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Is not giving a child any presents for their birthday a as punishment fair?

163 replies

ambergot · 10/10/2025 13:46

I met a mum friend for a play date in the park after school last night and her dd was quite mean to my son, calling him fat which he is not, stupid and and idiot and swearing at him.
I ended up taking him home and this mum was hugely apologetic.
I was talking to the mum in the school playground this morning and she explained her daughter has been quite challenging lately, she’s in the process of having her assessed for ADHD and odd and as a consequence for the way she was with my son and the fact she refused to apologise she has said she won’t be getting any birthday presents next week.
I thought this was a bit harsh but didn’t want to get involved.
It’s not a punishment I would implement but then I don’t have a child with adhd and odd so I don’t know if she’s being unfair or does that sound reasonable in those circumstances?

OP posts:
Scottishskifun · 10/10/2025 13:57

Nope is unnecessarily cruel.
Punishment needs to be related and at that point in time especially for that age.

MakingPlans2025 · 10/10/2025 13:57

i think she's probably just telling you that because she wants you to think she's taking it seriuosly and she's worried you'll think she's a shit parent.

Jellybunny56 · 10/10/2025 13:57

I wouldn’t do this as a punishment with birthday/Christmas presents personally, if nothing else the fact that it’s next week means a child isn’t going to actually connect the bad behaviour with the punishment anyway so it’s pointless.

TypeyMcTypeface · 10/10/2025 13:56

No, I think that's a really nasty punishment. You don't have many childhood birthdays in your life - your family should make the most of them.

TheNightingalesStarling · 10/10/2025 13:55

Teenager deliberately damages stuff... natural consequence punishment

Small chhild with unregulated SEN... hell no.

Jellycatspyjamas · 10/10/2025 13:54

It’s high unlikely the child SIL make the link between her behaviour and no birthday gifts, so it’s not even effective as a punishment.

ambergot · 10/10/2025 13:54

SJM1988 · 10/10/2025 13:51

I'm all for actions have consequences but no presents on their birthday is a bit harsh. There obviously must have been some lead up to her losing that e.g. she's lost other things for other behaviour before that but its still pretty harsh.

That’s what I thought and as much as it’s none of my business I feel kind of responsible that it was a play date with my son that’s caused this, at the same time I think a natural consequence will be that my son probably won’t play with her again but I don’t want to say this.

OP posts:
Danioyellow · 10/10/2025 13:54

Did she actually mean it though? I can imagine people saying that but not doing it

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 10/10/2025 13:53

I wouldn't punish any child in that way, but least of all a child who might be struggling to regulate their behaviour because of an underlying issue.

I hope that someone offers that mother some parenting advice. She needs it.

GarlicBreadStan · 10/10/2025 13:51

I have a son who is awaiting an autism diagnosis, and I also strongly believe he has ODD and PDA profiles alongside autism.

I would never, ever in my wildest dreams withdraw birthday or Christmas presents as a form of punishment. General toys that I'd buy as a treat? Definitely. But not birthday or Christmas presents. I think it's unnecessary and cruel.

SJM1988 · 10/10/2025 13:51

I'm all for actions have consequences but no presents on their birthday is a bit harsh. There obviously must have been some lead up to her losing that e.g. she's lost other things for other behaviour before that but its still pretty harsh.

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 10/10/2025 13:48

They've got to learn. Saves a load of money too, hopefully they'll do something naughty again just before Christmas....

BuffaloCauliflower · 10/10/2025 13:47

Genuinely awful and inappropriate

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