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Original poster

Bedroom dilemma

619 replies

soniiaa · 10/10/2025 21:19

Me and DP are moving in together and we don’t know how to sort out the bedrooms. It’s a 4 bed house.

I have -
DS11 (is with me 90% of the time)
DD18 (is at uni but stays with me 100% of the holidays)

DP has -
DS16 (with him every weekend and every school holiday)
DS19 (with him ad hoc - maybe once or twice a week)

DP would ideally like his kids to have their own rooms, but then so would I. Maybe this is unreasonable with DD being at uni? Would really appreciate peoples thoughts!

OP posts:
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SprayWhiteDung · 13/10/2025 22:58

Thatstheheatingon · 13/10/2025 22:36

It's not a room being empty, it's dc being doubled up in another room while a room lies empty.

No, I agree - which is why I'm amazed they didn't try to find one of the many 4-bed houses that come with more than one reception room or even a garage that could be assigned as somebody's bedroom for as long as it's required.

Surely logic dictates that, if you have four bedrooms (and probably at least one bathroom) upstairs, there will be room in many common house layouts for two reception rooms downstairs.

I was just addressing the people who seem to be actively in favour of not buying a house with enough bedrooms or other rooms that can be apportioned as such, with each child/adult child having their own bedroom - on the basis that the rooms won't all be full for all of the time.

DorothyStorm · 13/10/2025 22:38

Thatstheheatingon · 13/10/2025 21:23

But if they are there on the same two days, there's still going to be a bedroom lying empty - that's what I don't get.
Just make the 4th bedroom a spare room with cupboards for both the dd and the eldest ds.

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The oldest ds and the dd cannot share though.

Thatstheheatingon · 13/10/2025 22:36

It's not a room being empty, it's dc being doubled up in another room while a room lies empty.

SprayWhiteDung · 13/10/2025 22:33

I don't understand the people bemoaning the fact that bedrooms are going to be empty and unoccupied for a lot of the time.

Surely this is obvious - and unavoidable - when children no longer live 24/7 with both parents, and with university students who are away during the long term times but back home for the also long holidays?

In fact, in the case of any family where everybody goes out to work or school/nursery all day, the entire house will be unoccupied for probably 20% or more of the time!

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 13/10/2025 22:30

The children of the same sex, from the same family, nearest in age need to share. So, that’s his sons. You can’t mix sexes. Your 11 year old is both dependent age-wise and at home the most so should absolutely get his own room.

SprayWhiteDung · 13/10/2025 22:26

thewalrus3 · 13/10/2025 20:23

Two of them are adults not children.

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In contexts such as this, 'children' can mean offspring of any age as well as juveniles.

At any rate, the two who are now adults are at the very young end of adulthood.

Thatstheheatingon · 13/10/2025 21:23

Rosscameasdoody · 13/10/2025 19:30

Because both of the brothers are only there two days a week.

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But if they are there on the same two days, there's still going to be a bedroom lying empty - that's what I don't get.
Just make the 4th bedroom a spare room with cupboards for both the dd and the eldest ds.

thewalrus3 · 13/10/2025 20:23

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 13/10/2025 20:18

There's no scenario in which this move is in the best interests of the children involved.

Two of them are adults not children.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 13/10/2025 20:18

There's no scenario in which this move is in the best interests of the children involved.

thewalrus3 · 13/10/2025 20:14

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 13/10/2025 19:53

No, she's right. People don't want to hear it.

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No she isn’t right. She doesn’t know the people involved never mind the family dynamic. She is projecting massively and being incredibly arrogant in doing so.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 13/10/2025 19:53

thewalrus3 · 13/10/2025 15:12

It’s really not, nor are her other unhinged, ranting posts in which she pretends to know more about the OPs situation than she does. But if that kind of thing impresses you…

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No, she's right. People don't want to hear it.

Rosscameasdoody · 13/10/2025 19:31

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 13/10/2025 14:04

Very well said.

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No, it’s bollocks. Sorry.

