Bedroom dilemma

It's always a real shock to be told the truth when people have been politely not doing that.

So, up until now you've performed your duties as a parent. Good. That's your job.

Nobody said you can't fuck your boyfriend, and nobody said you were Rosemary West (odd comment).

Nobody suggested you wait until they're 30 either.

But I suppose that as you have no reasonable argument, you have to rely on logical fallacies (straw man being the obvious one) to soothe yourself.

Everyone knows that blended families rarely work, that your kids are going to be disadvantaged and far less happy than remaining where they are and everyone knows you care more about getting what you want than you do about that reality.

There's no reason at all to force your kids to live with a man and his sons, beyond that's what you want. Just accept it, because that's how your kids will see it and this is the reality of how everyone in real life sees you too.

Well maybe the odd selfish person who puts their boyfriend/girlfriend and their own wants over the needs, stability and happiness of their kids might try to give you a pass, but most will see it exactly as I have said).

Get used to it.

Exactly,
hence I would have given him a room and make other two to share. Then we eldest is moved out, give the room to one of them.

Yes, the two brother could also share and then each of OP have a room too.

The eldest already does not live there so he doesn't need a permanent room of his own.

Just to clarify, he does underhand that DD can’t share with anyone, and that she does need her own space. We just can’t work out how to make it fair for everyone 🙂

Just to clarify, he does underhand that DD can’t share with anyone, and that she does need her own space. We just can’t work out how to make it fair for everyone 🙂

Yes, it is a blended family so they should act like it or wait that one of the eldest move out to start living together…

Two of the kids are grown up! They may always want to ‘come home’ for a night or two. They may split with a partner in later life and need a room. You can’t plan for every eventuality, you do the best with the space you have/can afford.

Op is only getting this much stick because it’s a blended family and by MN ridiculous standards you either stay with your dc father or you remain single. If you choose to have another relationship while your kids are still young (and even when they’re not) you are a selfish harlot who is prioritising cock (as one delightful poster wrote) and emotionally traumatising your kids. Yes blended families can be tricky, it doesn’t always work with everyone living together and the parents need to be aware of this and act in the kids best interests. In this case it sounds like they all get along and when two of them won’t even be living there the majority of the time (the 19 year old comes once a week and has a room at his mums ffs!) I really think some of these comments are over the top and meant purely to berate op on daring to date again.

Have you been here long?

It's a fairly common scenario

Yes, it is a blended family so they should act like it or wait that one of the eldest move out to start living together…

You're suggesting that the two who are there most often (and who are unrelated) share. That means that a lot of the time they would be sharing whilst two rooms sat empty.

I realise that compromises are clearly needed in the scenario that OP is looking at, and that it's not the biggest issue here; but personally, I would really hate the very idea that there was a cupboard in MY room that had been locked to keep ME out of it.

I think it sends out a signal far deeper than the actual fact of it.

I get if it's a small child's room and there is a door/cupboard that leads to/contains something that can't go elsewhere that could be unsafe for them until they're older - e.g. an en-suite or medical supplies for the child to be administered by a parent - but the very thought that a teenager could have a part of their own room that's been effectively annexed and secured to keep them out... just horrible.

Would OP and her DP be considering buying a joint property to house them all if they didn’t ? Logically not.

Maybe don’t move in together? Does your need for cock override the welfare of your kids?

Her DD who doesn't have a permanent bedroom elsewhere all year round needs one more than the 19 year old who has a permanent bedroom at his mother's house.

Who do you think is stipulating that his children can’t share?

HE is.

I’m not the one who is unwilling for them to share. Their father is.

Exactly. If this wasn’t a blended family the suggestions would be very different. Rather than take the obvious option of DPs two sharing, let’s punish the parents for daring to move on with their lives. It’s asinine.

The 19 year old is there one day a week, his primary home is at his mother’s house. Are you really suggesting they put their lives on hold after a seven year relationship and impending marriage until the dc decide they don’t want to stay over anymore?

Kids share rooms. It’s how families work. I know people will bleat on about how the kids aren’t related therefore strangers but the op has said this isn’t the case and they all get along. I’m fairly sure a sensible 19 year old would understand the logistics of the situation.

With her mother and when she comes back she will have the guest room to herself.

Neither is DPs two sharing a room for one night a week. The suggestion that this is so unacceptable that OP and her DP should stay apart for an unspecified period of time is batshit. What exactly are they waiting for ?

Her husband is not willing to have them share. So that’s not going to happen

How is it “on hold”?
They’re getting married. He has “raised” OP’s son.
They have to sleep apart for two nights a week for a few more years. It’s not a big deal.