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Original poster

Friend wants me to pay

331 replies

wineosaurusrex · 10/10/2025 00:06

Friend moved away from our city and left a couple of suitcases of clothes at my house as she had too much to carry on the plane. It was an international move. I agreed to post later.

Now she's settled she wants me to post her the bags. I said okay and got some quotes (using contacts she sent me) to send the bags. I let her know and asked her to send the money over.

She's got extremely angry and upset claiming that I should pay. She offered me less than half of the money as that's all she has available in her bank account of the country where i live, but is not offering to wire any money over.

She's claiming i repeatedly promised i would pay (which i never, ever said - i was mortified when i found out she thought i was paying!). She has said really unkind things like "You're not keeping my stuff!" implying that i'm trying to steal it, and called me disorganized and forgetful for not having posted it (when the real reason is that I just need the money in advance!). She became very angry when i said im sorry for any misunderstanding but i would never offer to pay, and told me i was calling her a liar. I had to temporarily block her as this all happened before 7:00 a.m and I was late for work because she wouldn't stop going on at me! I suffer from anxiety and it was horrendous to wake up and have to deal with this before work. I felt shaky and unwell all morning.

For reference its over £200 to send, she offered me around £60. I am a single mum of two living and working alone abroad whereas she is single, has no kids and lives rent-free in her family home. I am shocked that she not only thought i'd pay but became so aggressive when I said i couldn't afford to!

I have said i'll send it to another friend so they can send it to her but other friend is abroad at the moment and also feels that she should send the money so i'm not sure they will actually accept the bags when they return!

What would you do?

OP posts:
Fireflybaby · 12/10/2025 16:08

At this point, giving the way she is treating you, i wouldn't even bother with package and posting, just tell her that she has access to Internet and she can arrange for a courier to pick up within max 2 weeks. If no one shows at the door to pick them up in these 2 weeks, they go to charity.

LoyalMember · 11/10/2025 20:21

That's an absolutely preposterous thing to expect a friend to pay for. Tell her to f#ck off and do one. Dump her stuff in the local tip and block her everywhere. Then move on with your life and forget her.

Valeriekat · 11/10/2025 19:54

She's nuts. Why on earth would you pay to send her stuff to her. Packing someone else's stuff up and filling all the customs forms is enough of a hassle.

Summertimesadnessishere · 11/10/2025 14:08

wineosaurusrex · 11/10/2025 06:14

Yeah, her anger at first really intimidated me but after thinking about it, it is suspicious. Because if it was me, and there had been a genuine misunderstanding, I'd have been mortified (if i were her) that I'd wrongly assumed someone had volunteered to pay for my stuff! And would have bern really like "No problem at all, storing it and arranging courier for me was already a big help!"

In fact, even if a friend had said they'd pay to send my bags, but later said they couldn't afford it, i still wouldnt have been angry! Because it was a nice thought but of course understandable if it turns out its not possible in the end as its a lot of money.

Her rage has made me think she was just trying to intimidate me, as posters said.

Show quote history

Exactly this. If I was in her shoes I wouldn’t be shouting and raging blaming and accusing a friend who is doing me a favour and storing my stuff. This isn’t a you problem. It’s a her problem. She is behaving like a toddler having a tantrum. She isn’t dealing with you respectfully. You deserve respect. You are worth being spoken to respectfully. You do not have to deal with someone who is attacking you verbally regardless if musunderinf. She doesn’t know how to behave like a reasonable adult. She doesn’t know how to problem solve. Now she won’t get what she demands as yes- she has lost your goodwill. And rightly so. By setting this boundary and standing up for yourself not to be walked over you will hopefully be teaching her a lesson so she starts to realise this behaviour doesn’t get her results and she tries a different approach with the next poor person to fall in her path. You deserve better than this. I hope you will know from now on that you never have to tolerate that from anyone. That’s not friendship and it’s not being an adult.

cgwdwnmi · 11/10/2025 08:33

Why are you going to send the suitcases to the mutual friend? That is still going to cost bit of money and is just going to dump the problem on the mutual friend who will then have to deal with it and the "friend" whose suitcases they are could still cause you problems.

The only way to deal with it is give "friend" a deadline to transfer the money or arrange for a courier or other friend to collect and if that isn't done by the specified date you dispose of them.

