AIBU protecting my time rigidly like this?

I think this is quite rigid tbh.

It seems an odd thing to have a fixed policy on 🤷‍♀️

If it was every week I’d understand your point but for the occasional evening I think it’s OTT.

You certainly can for internet friends, or friends who are long distance.

but it’s clear this friendship group is footed in face to face contact, as many are.

Having people over to your house is more work than going to them, surely? I don't understand how that was offered as a less effort option? It's worse!

Why do you think she can't support them, keep up with their lives and help them through their issues at the weekend, or on the phone, or via social media, or when she's on annual leave?

I don't think you're unreasonable at all. If you wouldn't enjoy socialising on a weeknight, there is no point doing it.

I agree with this. I had the exact same boundary - if I were working the next day, it would have to be somethingvreally special to get me to socialise. My friends all respected this, and some also had the same boundary. We used to refer to it as "school nite" -as in, "Can't do that date, sorry. School nite."

I never lost a friend because if it.

The OP's friend sounds a bit of a dick, pushing at this boundary so persistently.

Typo edits

It sounds like your friends are trying really hard to accommodate you eg suggesting meeting straight after work, or coming over to your house. But you are not giving them an inch.

I know you say you’d be there in an emergency, but if you’ve not been there for the humdrum day to day chats and moans, you won’t be the one they call on in an emergency.

Would you do a weeknight phone call? A zoom? A half-hour walk? If there is someone in particular who has been pushing to meet on weeknights have you thought that maybe they actually do really need someone to talk to?

I don’t think that’s the case. How can you really have friends you don’t see? How can OP keep up with their lives, support them, help them through their issues and problems, celebrate their achievements?

of course they’re unlikely to dump her the first time she says “no I don’t do weekdays”.
But after say, 3 years, of OP refusing to socialise unless it’s on suitable dates for her, it would be perfectly legitimate for the friends to wonder what the point in asking is.

IMO if OP loses friends over this then those people weren't really her friends to begin with.

I never see anyone on weeknights unless I absolutely have to. It's never lost me any friends, we socialise on the weekends or in the afternoons after work (we all work shifts/part-time) instead.

By all means restrict your social life how you want.
It won’t take long for people to stop inviting you to week night events so that won’t be a long term issue.

I don’t love weekday evening socialising but I know how busy people are at weekends so prefer to adapt where I can.

I am not available Mondays-Thursdays unless it’s a crisis/emergency.

I think if you are fine with losing friends just continue to say you will meet on occasional weekend but weekdays you have work and need lots of downtime and weekends are mainly for family. That will be hurtful to them if you don’t make any time for them though. There will come a point where work is not so full on, your DC are adults and your extended family may put demands on you as they get older or god forbid you may be widowed and DH not around then you may need friends for downtime. They may not be around if you continue to not make any effort to maintain a relationship. Boundaries are fine but in my book if a friend makes no effort to see me or maintain a relationship then they wouldn’t stay a friend for long. Depends on how often you get together though. If they are wanting to meet up every few weeks then missing the odd meet up is fine. If you only see each other every 6 months or so I think I would make an effort to prioritise them occasionally if I were you.

Quite. I would love to take similar stance in some respects, but life would be far poorer without the hobbies/people that happen on weeknight evenings

YANBU in the slightest. Unless it's a special occasion or an emergency, weekday evenings are for chilling on the sofa, doing my (solo!) hobbies and enjoying the peace and quiet.

I think it wouldn’t hurt to be a bit flexible now and again, even if you just throw one Thursday a month into the mix. It’s a blessing you have friends who want to see you.

I Totally get you. But I agree you have to accept that they’ll stop asking you to meet up.

I absolutely get you. It's a work night. I'm now retired but spent 30 years as a teacher and just said, 'Not on a school night' to people. I was absolutely knackered after a day at work, and frequently had marking to do in an evening.

I'm not sure why anyone would be upset that someone who works full time doesn't want to make plans for a mid week evening. Those who do get upset, well, that's their issue. You don't have to go out on an evening when you are exhausted after work just to appease someone else.

This is why I can’t be arsed with friends tbh. I’m too tired/busy through the week and my weekends are for family/the kids/house stuff etc. I don’t have the headspace for any of this “nourishing friendships” stuff. People are too needy.

Why would you need to ost it on Facebook if you did go out?

It is not unreasonable of you to protect your weekday evenings this way but it's also not unreasonable of your friends to feel like you're being a bit too protectective and you may lose them ultimately. If some people have a blanket ban on meeting in the week and others avoid meeting on weekends (I know people who like to keep them free for family time) then you'd never be able to meet up. Surely one evening a month could work but if it's in no way a priority for you to see them you're not obligated in any way.

I suppose I’m just going to end up echoing most people on here but yes my thought was you’ll probably end up losing some friends. But if you are ok with that as collateral damage then just carry on as you were

The problem as I see it is that some people (maybe more) are as protective of their weekends as you are of your week day evenings. For them weekends are full of family things, or things with their partners. This has become more apparent to me since my husband died. So you have to accept that by having a no week day evening policy, which is entirely your right, there are some people you will never see again.

It’s obviously your choice. But in the same way you are protective about your weekday evenings, maybe other people are protective of their weekends- it could be their regular family time for example. Also I don’t know about you but I am always so shattered on a Friday night that I’m good for nothing, so actually a Wednesday evening might suit me better.

You seem very inflexible- in protecting your own needs you’re not really taking your friends’ needs into account. Which is your choice, but you may find they just stop inviting you.

I never do anything in the evening on work days, TBH I haven’t since before DS13 was born. Dentistry is bloody tiring but also when I have done it all day I no longer want to talk to anyone. At all, even DH. Social battery dead.

Thing with sticking so rigidly is that works for you but if it doesn’t work for others you may end up excluded longer term as mentioned above.

I get the protected time. My ds is a swimmer and swims 4 mornings and the same 4 evenings a week. I work FT in between.

No swimming Wednesdays and I protect that time on the whole. But if I didn’t flex ever then I wouldn’t see friends because they are all willing to do the 1 evening a week I have free so make themselves available but wouldn’t be happy if I never did the same - not would I blame them.
I do however just say I need that time and will do no more than once a month and if that doesn’t fit in with their availability then please don’t feel bad that I have to miss the odd occasion as I understand my time is the limitation.