Rosscameasdoody · 13/10/2025 19:30

Thatstheheatingon · 13/10/2025 12:55

It seems so odd to me that two boys (even brothers) would share during all of the weeks that the dd is at university. Why on earth couldn't he just use the room then?

Because both of the brothers are only there two days a week.

Blablibladirladada · 13/10/2025 19:12

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 12/10/2025 18:41

You would have given him a room even though he doesn't live there and made two children who do actually live there share?

That's batshit.

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Yeah

seen like that…

Thatstheheatingon · 13/10/2025 18:35

Fucking hell

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/10/2025 17:46

Thatstheheatingon · 13/10/2025 17:43

At 19? He's more likely to smell of shower gel and aftershave than BO and socks.
But it's the comment about him being dominating that is the most offensive.

Edited

Why?

Men are dominating if left unchecked.

I didn’t think that was remotely controversial.

Thatstheheatingon · 13/10/2025 17:43

At 19? He's more likely to smell of shower gel and aftershave than BO and socks.
But it's the comment about him being dominating that is the most offensive.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/10/2025 17:33

Thatstheheatingon · 13/10/2025 17:23

No

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I don’t dislike young men at all.

But I know they can have a tendency to dominate spaces, often unconsciously, and I’m afraid they do smell. It’s not their fault but they do.

Thatstheheatingon · 13/10/2025 17:23

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/10/2025 17:04

Or just realistic.

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No

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/10/2025 17:04

ishimbob · 13/10/2025 16:57

Agree, I thought this comment was vile.

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Or just realistic.

ishimbob · 13/10/2025 16:57

Thatstheheatingon · 13/10/2025 16:24

Such a level of dislike towards young men.

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Agree, I thought this comment was vile.

Thatstheheatingon · 13/10/2025 16:24

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/10/2025 14:46

I don’t know the personalities involved, of course, but I could see a 19 yo boy being very dominating of the space/ refusing to move out when dd18 is there, much more than I could imagine a girl/ young woman behaving in this way.

She doesn’t want to come home to a room that’s been a boy cave whilst she’s been away.

But I guess as long as the parents are firm and make sure that his stuff is out of there/ everything is clean and doesn’t smell of boy when she comes back it might just work.

I wouldn’t be opening that can of worms though.

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Such a level of dislike towards young men.

SprayWhiteDung · 13/10/2025 16:13

Rosscameasdoody · 13/10/2025 11:33

FFS how is this relevant to OP ?

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It was my contribution to how the discussion developed and widened out, as they very often do on MN - not just the OP's individual circumstances.

And as I stated above, it was a response to the suggestion that parents should only/mainly prioritise their own preferences, simply because the children don't/can't pay the mortgage or bills.

SprayWhiteDung · 13/10/2025 16:10

I totally agree, but according to MN, anywhere that a stepchild/member of a blended family ever sleeps, not matter how infrequently, has to be a 'main home', even if this results in numerous main homes.

You make it sound like a child who has to live between several homes following their parents' marriage/relationship coming to an end is either somehow lucky to have so many - as if they're Elton John with luxury holiday homes across the world - or otherwise should feel privileged to be tolerated anywhere that isn't the home with the parent where they spend the majority of their time.

CautiousLurker01 · 13/10/2025 15:23

Rosscameasdoody · 13/10/2025 11:30

This is the reality:

OP’s two have no other option as their dad has no overnight facilities, so them having their own rooms should be the priority and they can’t share anyway because they are different sexes.

DS19 and DS16 both have their own room at their mums’. DS16 is only there at weekends and during the school holidays so the room would be empty most of the time. DS19 is only home once or twice a week so his room would be empty most of the time too. So the logical solution is that DS16 and DS19 share because their presence will have the least impact on each other and they will each likely have the room to themselves most of the time. Why is that such a difficult concept ?

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This seems like the obvious solution to me too. It shouldn’t be a drama for two older teen brothers to share a room for the odd night.

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