AIBU to send my little one to a "rich" school?

Using the phrase 'rich school' in the title isn't exactly going to help frame this as 'not a rich Vs poor' discussion.

2 classes per year is not big. Our local state is 4 classes per year.

In a few years, your child will be cycling to school meeting friends after school. It’s so much better and healthier to have those friends within walking distance. If you’re put off by some of the scary stories up thread go to the school at closing time and make a study of the parents see if they’re up to your standards in dress and behaviour.

I’d go for the ‘rich’ school and probably try and move closer to get back the local community feel. Even though PPs are right that the ‘poor’ school will benefit from much more government funding through the pupil premium, if that’s being spent on a TA and resources that your child doesn’t get to access, it’s irrelevant to you.

The cohort and attitude to education of the parents at a school have a bigger influence on the environment than government funding.

I’d try for the bigger school. You may not have a choice anyway, depending on catchments / number of applicant’s

Our DCs go to the big, two classes per year school in the rich area. It's a 25/30 minute walk and we rarely drive even though parking is not a major issue. 7% of pupils on free school meals at this place.

Our next door neighbours sent their four DCs to the smaller quieter school but in a real rough area. It would be about a 15 minute walk but they dare not do it because they have to pass the local secondary comprehensive and it's a cesspit, while the school run traffic is like wacky races.

On educational grounds we're both happy with the choices we made. The education has little to split between them and that's the main thing. But for them - they both work - it just seems to require so much more effort. The small poor school has no breakfast or afterschool clubs, so there's a small army of parents, grandparents and so on scheduled into the logistics and wrap-around. There's no room for any give. Just like OP says, within the school itself there is no money for anything beyond the bare minimum. It has no orchestra, no extra curricular things like cross country or other sports, no trips. They acknowledge Mother's Day but not Father's Day because so many of the fathers are unknown, absent, or in prison.

Whole class birthday parties are hell because some of the kids and many of the parents have no idea how to behave in public and your eyes get assaulted by a sea of fake Gucci. The NDNs are terrified of raising issues like bullying or disruption by other pupils, because they don't like the idea of some tattooed meathead 'visiting' them at home - it happens. But saddest of all, by the time the neighbours DCs reached about Year 2 they had very few friends at school who they saw outside, because they already realised their familes are so far apart in terms of values. The NDNs only have one DC left at primary, but it was the same for all of them. If for whatever reason I thought I might be late for pick up, there are a dozen other parents I could easily call to help (although as I'm a SAHD it's usually the other way around). My neighbours genuinely don't have anyone to ask, and the issue really isn't with them.

Place your child at the one she’s happiest with

My brothers kids went to a tiny school. Around 40 kids in total, I think. Two classes for the entire school. He felt they benefited from learning to get along with everyone ( through necessity as there was no one else to play with)

Normally I would vote for sending kids to private school on these threads, but there's a lot to be said for compassionate teachers who are still passionate about children's education. A school's facilities can be brilliant, but it won't make any difference at all if your child is bullied or too miserable to enjoy or make the most of them. If the small school's teachers are as passionate as you say, they will either provide material to stretch your child academically, or they will make suggestions for work you could do outside of school. As for sports and clubs after school, try it and see how it goes. If it's too much, then stick to informal fun like playing in the park or at home after school and do an organised sport/activity on a Saturday or Sunday.

I would probably do the closer school. The long commute sucks and she's have more classmates close by to play with.

I would go for the smaller “poorer” school. Teachers who care counts for a lot! Also, without the school commute you would have more time/energy for extra curriculars?

We sent my kid to a small mixed catchment school. Larger than average numbers of FSM etc. Not much money for trips. It was a wonderful place. Incredibly nurturing. What it lacked in after school enrichment, it more than made up for in other ways. Caring passionate staff and a decent head are worth their weight in gold.

Are you even in catchment for the bigger school?

You need to go with your feel for the school, have you visited the 'rich' school yourself or going on word of mouth?

