Is not giving a child any presents for their birthday a as punishment fair?

This is exactly what I thought.

She’s 6?! Wow. I mean, this is cruel and awful anyway, but for a 6year old?! And one with suspected additional needs as well?

I think I’d be inclined to try and speak to the mother again and let her know you don’t think the punishment is necessary, or I might even potentially mention it to the class teacher, so maybe mum can get more support/education on more effective strategies.

It will be so confusing for the child, really upsetting.

Jeez that’s harsh. There’s no correlation between punishment and action, even if it’s an empty threat. Add in that it’s a week later and this little girl is just going to be confused, upset and feel unloved on her birthday

I think punishments depends on the age of the child so this is quite important (eg would expect an older child to have more pf an appreciation of how their words can hurt)

But in my view that's an absolutely over the top punishment and isn't going to help with the behaviour at all. Particularly with a child who is likely to have ADHD which will lead to poor impulse control - she may be punishing them for having a disability. Which is awful.

Punishments should be proportionate, explained in advance, and immediate or closely after the event for young kids. This does not sound like any of those things. Surely she'd be better working at strategies of how to cope with frustration etc

I am guessing she is at the end of her tether and very embarrassed and is trying to show you that she doesn't accept this behavior and is taking it seriously. So I would say something along the lines of you understand that ita tough but your child is ok so please don't think she has to punish on account of effect on your child type thing (someone else can probably word it better)

No birthday presents is definitely too harsh.
Realistically though, the Mum is probably lying and saying it so you know she’s taking action.

I can’t imagine many people actually not giving birthday presents to their kids.

I don't think I would want to buy this much coal for a years worth of naughtiness for my kids 😂

Sounds very harsh to me. Not a punishment that I would inflict on a young child.

An idea I like is that everytime you’re very naughty Santa exchanges one of your presents for a lump of Coal. So this mum could still give some presents and one lump of coal to show that something is missing - they’ll care and wonder what, but still have a decent Xmas

The people who do this sort of thing parent in a way that lead their children to act this way in the first place.

Poor kid. Assuming she's quite young still.

A punishment a week away is pointless imo and it also models spitefulness and grudge holding.

Where is her motivation to change her behaviour or apologise over the next week?

I think the punishment should be directly related to the crime. Perhaps missing the next trip to the park would be more appropriate.

I haven't done anything like this but we don't know the full story of how it got to this point. Maybe they have overindulged the child and she is a complete brat because she gets everything she wants. Maybe she has been doing more and more serious things.
There has to be consequences to actions. Maybe this is the final straw in escalating behaviour.

No it's awful. Vindictive and punitive. That kind of punishment will only breed resentment, it won't correct behaviour.

Yes, it’s a bit much. There are many other consequences she could put in place instead of that.

just Because an incident takes place near a celebration, doesn’t mean that celebration should be in play for use as punishment. If you wouldn’t take away a birthday 11 months from now, you shouldn’t take away a birthday this week. I really can’t think of an infraction worthy of a punishment that can’t be paused for a birthday or Christmas.

I knew a child who didn't get any Christmas presents one year for being mean to her brother.

What is the mum thinking? What an awful way to treat a child. She is going to escalate bad behaviour by using totally inappropriate punishments.

If she's planning to tell her DC on the day that they are not getting presents because of how they treated your DC, I would be worried her DC will blame yours for the lack of presents.

It's awful and excessive

I know if a kid who had his head shaved as a punishment for whacking another kid with a cricket bat.

A young child won’t understand the link between behaviour and lack of presents - punishments need to be in the moment not a week later. And if she has ADHD then she is punishing her for having a disability.

It depends how terrible she has been. You may not have even seen the half of it. That said if she does have a special need then maybe they have not dealt with it appropriately and as such her behaviour has escalated. It is a tough one but to be honest not your house not your children. The only caveat to this is obviously abuse which I don't think this is. These are consequences.

That child will not associate loss of presents in a week's time with having been mean yesterday. She will just feel hurt and upset and have no understanding of why she is being punished. There does need to be a consequence but it would have had more impact if she had taken the girl home and not allowed her the fun on the day.

It’s difficult to really take an outside position. It does sound fairly cruel objectively: but she’s probably at her wits’ end with her DD’s atrocious behaviour, has tried all kinds of behavioural management techniques, reward systems, sanctions, and is now at the stage of desperately wanting anything which might work. And probably also a bit to make her DD understand how hurtful her behaviour is, and what it feels like to have somebody do something very hurtful towards her. I suspect she’ll also rethink things before the birthday, because she loves her DD, and not go through with it.