AIBU protecting my time rigidly like this?

It’s fine to see friends when you want to and not to see them when you don’t want to.
Perhaps seeing these particular friends less often would make you more enthusiastic to see them when something is being arranged?
Before my child came along I used to do evening stuff but I haven’t really since she was born 6 years ago. We’re up early in the morning and usually in PJs once our school / work day is done - and currently that’s how I like it. Precious peace and relaxation time to myself once she’s in bed.
That being said I also don’t have a group of friends like this wanting evening get togethers , so as others have said, if you stick so rigidly to it they will eventually stop asking.

Sleep is an absolutely basic need though and for OP to do her job well and manage her busy family life she has said she needs it. calm restorative evenings.
There’s lots of people struggling with poor physical and mental health. I admire OP - she is finding a sustainable way to thrive and so she will be less vulnerable to infections and stress.
She states she has weekend meetups with friends too so I’m sure there will still be friends left in retirement not as PP says that she’ll lose them all.😳
Good luck holding your boundaries OP.

YANBU, but just be warned that they may arrange all their get together on week days if they feel spurned by you.

I’m confident the issue you’re hitting is that you’ve got some friends who run their lives the other way around.

So weekends are for home / chill / immediate family / partner time. And week nights are for other stuff.

At which point, you’re saying your unconstrained preferences trump theirs.

You get to choose that you prefer weekend stuff. They get to choose to prefer weeknights.

Neither of you is right or wrong, but without some flexibility you all miss out. And with you refusing to ever compromise, you’re the one who’s being selfish and demanding and prioritising yourself over others consistently. That behaviour doesn’t maintain friendships.

Which you might be ok with. But at the moment it sounds like you’re showing up as expecting everyone else to pander to your whim. Probably Dont intend to, but that will be how it’s landing.

You're entitled to set any 'boundary' you like, and do whatever you like in life.

But you've asked us - and yeah, I think you're being unreasonable.

I think you sound very selfish and 'my way or the highway' - you're limiting your friends schedule to see you to 2 evening options a week (presumably you won't do anything on a Sunday evening either because you are in work the next morning). Every week. All the time. Has it crossed your mind that they may have really full weekends and cannot always neglect these for you?

Friendship is about give and take. You'll sleep a long time when you're dead. And that's coming from someone with M.E.

I totally understand the desire to protect time and I can can relate to feeling too tired to do anything in the week.

But I think its a bit precious to insist that you will never do a weekday evening as a matter of principle and after a while I think you will create resentment. Friendship involves give and take and flexibility and if you are this rigid you are basically forcing others to work only to your timetable which is quite selfish.

I used to have a friend who was very dogmatic about always having to leave things really early because she said she needed to “protect her sleep”. It meant in practice I could never see her as I couldn’t ever leave early enough to guarantee she would get home by 9pm. I ended up feeling really resentful: why did her “needs” have to trump mine every time?

Friendship is a long term investment. You shouldn’t be constantly having to compromise yourself but you also should not be expecting others to always bend to your rules.

A lot of people have plans at weekends though. Why is the OP's time more important than there's? It's fine to do what she does but she'll lose friends. Her choice though.

Sounds like you need new friends. I have a very emotionally draining and demanding job so my work-night evenings are mine. Funnily enough all my friends are grown up enough to accept and respect this, and are happy to just do day-off stuff with me (even if that means we see eachother less frequently).

If you lose friends because your friends are incapable of accepting your totally normal, reasonable desire to have time to yourself, they weren't friends worth having to begin with.

Not wanting to see people from Monday to Thursday is hardly not wanting to see them though. Or stringing them along.

