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Original poster

Bedroom dilemma

619 replies

soniiaa · 10/10/2025 21:19

Me and DP are moving in together and we don’t know how to sort out the bedrooms. It’s a 4 bed house.

I have -
DS11 (is with me 90% of the time)
DD18 (is at uni but stays with me 100% of the holidays)

DP has -
DS16 (with him every weekend and every school holiday)
DS19 (with him ad hoc - maybe once or twice a week)

DP would ideally like his kids to have their own rooms, but then so would I. Maybe this is unreasonable with DD being at uni? Would really appreciate peoples thoughts!

OP posts:
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everychildmatters · 10/10/2025 23:00

I love MN at times! "Just buy a 5-bed house - simple solution!" We are not all that wealthy!! We're 44 and 49, both work, but no way could we!

Bloozie · 10/10/2025 22:58

soniiaa · 10/10/2025 22:57

That did make me chuckle

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Have you asked the kids what their thoughts are?

Original poster
soniiaa · 10/10/2025 22:57

Beachtastic · 10/10/2025 22:26

Or kill one of the children!

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That did make me chuckle

OP posts:
shuggles · 10/10/2025 22:56

doodleygirl · 10/10/2025 21:21

Get a 5 bed, that’s the only way it will work

"Just get a 5 bedroom house."
"If you're unwell, just stop being sick."
"If you're poor, just go and get some money."
"If you have mental health issues, just be happy."

RhododendronFlowers · 10/10/2025 22:54

WeightLossGoal2024 · 10/10/2025 22:48

Look at other houses/cheaper areas. I think with a young blended family they each need to have their own private bedrooms

I would agree with this, even if the bedrooms are smaller or one of them is downstairs. I can't see how the sharing will work in a way to suit everyone.

thewalrus3 · 10/10/2025 22:53

Is there any possibility of doing some sort of room divide? Are the rooms big enough? Your dd needs her own room for when she comes back - this should be the smallest room if there is one. Then your ds11 gets his own and the other two boys share the larger room with some sort of divide. Still not ideal.

Could you extend at all?

RhododendronFlowers · 10/10/2025 22:53

Whaleandsnail6 · 10/10/2025 22:49

Of course op doesn't have to stay single for ever...she hasn't been single for however long she and her dp have been in a relationship.

However op and her dp don't have to move in together right now...they can wait until the timing is better.

All of these kids will have more changes coming up in their lives in the next couple of years which will likely make moving in and room allocation a lot easier

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I think that's a fair point, their ages and situations make this very tricky.

Ponderingwindow · 10/10/2025 22:52

ILovedThe1990s · 10/10/2025 22:27

I'd base it on time spent there.

DS11 (with you 90% of the time) so own room

DS16 (every weekend and holidays) so own room

DD18 (at uni, home for holidays) so has her own room but used as guest room while she’s away

DS19 (ad hoc visits) so uses DD’s room when she’s away, and a pull-out/daybed setup elsewhere when DD18 home.

Isn’t this just setting up resentment between the children. Oh great, you’re here and I’m kicked out of the comfortable room and have to sleep in the sofa with no privacy.

RhododendronFlowers · 10/10/2025 22:52

soniiaa · 10/10/2025 21:27

I think the actual problem for me is that DD wouldn’t have a bedroom of her own when she came home. She doesn’t even have a bed or sofa bed at her dad’s house which is why she doesn’t visit him anymore. But I’m also very aware that there can’t be a spare room for 60% of the year while she is away!

Oh, poor girl. She really needs a base doesn't she?.

RappelChoan · 10/10/2025 22:50

So at the moment between you and DP you can afford to run two households were all DC have their own room - but if you move in together you can’t afford for them all to have a room of their own? How come? Are you moving to a more expensive area or something? There must be a way of affording 5 bedrooms.

Whaleandsnail6 · 10/10/2025 22:49

PrivateMusic · 10/10/2025 22:34

Omg some of these comments are unhinged 😂 op how dare you find happiness and not stay single forever! 🙄

Of course op doesn't have to stay single for ever...she hasn't been single for however long she and her dp have been in a relationship.

