AIBU to tell my friends to stop calling for a chat

Just stick them on speaker (if DC is awake) or use headphones (if DC is asleep) and do what you’d be doing anyway. Not seeing the issue, really. Assuming these are your friends and you actually like them, obvs. If that’s not the case, tell them to let you be.

Yes, friendships like all relationships involve compromise.

When did we start seeing that as a bad thing?

If you don't phone back they will eventually stop calling. If you never answer they will eventually stop calling.

This ^
and don’t answer or call back - txt this nice clear message to them.
You can’t do long unplanned catch ups anymore and it’s ok. If you want to keep them in your life, offer them a meet up once a month and texts in between.

This is coming across a tad like you view their life and things happening in it as nowhere near as important as yours because you’re a Mum.

This. The examples given in the OPs opening paragraph make that quite obvious.

Pfft. What drama. No new mother should feel guilty for prioritising her child. This is why I don't do friendships. Too much guilt tripping and squeezing yourself into too many obligations to please others because you feel you should. Not worth it.

This is coming across a tad like you view their life and things happening in it as nowhere near as important as yours because you’re a Mum. Remember when you were child free your life felt important too didn’t it? So just ignore it for now and they’ll get the message. And then when your kid is old enough for you to get some free time back and you want to have chats again hopefully they’ll have stuck around despite you’re insistence that you’re too busy for them.

Do they ask about your life?

I'm a coward who hates conflict or awkward conversations. So in this instance: I'd just not answer if I didn't want to.

I'm not a "phone chat" sort. I'd rather text. Like you, I don't want to hang off a phone ignoring my kids and other stuff whilst making polite conversation for 25 minutes.

People will disagree with me : but you do tend to find once you have children that it can become strained or awkward to continue some relationships with people that haven't got children. I find some women will try desperately to morph into their pre baby self to keep the peace and prove to their friends they "haven't changed". But motherhood does change your life. And if friends fall by the wayside, so be it. Your child and your needs of your new life matter more.

I'm a bit of a cow though , as in, I do believe most friendships are situational and am quite happy to move on from friendships if my life circumstances change.

I think anyone who is older with grown kids can see how important friends are in your life and we don’t want the OP to make the mistake of not valuing her friendships who may be important to her again in future.

That said, you are right about the exhaustion of looking after young children, and we probably forget when we’re past that stage.

I miss mine. I'm sad to say that they've all gone now for reasons like the OP. Now my child is older I have more spare time but less friends. I hoped to keep my single and or child free friends, but they've one by one just peeled away. I do have a couple of close friends but you can only count them on (less than) one hand.

The good thing is though, that they do understand what its like to be busy with family, so they don't hold that against me as they have family commitments of their own. I can't get the old friends back now though, it has been too long. 😔

I think it's really sad when people drop their friends because they think their friends issues aren't important just because they don't have kids. One day you'll need some friends, maybe they'll have children when they're older and will decide your problems aren't important.

Just tell them you no longer value their friendship. You clearly don't from what you've written.

Wouldn’t you wrap up after a few minutes with “it’s been great catching up, thank you very much for calling. Let’s get together sometime”

Totally agree. Your time is your time and it’s limited. They should be able to read the room.

I don’t think it’s healthy for your life to revolve solely around your child. Will they not sit quietly in front of the TV for 10 minutes whilst you have a chat? Alternatively message your friend and arrange a time to catch up for a longer chat when your DH is home over the weekend. As your children grow up and become more independent you will be looking to get out and about more yourself and at that time you’ll be wanting your friends. Keep your friendships going.

Stick them on loud speaker while you go about your business

When you have time, you will eat something ?? warm or catch up with someone in person. You just said you have not got any time even for telephone catch ups and catch ups are not your thing anymore, because toddler life is now all you want

YANBU. People wouldn't expect you to have a long phone conversation if you were out with another friend so I don't know why people think it's acceptable for someone to ignore their child for a long phone conversation.

This. I don't see it as OP being mean at all. That said there is a risk that she could lose out on the friendships so if she wants to keep them, may be best to suggest meeting for coffee or answering the phone when you want to or are free to. I answer the phone when I'm free to do so or want to do so and my friends realise I'm not someone who just drops everything when the phone rings .

Gosh OP ppl are being mean to you. I get it and often feel similarly. I have friends I love who have way more appetite for calls than I do.
Don’t answer as often - and don’t apologise, you don’t need to explain yourself. And try to call them when it suits you - eg hands free in the car? Little and often should keep the relationship warm. Add in an occasional ‘let’s get together for a coffee in person’ so they feel you still care but don’t answer the phone when it doesn’t suit you.
Not sure why everyone’s pretending you’re being mean here?

I just wouldn't answer then message later saying you were busy.

Really no need to put a ban on chats, If you stop answering, they'll get the message.

Just tell them the truth…you cant be bothered with them anymore, but dont come and complain later that you've got no friends. You sound horrible to be honest. I hope they drop you.

Surely that’s what hands free is for?

I agree with this . Presumably though, you see your friends socially or message on WhatsApp rather than chatting to them via phone? I do with mine. I much prefer it to long chats . I think the way we socialise with our mates has changed.

You've all got way too much time on your hands if you can have lengthy conversations in the middle of what should be a working day!