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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to send my little one to a "rich" school?

64 replies

kisaki333 · 10/10/2025 17:21

First, please don't flame me for this, this not a rich vs poor discussion. Just looking for some perspective as I am a first time parent and didn't go to school in the uk so this is all new to me. I want to choose the best option for my DD as she is starting reception next year.

All the primary schools in our area are ok, rated good by ofsted.
The school closest to us is a small one (only 1 class per year). My little one goes to nursery there and is happy. However I noticed most of the parents seem not that affluent let's say. Even in the official statistics over 40% of the children qualify for free meals which i think means on benefits. Not an issue in itself but for example there are no school trips as the parents can't afford them. Only minimal after school or extra curriculars, again as parents can't afford them.
School itself also seems to struggle financially, they can't afford a substitute teacher if someone calls in sick, for example.
Still, I like this school as the staff seem passionate(most of the teachers are young) and nurturing. My little one is a sensitive soul so probably would do better in a small setting.

On the other hand, there's a school in a more affluent part of town. It would mean we need to drive there and the traffic and parking are bad . But their PTA pays for many things, like a few years ago they got a pool installed. Loads of extracurriculars and facilities. They are a bigger school (2 classes each year) and feels a bit impersonal. Staff didn't strike me as passionate but then i only saw them a bit during a tour so not much interaction.

My little one would essentially be ok in both. But she is ahead academically so i worry in the "poor" school she won't be challenged enough as there's no resources for that. Yes, I can pay separately for football or ballet or whatever but the logistics of doing that outside of the school seems exhausting to me.

If you could get into either, which would you pick and why? I am slightly leaning towards the "rich" school so :
YABU - pick the small poor school as it's closer and they care.
YANBU - pick the large rich school as the academics and opportunities offered are more important

OP posts:
sparebooks · 10/10/2025 17:53

I definitely think the bigger one, if she is academically able.

MonGrainDeSel · 10/10/2025 17:52

coxesorangepippin · 10/10/2025 17:46

Of course you should send your child to the rich school, if you can

We aiming high for our kids, aren't we

But it might not actually be the better school, or even the better school for the OP's child. If the SATs results and Ofsted are similar, the poorer school must be doing an amazing job.

@kisaki333 what is the percentage of FSM at the richer school? And what's the average locally?

Tigerbalmshark · 10/10/2025 17:51

I think two form entry just allows schools to do a bit more - none of the one form entry schools around here have much in the way of clubs or after school care, because if you only have 150 children in the whole school it isn’t economical to run them (the smaller school are church schools around here and attract affluent people). I also think only having 25-30 kids in your year is a bit limiting - potentially only 10-15 girls to make friends with.

So, I’d go with the bigger school as long as academics no worse.

hydriotaphia · 10/10/2025 17:49

Schools get more per pupil funding for pupils on free school meals, so I wouldn't assume that a school with more 'poor' pupils is worse funding - all else being equal it should be better funded. However, there are obviously economies of scale with a larger school so this may explain the 'rich' school seeming better resourced. Richer parents can mean that PTA funds extracurriculars/extras but it won't add to the school's basic funding. I probably would go for the 'rich' school as you describe it, assuming outcomes /SATS are good.

ApricotCheesecake · 10/10/2025 17:47

This is a tricky one. Generally I think closer is good, but I would find the better clubs and facilities appealing. How long is the journey to the bigger one (allowing enough time for traffic and parking)? Fine if it's 15 mins each way (30 mins round trip) but if it was 30 mins each way then I would definitely be thinking twice.

coxesorangepippin · 10/10/2025 17:46

Of course you should send your child to the rich school, if you can

We aiming high for our kids, aren't we

Scrope · 10/10/2025 17:46

INX · 10/10/2025 17:41

Yes, I can pay separately for football or ballet or whatever but the logistics of doing that outside of the school seems exhausting to me.

Why exhausting? 😳

Yes, that seems like a mad reason to discount the smaller school.

Are you in catchment for both, OP, and how long would the car commute be if you chose the more distant one?

SummerHouse · 10/10/2025 17:45

I think the "poor" school has the edge in that it has passionate staff, is closer and transition will be easier as she is familiar with the setting. That said, you don't really know the other school so it could be that the staff are fabulous. Do you know any parents with children there who you could ask?

INX · 10/10/2025 17:41

Yes, I can pay separately for football or ballet or whatever but the logistics of doing that outside of the school seems exhausting to me.

Why exhausting? 😳

Sirzy · 10/10/2025 17:41

caring nurturing staff are very important and would be a deciding factor for me. Are you sure they don’t do any school trips at all though as that would be rather strange.

ninjahamster · 10/10/2025 17:39

Are you in catchment for both?

MonGrainDeSel · 10/10/2025 17:38

The bigger school does sound a bit better. I also think there is value in having a larger school - what seems great for a Reception class child will not necessarily suit a 7 year old and two classes is really not that big.

Having said that, I sent my child to the smaller poorer school in preference to a larger richer one, and it was fine. She did very well and got into highly selective schools at 11 and flew academically. My daughter's school did have extra-curriculars, though, and I think they are really important at that age.

Definitely check catchments.

And think very hard about what the commute will actually mean. If you are going to be in the car for two hours a day, that's a big chunk of time. Do you have other children or are you planning to have any? You need to factor them into the potential commute as well. And it will cost money and what if you get a job that means you can't do the school run? Plus your daughter's friends are unlikely to live close by and that's really important at the primary stage.

YourPeppyAmberTraybake · 10/10/2025 17:29

If it was me I would send my DC to the bigger school, two classes per year is not particularly big but it does sound like there are more clubs etc.

I would look into clubs out of school such as a local Rainbows/Beavers groups etc.

Do look into catchment areas to see if the further away school is even an option.

Locutus2000 · 10/10/2025 17:28

this not a rich vs poor discussion.

It always ends up being a rich and poor discussion though, you must know that posting in AIBU?

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