However op and her dp don't have to move in together right now...they can wait until the timing is better.

All of these kids will have more changes coming up in their lives in the next couple of years which will likely make moving in and room allocation a lot easier

Ponderingwindow · 10/10/2025 22:48

Yennefer17 · 10/10/2025 21:40

Kids whose parents stay in awful marriages for money and convenience also didn't ask for it and yet nobody feels sorry for them (most of the time). (I was that kid, before anyone asks).

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There are plenty of options between staying in a bad marriage and creating a new household that isn’t well planned.

The goal is to prioritize your children, whatever option is chosen. A relationship is never a requirement.

WeightLossGoal2024 · 10/10/2025 22:48

Look at other houses/cheaper areas. I think with a young blended family they each need to have their own private bedrooms

CrystalShoe · 10/10/2025 22:47

Must you live together, OP? It all sounds really awkward. Can't you just carry on being a couple who doesn't live together, at least until some of the kids are through uni?

Toofficeornot · 10/10/2025 22:47

Do you have to buy this house? Buy a house with a garage that can be converted or add a garden room for the eldest boy.

HappyHoppyHeather · 10/10/2025 22:46

Or buy another home that you can do this in^^?

HappyHoppyHeather · 10/10/2025 22:45

Has it got a separate reception room that could be used as a bedroom?

Or is one of bedrooms big enough to split into 2?

Toofficeornot · 10/10/2025 22:45

I would give the DS who is at the house 90 percent of the time his own room. Then the other three rooms set up in neutral colours so any of them can stay in any room. With a wardrobe and drawers allocated to each to store their stuff. You can have two beds in one of the rooms in case all four stay on the same night, but it sounds like this will be rare. But none have a 'room' as it were. As it would be silly to have a spare room free if three were there.
I can't see how else tou can make it fair.

Namerequired · 10/10/2025 22:44

ishimbob · 10/10/2025 22:27

But isn't this exactly what your DP would be doing to his 19 year old? Taking away a bedroom of his own, leading to him likely not wanting to visit his dad any more.

I don't think it's reasonable for either of you to do that to your kids. I would have thought selling two 3 beds would give you some ability to sort out 5 bedrooms, even if it involves a garden room/splitting a bedroom/something creative

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His son would still at least have a bed and a shared room, what’s the alternative for her daughter?

Namerequired · 10/10/2025 22:41

Your daughter as the only girl needs her own room, you can’t just not have a room for her. Even though she is at uni, your house is her main home. The 2 boys should be fine to share. They are there part time, rarely together, are full siblings and close in age.
What does your dp expect you to do? If it’s to not have a room at all for your daughter then I wouldn’t be moving in with him.
If your other child was a girl I would say they could share when your older one is at home, but any other option is pushing your daughter out, that’s not ok.

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 10/10/2025 22:37

PrivateMusic · 10/10/2025 22:34

Omg some of these comments are unhinged 😂 op how dare you find happiness and not stay single forever! 🙄

Who said she has to end the relationship?

FinallyAPrincess · 10/10/2025 22:36

soniiaa · 10/10/2025 21:23

Just to add - we haven’t bought the house yet. We can’t afford a 5 bed.

Consider splitting one of the main bedrooms into two box rooms.

Obeseandashamed · 10/10/2025 22:35

DS 11 needs his own room.
DD18 should have the smallest room.
DS16 & 19 to share but have the largest room?

PrivateMusic · 10/10/2025 22:34

Omg some of these comments are unhinged 😂 op how dare you find happiness and not stay single forever! 🙄

TotHappy · 10/10/2025 22:34

What about if its unblended but you still can't afford a room each? A room to oneself is not a right fgs. We have a three bed, 2 doubles and a box room and 3 children. At the moment the youngest two share. But they are boy and girl and I can see in the next 3 years or so that will have to change. Which will be unfortunate as eldest DD really needs her space and will hate sharing with her sister, 6 years younger. I would also love my own room, away from DH, but life's tough.