Bedroom dilemma

Wait so - You have an 11 year old and you’re intending buying a house with and marrying a man (with his own children) whom you’ve have never lived with?

Obviously this sort of thing works out for some people, but it’s pretty high risk for your son.

If you both rented out your current homes, could you afford to rent a 5 bed? Then you’d both be keeping some security while testing the waters better.

But the answer to how long you can delay things for should always be - as long as you need to for the sake of your children.

Do DP’s sons share a room now where they live? If so, I don’t see that it should be any great hardship for them to continue doing so.

If not, then I would get a 5 bed which you say you can’t afford, or just not move in together until kids are a bit older and off living on their own.

So you’re going from two 3 bed houses to one 4 bed? And can’t afford a 5 bed? Is this because of a money crunch? Or is it just that 5 beds are so rare they fetch a premium?

It seems fairly obvious it needs to be your DP’s boys who are sharing if there is no chance of a 5 bed. What is he proposing?

Your DD obviously can’t share with any of the others. DS is there more of the time than any of them, so would seem obvious he should have his own room, but potentially could share if he gets on really well with one of the other boys. However, I would have thought the two brothers would prefer to share with each other than with a stepbrother who’s so much younger than either of them? I understand DP not wanting his kids to share if they’ve had their own rooms until now, but what does your he think the solution should be?

Alternatively you could look for somewhere you can split a bedroom in two, convert the loft, put an annex in the garden or decide you need to wait until you don’t need 5 beds.

Agree - especially about your 11-year old.

Exactly! Your priority is your children. It's not obligatory to live with bf. Surely you can still see each other/spend the night with each other.

I really don’t think it’s fair to any of your kids to move in together if they can’t continue to have their own space as they currently do.
However it sounds like you’re determined. So I would give all but his eldest their own room (given that he’s there least frequently for any prolonged period of time) with the understanding that he can use your daughter’s room when she’s away at uni, providing he respects her things. When she’s home then his two sons will have to share.

@ChickpeaCauliflowerSalad I wasn't bashing the OP at all.

Oh don't be daft. They can't afford to. Brothers occasionally sharing a room isn't the end of life as we know it.

Could you set up an insulated garden room for oldest son to hang out in? I know someone who did this and it was a game changer.

Exactly what most have said & it's really not a big deal is it.

No one said they weren't important🙄🙄🙄

just that occasionally sharing a room, with a sibling, isn't a big deal.

@soniiaa what reception rooms do you have downstairs?

Yes, definitely not part of the post. You have NO idea why this is the arrangement. Fir all you know his mum may not be part of the equation & he might be at boarding school - nose out.

I was house sharing at 17 ((normal in the country I lived in at that time) but not usual now in the UK when they have to stay in education longer. Most 19 year olds live at home (uni/home)

OP is entitled to move forward with her life, get married, live with her husband. Perfectly fine, you don't have to stop living when you get divorced. Plenty of children do just fine with step parents.

how about you give the op a rest & give her Ex husband a bash instead...

I would be holding off the marriage or wait until I could afford a 5 bedroom house. ALL the children are as important as each other.

Because occasionally sharing a room with your brother is no big deal.

'Pay the price' stop being such a drama llama. It's occasionally sharing a room.

Yes but the point of the original post is the OP wants to live together.
As has been pointed out upthread, the stepsons are full siblings , similar age and not usually there at the same time.

Where does DS19 usually live? Is he in FTE or does he work? Obviously he doesn't live with your DP full-time and as he's an adult now, I'm struggling to find out why he needs a room? I was renting my own place at that age, so find it a bit odd that he needs his "own room" in at least two different households!

Agree with others, I wouldn't get married next year, or buy a house with him. Blended families don't always work out and you're already facing this issue with you both disagreeing with own room entitlement!!

Your youngest is only 11, I really wouldn't bring a man and step brothers into his life, it's not fair on him.

And totally not part of the post, but it's really shitty that his DS16 gets no quality time with his mum, she gets all the weekday drudgery and he gets to be Disney Dad every weekend and school holiday.

The obvious solution is that they don't live together or blend families.

But then they're reserving a room for someone who is almost never there

I’m completely mind blown that you’re making arrangements to get married when you haven’t yet lived together. That’s highly unusual nowadays for couples without children, never mind for couples with a complex blended family situation to navigate. I would get that sorted first and then consider marriage, why on earth does it have to happen before?

The obvious solution is that DPs kids should share.
Is there somewhere else in the house you can put a sofa bed?
I think not giving your DD her own room given that she doesn’t have one at her fathers would be a bad move.

This. And only this.

won’t one 5 bed house be cheaper than the two 3 bedroom houses you currently own or rent?

Friend brought 4 bed and used dining room as bedroom then made kitchen into a kitchen diner.
Another friend put a conservatory on dining room to make an extra bedroom.

Are any of the rooms big that can be split with units or a plasterboard wall?