The OP is happy to see them and does at the weekend - she mentioned saying ‘go ahead go well see each other the following Saturday’

Theres little wrong about not being available during the week. Nothimg to do with ‘not wanting to see those friends’. That’s just taking someone personal decision very personally

Ugh!
The thought of a pile of people barging into my home with stinking takeaways on a weeknight is even worse than hauling myself out into the cold.
She's a CF to suggest that.
Absolutely not.
You stay put OP and enjoy your evenings 💤

The problem here isn’t that you’re saying no.
Its the fact you’ve explained why and it isn’t a socially acceptable and accepted reason.

This situation is exactly the time when you need to be economicall in what you say. And just say ‘nope, I’m not available’
If people can’t cope with you not going out during the week, then you’re not compatible.
(fwiw I dint know many people with older teens who go out during the week either. Even if until 7pm/just a takeaway until 10.00pm etc…. Most people are tired, running around between work, doing housework, keeping an eye on said teenagers etc….and barely catch their breath)

I don't make weekday plans either and neither do my friends usually. However if there was an event on that I fancied then I would bend my own rule.

However, I've never actually said this rule out loud. I protect my time (any time of week or year) by saying "thank you for the invite but I can't make that. See you at the next meet up. ☺️"

Otherwise whatever reason you give, people try and come up with solutions to make it work. You don't have to explain yourself every time. However, I do agree with PP a bit of flexibility would be helpful now and then.

But you said you were prepared to lose friends and you also said "My weekends are really busy socially, with DH, the kids, my own family (big family) and my friends, and I love that."

I'm sorry if I misinterpreted you. I thought the people who were getting in touch with you, you didn't want to see at all.

if all it is is you can't meet Monday to Thursday, I think that's totally reasonable. Your explanation doesn't make that too clear.

Doubtful. Who wants a friend who can't be arsed to see them.

Second thread tonight where I'm saying this

If you don't want to see your friends, please tell them and don't string them along for years. You'll be doing them a favour.

You're entitled to live how you want to live. But stringing people along is not right.

This makes me feel really boring but im early 30s and I always refer to my work evenings as school nights! I never plan anything on a school night! I finish at 6 and by the time ive got back from work, walked the dog, made tea, cleaned up and made tomorrow's lunches its bedtime. How do people fit it in?!

It’s obviously fine to do this if it’s what you really want, but you should be aware that you won’t have any friends after a while. People stop asking if you can never make it. People like to be friends with people they get to actually see from time to time. You’re making it very clear they aren’t any kind of priority to you. Which is hurtful.

I would take the long view here OP- you won't always work FT and when you're retired you'll have lots of time to fill and it will be awful if your friends have drifted away! I feel the same as you- i HATE doing things in the evenings when I have work the next day- but I'll do it once or twice a month and I usually start to enjoy whatever the plan is once I'm in it. It's nice your friends want you so much!

Just say you are busy weekend evenings because it’s true, even if it’s not a typical reason for being busy.

I think it’s nice that your friends are so keen to see you! And that you have such a busy social life! If I tell people I’m busy on a particular night and to go ahead without me they usually do rather than finding a way to bend over backwards so I can join in 😊

I have always preferred to avoid social events during the week, but I will do it every now and again just because I know that works better for certain friendships. It’s all about give and take I think, and whilst I agree it’s more tiring I feel that one weekday evening social event per fortnight isn’t going to kill me…

I think its a bit inflexible. If there was no other time to see friends I'd make time in the week.

Well, I think that the problem with being really black or white like this is that what if something comes along that you really want to do that’s midweek only? Youll seem a hypocrite. Nothing wrong with saying “I don’t make plans” but surely it’s ok to break that every now and then? You can make the odd exception, can you not, to do something enjoyable? Not sure if having a takeaway with mates is really that exhausting!

If I set this rule, I’d miss a lot of cricket and football. Also, I’d miss out on a couple of comedy acts we are going to see locally (biggish names who often use the local theatre to do warm up gigs) with DH and a couple of shows we have booked. None of them go on particularly late and I still get all the sleep.
Like a PP says, you do risk being left out of everything long term by your friends. Sure, you’ll get more sleep but life might not be as exciting or fun.