To think that as you age you become more introverted and selfish ?

This post has amused me - I love it

I havent had the joy of going through the menopause yet but my DM definately became more selfish. It was difficult because her menopause clashed with our mid to late teens and she was less emotionally available when we needed her. It was like someone had flicked a switch. She then moved away as soon as she was able to. She was very little help when we had babies and young children. Now she is older and is approaching needing care she has moved near us and is creeping back up to us again.

I hope I become less of a people pleaser but I really don't want to check out on my DCs.

I'm less of a people pleaser, not tying myself in knots trying to keep other people happy, and not worrying about it if I haven't.

But I have more time and patience to go out of my way to speak to random people at bus stops or help someone with a heavy load of shopping. To say something nice to people serving in shops or restaurants.

I tolerate less shit, but I think I'm much kinder.

Reframe “selfish” as “finally having a chance to consider my own needs” and yes, completely agree.

Zero apologies for loving it.

Selfish? I’m not sure about that one, I think my friends that were selfish in youth still are, I don’t notice my more aware friends becoming selfish.

I turned down a prize giving night for DH's hobby this weekend. Never done that before. I said to him 'Do you mind if I don't? I have had 25 years of spending evenings listening to people wang on about [hobby] and I want to stay home this weekend. Can you take [insert friend of his] instead?'

He just said 'fair enough'. Friend was pleased to be asked. Dcs and I plan for pizza and netflix. DH will love chatting away with his mates.

I feel really proud of myself tbh. I have put my foot down on other more wide reaching things and major things but this was one of the first times I am truly pleasing myself just because.

I definitely please myself more, and am not too concerned about whether others like it.
No problems turning down invites, favour requests, plans and ideas if they aren't what I want.

Definitely applies to me.

Loss of oestrogen equals zero fucks given.

Since I turned 40, I definitely dont care what people think and put up with less crap. And no, i was never a people pleaser or a doormat, like some on this thread have said. Caring about others and wanting to be liked, doesnt make you a doormat. I still had boundaries.

I think age and experience have alot to do with it. I've gone through certain situations that have made me realise that I will always be OK by myself. I dont need anyone, and that is empowering.

I've always been introverted but im fine with it now. When I was younger I used to force myself to go to parties and on nights out because of fomo and a feeling that I should be partying as this is what all 20 somethings do. Now I don't go anywhere unless I really want to.

Another thing is that once you get past your official retirement age you can look back with satisfaction and know that you contributed and "did your bit." So its now time for younger and fitter people to get up off their asses and do likewise. When I head younger generations saying how boomers (how I hate that espression) have stitched them up I am tempted to remind them that they have not yet put their share into the community. So in 20-30 years they will be the older people being moaned about.

Yes, absolutely. Not sure I'd call it selfish, more that you're less inclined to tolerate crap from others, and more unwilling to put up with things you might have done earlier.

I'm not sure if it's menopause, age, losing both of parents a few months apart within the last 2 years or my divorce, but I'm much more out going and sociable, I have more confidence than ever and I enjoy going out and doing new things. I also couldn't care less what people think about me, with the exception of my children and boyfriend - and they're all fully supportive of me.

I know I don't want to spend time with people who moan constantly and can't see the joy in life. It's too short!

I suppose I no longer have as much energy.
so now I choose to spend time with people where there is reciprocity and I feel better for seeing them.
I think too many people are like dementors - they suck the life and happiness from you and expect to monologue constantly about themselves.
I noticed who was there for me when things got tough as well.

I don't agree that's it's selfish to put you're own needs first at all. Being selfish is only caring about your own needs and I do still care about others to!

Yes, I've learned to say no, to not be a people pleaser, to smile politely but not engage when some cf is asking me a favour in a roundabout way.

Yes, although in my case it's more about having been heavily let down by people, including my husband leaving me and some truly shocking behaviour from friends and family members during the long caregiving of my late parents' terminal illnesses. Plus WFH doesn't help. I have become very comfortable with my own company and put myself first now. Am 51 and just about post-menopausal. I guess I've become more selfish in that I feel I've given enough of myself now and for a long time ahead, and I'm less interested in other people than I've ever been. When your life teaches you how many people have feet of clay, you don't look to others for much anymore.

Much of the reason I don't want to marry again is because I have no intention of taking on someone else's circus at my age. You do marry the family, despite what everyone says, and I don't want all the problems and hassle. Also don't want to be chased for regular sex. I do like sex, but I want it on my terms when I want it, and I want my bed to myself.

I guess this is selfish.

Not so much introverted, just no longer care what people think of me. I’ve become more assertive and don’t put up with others shit.

To think that as you age you become more introverted and selfish ?

Agree, although I would describe it as less willing to take people's bullshit rather than being selfish.

Yes I agree. I’m sick of other people

More confident and assertive, not afraid to say "NO" anymore. Yes, that's me now.

Yes, but I'm well past the menopause as 68. I'm not sure about "more introverted" although I no longer like dragging my arse out to things on cold winter nights. But I definitely prioritise me now whereas I used to worry myself stupid about not doing favours for people or declining social occasions and the like. My epiphany came when my DH died 10 years ago, and it was ratified by the lockdowns. I suddenly saw the world in a whole new light and haven't looked back.

I'm surprised you have any friends tbf.

I think as you get older OP everything seems like a lot more effort than it did when you were young. You realise how complex people are and how difficult they can be once you get past the superficial - and they can easily just seem like a lot of work one way or another. You no longer feel you have to do things you did when you were young to fit in, you have work and your own family to concentrate on and worry about - and I for one often don't feel I have much head space left beyond that.

Their other sil isn't keen either so they're the common denominator

I don’t think I’ve become more introverted, but I have stopped tolerating difficult people and people I don’t like. I used to be very good at spending time with people who I could not stand (eg certain family members) with a smile just because it was polite. Now I don’t waste my time on them. I haven’t seen them since the pandemic and never plan on seeing them again if I can help it! The pandemic made me realise how much better life was without certain people in it. So for me it’s nothing to do with age, just the pandemic lockdowns giving me a wake up call about how I spent my time when it was over.

With me, I’ve just realised that time is precious and I won’t waste it. This extends to work, friends and all areas of my life. I’m just not going to force myself to do things that don’t bring me joy anymore.

As someone said above, I used to volunteer a lot of hours for a small charity but the trustees were unpleasant at times and made life difficult. It was the fund raising that kept me going at the time and thinking of the bigger picture but I had a fuck it (them) moment and resigned. I received many messages asking me to return but have politely declined. There’s just no way now I would donate so much of my time, when it gave back very little.

Same with unpleasant friends. I used to think I had to maintain the relationship at all costs. Now I realise I dreaded seeing them and most interactions with them left me feeling like shit. I just decline invitations to meet now. I was worried I would feel lonely or regretful but I don’t. I feel free. I spend my time with people whose company I enjoy.

At work I used to do extra hours, be flexible and do things outside my role. If I wanted time off to attend reading morning or the like I was essentially forced to beg and grovel for it. It grated on me. Now I do the bare minimum and swan in and out like I own the place. I’m much happier!

Some may see it as selfish but as I’ve got older I’ve realised it’s a case of self preservation and self care.