Original poster
wineosaurusrex · 11/10/2025 06:18

Agapornis · 10/10/2025 20:23

Is that a typo - did you send YOUR certificates to her in the post, or HERS? Surely she's not using your qualifications to impersonate you on top of it all..?

No sorry, I worded this badly.

We were both working abroad (I am still here). I needed my qualification certificates for my work visa a while back, and my dad sent them to me from the UK using the same service that my friend planned to use to send the bags.

Just the papers alone had cost almost £50, so I knew that to send two heavy suitcases would have been very expensive!

OP posts:
Original poster
wineosaurusrex · 11/10/2025 06:14

HelenaWaiting · 11/10/2025 05:25

She's lying. Her insistence that you'd "repeatedly" said you would pay: her unjustified anger - that's not a misunderstanding, that's trying it on. She's attempting to bully you into paying.

Show quote history

Yeah, her anger at first really intimidated me but after thinking about it, it is suspicious. Because if it was me, and there had been a genuine misunderstanding, I'd have been mortified (if i were her) that I'd wrongly assumed someone had volunteered to pay for my stuff! And would have bern really like "No problem at all, storing it and arranging courier for me was already a big help!"

In fact, even if a friend had said they'd pay to send my bags, but later said they couldn't afford it, i still wouldnt have been angry! Because it was a nice thought but of course understandable if it turns out its not possible in the end as its a lot of money.

Her rage has made me think she was just trying to intimidate me, as posters said.

OP posts:
HelenaWaiting · 11/10/2025 05:25

wineosaurusrex · 10/10/2025 20:17

Wow, thank you everyone! Appreciate all the replies as she had genuinely made me doubt myself because she was so furious.

I really had no idea she thought i'd pay (and had mentioned to her that i'd been worried it would be very expensive as i had sent my qualification certificates from the UK and the papers alone - 4 sheets of paper certificates - had cost almost £50 to send!). I was worried it would cost too much (for her!) but am now wondering if she misunderstood this as concern for myself because she thought i would pay? Maybe this is why she thought i was accepting responsibility for payment? Thats literally all i can think of that might have caused any confusion though. At no point did i mention paying and it was never otherwise discussed!

I repeatedly apologised for the misunderstanding despite being fairly sure there hadnt been one - she had obviously assumed from the start that i would pay. And she was so aggressive in response.

If she had been nicer about it (admitted a misunderstanding and been civilised about it) then i'd feel more inclined to help her find a solution. But her accusations ("You're not keeping my shit!" "Are you calling me a liar?") have made me so angry and after reading your replies, i feel much better about the whole thing.

I will keep her blocked and send to mutual friend when they return home.

Thank you everyone for your anger! It has made me find mine and now i am furious rather than anxious. Not a chance will i be paying from my own pocket.

She's lying. Her insistence that you'd "repeatedly" said you would pay: her unjustified anger - that's not a misunderstanding, that's trying it on. She's attempting to bully you into paying.

Fiftyandme · 10/10/2025 21:18

OP if you get chance to I’m fairly sure there will be a few of us here for the drama when you say ‘no’

Pudmyboy · 10/10/2025 21:15

If she wants you to pay, remind her that she owes you storage fees of £100+ over what the transport costs are (remember to include a payment for your time and effort) and you will post out her stuff once you have received that money.

ImSoPeopledOut · 10/10/2025 20:45

I will keep her blocked and send to mutual friend when they return home.

Well make sure your mutual friend checks the cases with you there so you can prove you didnt take anything! As CF will 100% accuse you of stealing

Createausername1970 · 10/10/2025 20:29

ChickpeaCauliflowerSalad · 10/10/2025 00:56

I'd now tell her that she has lost all good will & she can arrange collection from my house (at a time that suits me) or they can stay exactly where they are until I can arrange for a charity to collect them.

💯 this.

You have stored them free of charge.
You have done the leg work to get quotes.
You will have to package them adequately.
You will have to lug it to the post office.

She has been rude and unbelievably unreasonable.

All goodwill gone.

Let her deal with it now.

Agapornis · 10/10/2025 20:23

Is that a typo - did you send YOUR certificates to her in the post, or HERS? Surely she's not using your qualifications to impersonate you on top of it all..?

Original poster
wineosaurusrex · 10/10/2025 20:17

Wow, thank you everyone! Appreciate all the replies as she had genuinely made me doubt myself because she was so furious.

