Bedroom dilemma

The eleven year old and the sixteen year old get their own rooms. The 2 x eighteen plus share the third room, which you furnish to accommodate two at a pinch so that they won't clash on dates.

Not the same . The place they are buying has never been home for any kids involved here

I knew someone and her children who moved in with her boyfriend and his children. They also went on to have a child together. It was a three bed house. His eldest daughter, who's home it had always been, was relegated to sleeping in the conservatory.

They aren't " forced" 2 of the boys actually live with their mother the majority of the time. Both the DD and eldest DS are adults and can choose to live where they like

The 11 year old is the only one with no choice

Why? Why can’t you delay things? Your kids come first, no?

Because that’s what they currently have before they are being forced to live with people they aren’t related to, so after they are mage to live with other people, it seems more important for them to have their own private, personal space.

This is exactly what I was going to suggest!

Is the 4 bed a semi or detached? If yes then have you looked at terraces so you might be able to afford more bedrooms? I where I live there is lots of victorian housing so you can get a 6 bed terrace that is the same price as 4 beds in the area but no drive or large garden. In your situation I think you need to consider prioritising bedrooms above all else

Find a different house

Why on earth would they?!

I wouldn’t move in together yet. You need to prioritise your kids here. Maybe once your DD has left uni and you know what her next steps are you can have another look.

Everyone should have a bed, so your DS gets his own room as he’s there practically fulltime. Your dd gets her own room as she is a different gender to her sibling. Your dps sons share but they get the largest bedroom. Your DDs room is the single bedroom.
Your dds room could also double up as the ‘guest’ room incase family come to stay.
if your dp won’t agree hold off moving for another 3 years and see where everyone is as a lot will change for the older 3 in the next few years.

@soniiaa Have you asked your partner where he thinks your DD should sleep during the holidays?

Get him to spell out exactly how he sees it working if his sons each have a room of their own.

If his sons each have a room of their own, and you have a room, that leaves one room left for your 11 year old DS who lives there all the time and your 18 year old DD who doesn't have anywhere else to go during the holidays.

Does he think that your DS, the only child who lives there full time, shouldn't have a bedroom of his own?

Does he think that your 18 year old DD shouldn't be able to come home in the holidays?

Does he think that your 18 year old DD, who is an adult woman who has gone through puberty, has a fully developed adult female body and menstruates once a month, should spend almost half the year sharing a bedroom with an 11 year old boy who will soon start going through puberty himself?

Why does he think these options are more appropriate than his 19 year old son, who has another bedroom somewhere nearby, sharing a bedroom with his 16 year old brother once a week max?

I shared a room until I left home.
When I went to uni, my bed was thrown away. I slept on a mattress on the floor.
I am scarred for life.
(Clearly not true.)
People do the best they can.
Having five bedrooms, most of which are empty most of the time, is hard to justify, especially when children are almost adults and won't need them in a handful of years.
Maybe discuss solutions with the kids themselves.
They may surprise you.

Dont think anyone has suggested she shares with any of the boys when she's there

Yes, that's a good point.

Yes, that's absolutely fine. A shared room with a sister is no problem. Thing is, this girl just has a brother and step brothers.

One of his sons is 19 though, and must have another bedroom somewhere else because he's sleeping in it six nights a week, so he needs a room much less than the OP's DD does.

My daughter's would have done as well. But back to a shared room

Your DS needs his own room because he's the only child who is there the whole time.

Your DD needs a room in the holidays and can't be expected to share with a much younger brother, or even worse, a stepbrother.

I think the only logical solution is that his sons share, but if they are ever both staying at the same time when your DD is not there, one of them could sleep in her room.

Could that work?

That's what I would have thought as well. However, as you can see from the comments, it's divisive!
I do think there's a school of thought on here that as soon as your child turns 18, all responsibility ends, however, I still think they need space in a parental home.
It's a tricky one, though!

So was my son's room. However. It was accommodation rather than a family home. We're never going to agree on this, so it's pointless, really. I just think that uni students could do with having a family home to come back to. My kids did, and benefitted.
Just my opinion.

His sons have to share. The 11 year old has to have his own room and your 18 year old daughter has to have her own room. There is no other solution and I wouldn't live with a man that couldn't see that.

Why do they " deserve" a room each? My DDs never had a room each. And they lived the full time with no bedroom elsewhere. Yet 3 of those " kids" have another room elsewhere.

So the 3 eldest have 2 rooms each if you get a 5 bed and only use them part time yet the 11 year old only has one room

Wait how long? Within a couple of years at least one of the young adults is likely to have moved out full time. Leaves parents with a huge house to pay for.