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Original poster

Friend wants me to pay

331 replies

wineosaurusrex · 10/10/2025 00:06

Friend moved away from our city and left a couple of suitcases of clothes at my house as she had too much to carry on the plane. It was an international move. I agreed to post later.

Now she's settled she wants me to post her the bags. I said okay and got some quotes (using contacts she sent me) to send the bags. I let her know and asked her to send the money over.

She's got extremely angry and upset claiming that I should pay. She offered me less than half of the money as that's all she has available in her bank account of the country where i live, but is not offering to wire any money over.

She's claiming i repeatedly promised i would pay (which i never, ever said - i was mortified when i found out she thought i was paying!). She has said really unkind things like "You're not keeping my stuff!" implying that i'm trying to steal it, and called me disorganized and forgetful for not having posted it (when the real reason is that I just need the money in advance!). She became very angry when i said im sorry for any misunderstanding but i would never offer to pay, and told me i was calling her a liar. I had to temporarily block her as this all happened before 7:00 a.m and I was late for work because she wouldn't stop going on at me! I suffer from anxiety and it was horrendous to wake up and have to deal with this before work. I felt shaky and unwell all morning.

For reference its over £200 to send, she offered me around £60. I am a single mum of two living and working alone abroad whereas she is single, has no kids and lives rent-free in her family home. I am shocked that she not only thought i'd pay but became so aggressive when I said i couldn't afford to!

I have said i'll send it to another friend so they can send it to her but other friend is abroad at the moment and also feels that she should send the money so i'm not sure they will actually accept the bags when they return!

What would you do?

OP posts:
Dreamerinme · 10/10/2025 16:55

Does she have local family that you can drop the stuff off to? If not I’d be telling her to arrange a courier, at her expense and collection at your convenience, to collect the stuff by 31 October or it all goes to a charity shop.

And ask her why on earth someone would volunteer to pay to ship someone else’s belongings to another country?! Just why??

After that I’d block her as she’s clearly shown you her nasty side.

blondiepigtails · 10/10/2025 16:50

DO NOT pay to send her bags. Make her organise and pay for it. A friend of mine left 2 boxes abroad when she moved back to the UK. When she needed her stuff - she was the one who got the quotes, paid for the courier and organised the pick up etc. Friend did not expect the other person to do anything except be at home on pick up day.

Summertimesadnessishere · 10/10/2025 16:44

I think you know the answer here.

This person is entitled. This person is not a friend. They are certainly not a decent human. Even if there had been a misunderstanding a decent person would not expect a friend ( especially a single mum) to stump up £200 to send clothes that are their responsibility not yours) over seas. These items are HER responsibility and she should have checked luggage allowances before she went so didn’t have to leave stuff at yours in the first place. Not even sure how that came to be? But all sounds like a pretty immature and entitled person. I hope you can see this. I hope you are not sat there thinking deep down perhaps you have misled her. Because no one should expect that. So, give her a reasonable deadline and then a consequence if money not forthcoming. It’s right hassle as it stands having to store then post this stuff so you are already more than doing her a favour. If she does pay up, I will still take a step back from this person as they are plain nasty and bring nothing of value into your life. Find better friends. You are worth more.

CunningLinguist2 · 10/10/2025 16:32

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 10/10/2025 00:09

I'd give her a definite time frame for sending you the money and if she doesn't send it, just give the clothes to a charity shop.

Yup. This!!!

ShesNeverSeenAShadeOfGray · 10/10/2025 16:19

DelphiniumBlue · 10/10/2025 00:17

I would text her a brief message saying that if she wants you to post her stuff she'll have to send you the money first as you don't have the funds to sub her-give your bank details for clarity and to save you having to make any further replies. You could add that given the way she has spoken to you, you don't feel inclined to do her any favours, that storing her things is a big inconvenience and you'll be disposing of it all in 7 days if you haven't received money to pay for the postage.

100% This

AgreeToDisagreeSometimes · 10/10/2025 16:15

You agreed to post was probably misinterpreted as you’d pay??
It’s her mistake for assuming you’d pay when you agreed to post at a later date.

i would just say “yes I agreed to post but sorry you assumed that meant I would pay for postage. I’ll happily make time to post once you’ve sent me the postage money ”

good riddance she’s left the country !

crinkletits · 10/10/2025 16:05

FullOfLemons · 10/10/2025 00:53

I would ask her to arrange a courier to collect from either your property or the other friend

It puts the onus on the CF to arrange and pay

You have done enough.

This

ilovesushi · 10/10/2025 15:58

So cheeky and so entitled of your friend. I would clarify (again) you said you would post her stuff but never offered to pay. You are now really put out that she has dumped her belongings on you. What does she want to do? Pay for them to be shipped or should you give them to charity as you can't store them at your home.