I really had no idea she thought i'd pay (and had mentioned to her that i'd been worried it would be very expensive as i had sent my qualification certificates from the UK and the papers alone - 4 sheets of paper certificates - had cost almost £50 to send!). I was worried it would cost too much (for her!) but am now wondering if she misunderstood this as concern for myself because she thought i would pay? Maybe this is why she thought i was accepting responsibility for payment? Thats literally all i can think of that might have caused any confusion though. At no point did i mention paying and it was never otherwise discussed!

I repeatedly apologised for the misunderstanding despite being fairly sure there hadnt been one - she had obviously assumed from the start that i would pay. And she was so aggressive in response.

If she had been nicer about it (admitted a misunderstanding and been civilised about it) then i'd feel more inclined to help her find a solution. But her accusations ("You're not keeping my shit!" "Are you calling me a liar?") have made me so angry and after reading your replies, i feel much better about the whole thing.

I will keep her blocked and send to mutual friend when they return home.

Thank you everyone for your anger! It has made me find mine and now i am furious rather than anxious. Not a chance will i be paying from my own pocket.

OP posts:
Pinkiefive · 10/10/2025 19:45

I'd tell her she's got 24 hours to bank transfer the £200.

If not, you're leaving her suitcases outside of your house for her to arrange someone to collect.

Tell her that after that 24 hours is up, you're not responsible for those suitcases so if they are outside and someone walks off with them, then that's on her for not paying and not arranging collection quickly enough.

Or say to her, "sure, I'll pay to return them but only once you've sent me the £600 storage costs. Remember? You promised to pay for storage!" 😂

She's no friend.

autienotnaughty · 10/10/2025 19:07

Tell her she’s has 48hours to arrange some one to collect it before you bin the lot. Then block her completely.

StrikeForever · 10/10/2025 18:41

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 10/10/2025 00:09

I'd give her a definite time frame for sending you the money and if she doesn't send it, just give the clothes to a charity shop.

This ☝️ And when you tell her this, ask her why she thinks it’s reasonable for someone else to pay to transport her belongings. Cheeky fucker!

SweetDreamsAreMadeOfThese · 10/10/2025 18:33

Your friend is taking advantage! Why would she think it is your responsibility to post her back her own items?! Honestly you should charge storage costs as well!

Roselily123 · 10/10/2025 18:26

The op has left the building - all made up.

DancyNancy · 10/10/2025 17:52

I'd tell her to f**k off.

Then I'd tell her she has 1 week to have her stuff removed from my house or it's going on the road side, and block her permanently.

suburburban · 10/10/2025 17:41

Don’t send them. Is there anyone in her family here you can drop the bags off to and let them deal with it?

what a cheek she has

rainingsnoring · 10/10/2025 17:33

Your friend is an incredible CF. Unbelievably so. I'm amazed that even 1% voted that YABU on this poll.
You have already been very kind in storing her bags and getting quotes for her. To expect someone to pay your expenses, let alone someone in a much worse financial position, is shockingly selfish and entitled.

allmymonkeys · 10/10/2025 17:33

You're not stealing her stuff. Actually she can think herself lucky you're not charging her for storage. And on what possible grounds would anybody volunteer to pay for international delivery for somebody else's luggage?

Send her a polite message saying that when she has booked collection you will ensure that her items are available for the courier to pick up. All of the reputable companies will have international services and she can pay in her country of residence. Stand firm!

And, by the way, don't touch those bags yourself and don't let them go without a photo and a receipt. Your friend sounds like the sort of person who'd love a chance to accuse you of losing or damaging them.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 10/10/2025 17:30

Whatever you do, just don't use a credit card. If you do and any additional charges end up needing to be added, it will be your card they charge. You'd never get it back.

Personally, I'd tell her she needs to hire a service to pick it up, package it, ship it and all on her credit card. Even her sending you money may not protect you enough.

I admit, I am flabbergasted that she even asked you to pay for it. She's in the running for "CF of the 2025".

CinnamonBuns67 · 10/10/2025 16:59

No yanbu. Her move, her things, her responsibility to make sure to make sure she organised something and to pay for it. I'd tell her that friendship is over and if she didn't organise and pay for it to be collected within 30 days you'd be taking them to charity shop to donate.