well etc…

I feel sad for you if you chose a partner who does not share the mental load and who you could not trust to parent effectively.

I honestly believe that an adult man should be able to take care of his home and his children for part of the week to support his partner to achieve goals outside of being a mother.

I am all for chasing your dreams, but I still very much needed my Mum at the age your kids are, and I would have found it really hard if she was away a lot. The course will still be there in a few years. I'd delay it a bit until the kids are a bit older. Is there something else that could fulfil you in the meantime? A new hobby? Training in something similar but closer?

Yes, that was my point. Do it sooner rather than later.

@CheltenhamLady I think the OP has said she is currently late 40’s so would presumably be hitting 50/51 when she graduates, if she waits until the children have flown the coop then she would be too late to make the most of a career change.

I think you have 'mum guilt' but, another perspective is that if you will be 60 when you graduate that is veering towards retirement. You may feel very differently about carrying on working at that point, even if you do not you will have just seven years left in work to rise up the ranks. So really, if you want to do this it does need to be done sooner rather than later. Don't wait until you will be that 60 year old graduate.

I had a very successful career both before having our children, and again, in a different field, afterwards, but that took sacrifices on both sides.

However, by the time I was 60 I had had enough and wanted to retire and travel and do all the other things which I had been unable to do earlier in life. I just changed almost overnight from being a driven career woman to wanting to slow down and pursue a life not governed by someone elses clock.

Worth thinking about?

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Absolutely agree