MyOliveStork · 10/10/2025 15:49

Give her a deadline. Tell her that due to her attitude she can arrange a courier to collect them as you have done enough in storing them for her. Her attitude towards you sucks and you need to let her so.

Therealjudgejudy · 10/10/2025 15:42

The brass necklace and entitlement of her...

Namechange29383929383 · 10/10/2025 15:39

On what planet does she think her mate, who has kindly looked after her stuff, would want to pay hundreds of pounds to send it to her when she left it behind in the first place?

She either sucks it up and pays the £200, or decides she can’t justify the cost and instead bungs you 20 quid to take it to a charity shop instead as a thank you.

TheLemonLemur · 10/10/2025 15:36

I'd be quite direct - this is your stuff I already did you a favour letting you store your belongings here for free. If you wish me to post please send the amount requested. If not let me know what you would like to do if you offer no alternative by the end of October I will take everything to the charity shop.

ccridersuz · 10/10/2025 15:30

Tell her to have family collect it and they can send it over.
Or tell her to come and collect it herself, you will put it in left luggage at the airport under her name.

Anyahyacinth · 10/10/2025 15:28

I wonder if she heard “I’ll post them/ send them” as PAY to post them? It doesn’t matter though because it’s highly unreasonable and you were very kind to give your time to send them to her. She’s awful

Fabulously · 10/10/2025 15:25

Honestly I’d send her a cold, legally minded email with the view of ending the friendship.

Deny ever saying you would pay to ship her belongings overseas, say you are shocked at the accusation and you were merely doing her a favour as she couldn’t afford to take them when she first moved abroad. You have essentially been storing her belongings at no cost, as a favour. But now she is lying, all goodwill has ended.

Say she has 30 days to make arrangements to collect, whether she physically collects them or asks someone else. In those 30 days, you need to make sure the goods aren’t susceptible to theft and damage. Following the 30 days, I don’t believe you can immediately throw things away but seek legal advice.

willstarttomorrow · 10/10/2025 15:16

Do not give this heads pace OP. Message her, 'why in hell would you have agreed to subsidise your move? This was definitely not agreed'. She is a chancer and I suspect the friendship is already over.

As other's have said, give her a timeline to arrange a courier and have it collected or someone who who is happy to continue storing it can come and collect it. Do not put yourself out, she is taking the piss. If you can, do this via email so you have an email chain, and also best to keep her blocked via messages. Then it is down to her, and please follow through and donate if she does not stick to thr terms. You have done her a favour. Realistically paying for extra luggage would probably have been cheaper or she could have sent it ahead via crate by sea which does not cost much in the scheme of things. I think she was expecting you would just continue to store it for her indefinitely...

Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/10/2025 15:04

Is there any chance OP's offer to hold the suitcases and send them when the friend was settled was interpreted as OP would pay? Is there a language barrier?

ChocolatesAndRainbows · 10/10/2025 15:02

Cheeky cow, do not pay her a penny!!!

mindutopia · 10/10/2025 15:01

She is absolutely bonkers. I’d tell her she needs to send someone to collect them and she has 14 days, 30 days, you choose a number of days or they are going in the bin or to a charity shop. I wouldn’t be sending them to anyone. Other friend needs to come collect unless £60 will cover the cost of shipping them to friend #2. Then block because she’s a complete nut job.

Clarabell77 · 10/10/2025 15:00

Does she have any family you can dump it to and then block her completely? Sounds like a crackpot!

If not it would be one final message giving her a deadline for the money to be sent to post the stuff off or it’s being taken to charity shop/dump/wherever is appropriate. Then block. If no money received by the date then follow up and move on.

iwantavuvezela · 10/10/2025 14:49

OP not sure where you are posting to but you can send it via a crate (sea) which is substantially cheaper. (You pay form size of crate, not bag and it takes about 3 months) Not sure if you should be doing the leg work but I would get your friend to start googling some more affordable options and make sure you're paid to do it.

Calliopespa · 10/10/2025 14:27

WaltzingWaters · 10/10/2025 12:14

I wouldn’t store massive suitcases for however long it takes her to return again when she’s been such a bitch. (I may do if I had space had she not been an utter CF). Nor would I ever want to see her again when she does return!

A clear message that she has a deadline to arrange her courier and after that it will be disposed of is fine. She really doesn’t deserve any more than that after how she has behaved. But keep the message as proof that you’ve given her this warning and given her ample time (from whenever she left until 2-3 weeks time) to sort her stuff out.

Show quote history

Yes, I actually like a pp's idea of taking it to the police: lost property.

Whammyyammy · 10/10/2025 14:27

I'd give her 2 options;

  1. She pays upfront
  2. You drop them at a clothes bank
TheBerry · 10/10/2025 14:06

Wow she sounds rubbish.

Pls let us know if the other friend gives her an earful!