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Original poster

Bedroom dilemma

619 replies

soniiaa · 10/10/2025 21:19

Me and DP are moving in together and we don’t know how to sort out the bedrooms. It’s a 4 bed house.

I have -
DS11 (is with me 90% of the time)
DD18 (is at uni but stays with me 100% of the holidays)

DP has -
DS16 (with him every weekend and every school holiday)
DS19 (with him ad hoc - maybe once or twice a week)

DP would ideally like his kids to have their own rooms, but then so would I. Maybe this is unreasonable with DD being at uni? Would really appreciate peoples thoughts!

OP posts:
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NamelessNancy · 10/10/2025 22:13

soniiaa · 10/10/2025 21:32

I’ve actually said because of what her dad has done I won’t do that 🤷🏼‍♀️

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But you're creating a situation where at least one of the kids is likely to feel pushed out. Why not wait to move in together until it's less of an issue if you can't afford more rooms.

Sassylovesbooks · 10/10/2025 22:11

DS11 has his own room. DD18 has her own room when she's home. DS16 & DS19 share a room when DD18 is home but when she isn't DS19 uses her room. In all honesty nothing is ideal, but it's not possible for all the children to have their own room. Unless you find a 5 bedroomed house or build an extension onto a 4 bedroomed house or turned a second reception room into another bedroom.

sladtheinkaler · 10/10/2025 22:11

I think you and your boyfriend both need to prioritise your respective children over yourselves. If that means not moving in together yet, so be it.

SockBanana · 10/10/2025 22:10

Absolutely agree about the garden room - if you can't afford it now I'd wait until you can before moving. It'll give her some independence when back from uni too - assuming shes happy with that.

Tbh, at least one of the older kids is likely to love the idea of their own place in the garden.

thisishowloween · 10/10/2025 22:09

Don’t move in together - it’s not obligatory. It wouldn’t be fair on any of the kids.

BluntPlumHam · 10/10/2025 22:09

latetothefisting · 10/10/2025 22:06

ffs why do people come out with this shit, as though a) there are millions of 5 bed properties even out there, and b) everyone can easily afford them but just chooses a smaller house for shits and giggles.

Not to mention that getting a 5 bed when 4 of the bedrooms won't be occupied full time is just ridiculous.

Why stop at a 5 bed, get a mansion OP. Actually why not buy both of the older two their own house 🙄

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The point is don’t move in with your bf at the expense of your children. They clearly cannot afford to give their children space which they very much need in blended situations.

Gymbunny2025 · 10/10/2025 22:09

latetothefisting · 10/10/2025 22:06

ffs why do people come out with this shit, as though a) there are millions of 5 bed properties even out there, and b) everyone can easily afford them but just chooses a smaller house for shits and giggles.

Not to mention that getting a 5 bed when 4 of the bedrooms won't be occupied full time is just ridiculous.

Why stop at a 5 bed, get a mansion OP. Actually why not buy both of the older two their own house 🙄

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But they currently have 2 x 3 beds so 1 x 5 bed is actually down sizing!

Delphinium20 · 10/10/2025 22:08

Largest bedroom goes to DS 16 who shares w/ DS 19
Second largest you and DP
3rd largest DS 11
Smalles DD

NO WAY would I allow the only girl to have to swap with a boy or share a guest room w/ a boy or her brother. If the DS 11 was a girl, I'd give her the largest room and have DD 19 share on holiday.

randomchap · 10/10/2025 22:08

Can one of them have the living room as a bedroom?

beaniebabby · 10/10/2025 22:08

You need a 5 bed

BluntPlumHam · 10/10/2025 22:07

shhblackbag · 10/10/2025 21:31

I feel sorry for kids in these blended familes all of a sudden having to share because their parent wants to live with whomever. They didn't ask for any of what has happened to them. At least get a house with a reception room that can be converted. Especially with adult children not affording to move out after uni.

I have to agree with you. Put your children first not a man.

NetZeroZealot · 10/10/2025 22:07

AbstractReflections · 10/10/2025 21:24

Younger two get a room each, spare room for older two that come in holidays. Possibly also a trundle in his DS' room in case the two older ones visit at the same time?

This

latetothefisting · 10/10/2025 22:06

doodleygirl · 10/10/2025 21:21

Get a 5 bed, that’s the only way it will work

ffs why do people come out with this shit, as though a) there are millions of 5 bed properties even out there, and b) everyone can easily afford them but just chooses a smaller house for shits and giggles.

Not to mention that getting a 5 bed when 4 of the bedrooms won't be occupied full time is just ridiculous.

Why stop at a 5 bed, get a mansion OP. Actually why not buy both of the older two their own house 🙄

Ophy83 · 10/10/2025 22:06

Your kids can't share as they are different sexes so his will have to. It also makes sense if you look at how much time they spend at home - ds 90% of the time, dd and dss16 are probably both 50% as uni holidays are longer than school holidays, dss19 is less than 30%.

Gymbunny2025 · 10/10/2025 22:06

It seems unlikely that the 19 year old son or 18 year old daughter will want to stay over at all if they don’t have their own bedrooms. I absolutely would not risk that and wouldn’t move in together

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 10/10/2025 22:06

Live apart until all children can support themselves. Blended families are shit.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 10/10/2025 22:05

Those boys will hate you if they have to share a room. It will become your fault.

LEWWW · 10/10/2025 22:05

Could you split the biggest bedroom for his 2? With a proper wall etc? Then have a room for your DS and a room for your DD, when your DD moves out then one of the boys can have it, if they still want it, doubt the 19 year old would be coming over much longer but your 18 yo defo needs a permanent bedroom, at least for now.

Whatshesaid96 · 10/10/2025 22:04

His two boys share the largest room. You can do some really inventive things with furniture to split the room to give them each some privacy. One would hardly use his side anyway if he is only there one or two nights.

nomas · 10/10/2025 22:04

soniiaa · 10/10/2025 21:35

We haven’t decided still unfortunately. I don’t know what’s best to do. I feel his 2 should share as he rarely has them at the same time but at his house now they have their own rooms so I can understand why he doesn’t want to take that away.

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I think DP’s DSs should share, and perhaps they take it turns to stay in DD’s room when she is away.

The compromise could be that the room stays quite neutral and not too full of her stuff so that the DSs feel comfortable in it too.

LarryIsMyRomanEmpire · 10/10/2025 22:03

soniiaa · 10/10/2025 21:28

Exactly how I feel!

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Well don't move in with him then put your kids first.

Avie29 · 10/10/2025 22:02

We have just finished building DS and DD their own rooms out of summer houses, fully insulated and electric sockets etc they love it and they are brilliant, maybe an idea for DD who isn’t home some of the time? xx

Delphiniumandlupins · 10/10/2025 22:01

Is there space/finances to build a garden room? Probably for the older SDS.

ChickpeaCauliflowerSalad · 10/10/2025 22:01

MellowPinkDeer · 10/10/2025 21:29

You should be buying a house big enough for everyone to have their own room.

Are you aware the Magic Money tree doesn't actually exist??

FamBae · 10/10/2025 22:00

Sorry posted twice in error.

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