Also do they offer these extra curriculars to all year groups as you seem to think this is a big selling point? My kids school do clubs after school but they are restricted to certain ages. So while there is something every night, there may only be one option for year 6. Additionally they don't run any clubs for reception children until the summer term where again there is one option. The club's also only take a certain number, so in a large school there is potential that your child wouldn't always get a place.

You sound a bit judgemental of the smaller school. Maybe you could help set up a PTA to help fund things. These don't happen by magic. Again my kids school didn't have a PTA for a few years as no one volunteered. Someone did they take it on and they have managed to get several parents on board, but even in the rich school there is still the potential of it falling flat if parents become too busy.

The other sticking point for me would be the drive and parking. That's 30 mins every morning and evening! If there are roadworks or any incidents then this could take longer. If I was driving to school then I would be wanting to choose a school where there is a drop off point or car park nearby, rather than still have to walk an additional 15 mins (which in the rain will not be fun).

All the children in primary school get free school meals here, regardless of income (Wales and I believe Scotland too). I’d go the ‘poorer’ one as care is more important in primary and you can do your own extra-curriculars.

One form schools can be wonderful if your child makes good friends, but if the dynamics in the class don’t work, your child will be stuck with the same people for 7 years with no possibility of things being mixed up. I don’t think it’s a huge factor but it’s worth bearing in mind. I also think going to a nearby school can be lovely - walking to school is so much more relaxing than a school run and she will be able to get herself there and back in year 5/6.

I don't think extra curriculars are that important but it depends on your working arrangements. I work from home and finish early 2 days a week so I have my daughter's extra curricular outside school on those days. On other days we still pick her up at school finishing time and she'll do her homework or read quietly for a bit until we finish and we do an activity later.

PP were right to say sometimes the standard of extra curriculars isn't very high and variety may be very limited if they don't bring external providers in.

My daughter's school do piano and drama at school and we much prefer external teachers as the standard is so much higher and not that much more expensive for an individual lesson versus group lessons in school.

We sent our oldest to a small church school in the city as we liked the pastoral feel, but many poor and immigrant kids. My son found it really hard to make friends, sent him to the other school by the end of year one and he fell into a group of four lovely boys all from very similar backgrounds, he’s so much happier now, and they hope to go to secondary together. I’d look for one that attracts families like yours first then if they are similar probably the two form entry.

I wouldn't place so much importance on extra curricular activities provided by the school. The school my children go to have lots of after school clubs but they don't have enough space for everyone and most of them aren't of interest to my children so they don't do them. The only thing that would draw me towards the other school is that it is 2 form so more choice of friends/movement between classes but other than that the smaller school sounds great.

I think people would have to be very affluent to give £100 per month to a primary school. I think I'm quite generous with school fundraisers/attending stuff and we have a much higher than average income, and I doubt I average half of that. People with kids in state schools, even well off ones, do not expect to be giving that kind of cash and would be shocked to be asked.

I'm pretty amazed that any primary school raised funds for a pool and had space to install it. I guess maybe they think it's an income stream with swimming lessons.

I think it depends what you want from your childs school. If you want a good education in the core curriculum and her to be educated in her community, then pick the local school. You don't need resources to stretch bright children - just good teaching. If you're looking for bells and whistles and can spend an hour a day on the school run, go to the other one.

Maybe start out with the state school, the upgrade if needed ?

Your extra curricular argument is a bit odd. If she went to the bigger school she'd spent as much extra time travelling there as she would do travelling to extra curricular.

If you are choosing based on out of school activities I would also check the reality versus what you are told (e.g. there are loads of activities, but not enough spaces so they are only open to children in specific years to do one activity each).

Be aware that your child will get older. Having a school and friends within an area that they can get to themselves is a huge bonus. And if their friends live the wrong side of school you might be travelling 15-20 minutes beyond the school to facilitate playdates.

I would send your child to the smaller school and do extra curricular activities after school or at weekends. It won't be too tiring kids have lots of energy and many do multiple after school/ weekend activities a week.