DH missing parents evening to play football tonight

You’re both missing the point entirely… the list of things thisisholoween has mentioned is everything that two engaged parents who would take parents evening serious would be doing anyway and if not more. It’s op’s partner and others who take a lazy attitude to attending parents evening that strike
me as the sort who are unlikely to do anything extra outside of school for their children’s enrichment.

That’s the thing, we do both and more. It’s a package not options based where you decided to engage when and if based on what you think is best for your child. It’s a collaboration. I have seen you relentlessly post on here and seem to be getting irate at people for saying both parents ideally should attend if they can because it is an important meeting. Why is that bothering you so much? It’s how it should be, both parents wanting to actively parent their child … surely anyone would commend that not be offended by it.

absolutely

and you stick with this through secondary, it's exactly the same.
It sounds so counter-productive to put so much emphasis on parent-teachers, and think it's enough.

In primary, they have one teacher, and you see them a lot through the year anyway - more than either of you would like probably 😂

I’d be keeping this in my back pocket for a revenge drop out in return. Its very petty, but what’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.
Not something important like parents evening, but something I didn’t want to do. Drop out and have no qualms.

Helping with homework and reading, enabling them to be curious, teaching them things like languages, or about dinosaurs, or taking them to museums. Talking to them about their day, showing an interest in their friends and their projects, getting involved in their lives, letting them try activities, or new foods.

The 10 minutes spent at parents evening shouldn’t tell an engaged parent anything new, is my point. It’s a nice thing to attend if you want to but let’s not pretend it’s some life-changing event that mustn’t be missed.

Which school year is it? I’m not sure I found any of them any interest or use in primary until maybe year 6 at a push. As for secondary we’ve had year 7 and 8 so far and neither of them have told me anything I don’t already know.

I have no opinion about other people, but there's no reason why my kids wouldn't be in the top sets. if they need help they have it, but they only thing asked of them is to do well at school and do a couple of sports of their choice.

If one of them needs to spend less time messing around with their friends and more time studying to catch up, so be it 😂

They know, so they do the minimum to stay where they should be. Sometimes they even do more than the bare minimum, which is always a bonus😂

Well I was with you until the "if my child wasnt in the top set" bit. Not every child can be top, its fine to be average, you cant have a top set without middle and bottom ones too.

What do you mean by 'engaged in other ways'?

Well yes, the playground thing was primary, but in secondary you could also email teachers, ring or make arrangements to pop in if you wanted to.

It’s great some people find parents evening useful, it really is - but they could just say that without telling everyone else they don’t care about their kids or aren’t interested in education just because they don’t feel the same way.

What do you mean? At Primary? Surely not secondary, where a single teacher may have many, many students across different years. I rarely emailed a teacher at secondary, certainly not just to keep up to date.

I took notes - recommendations that teachers made (books, 6th form taster day dates, exam boards, remind DS to look at something or other.
Or at least I did take a pen and scribbled a few things down on the booking sheet. It's not that odd.

I don't get it at all.

Even if no-one has contacted you ,your child had not told you that they are behind and struggling, and you had somehow missed that they can't do basic homework, you can see their marks? You know in which set they have been put in? Or their reading band or whatever they have in the youngest years.

If one of my child wasn't in the top set of any subject, I wouldn't wait for parents teacher to arrange a proper meeting with that teacher to fix that immediately.

HOW could any child be a year behind without anyone noticing?

I think you are describing Primary school. There is no 'catching in the playground' at Secondary.
Obviously with any sort of pastoral concern or an exceptional educational one parents are encouraged not to wait until parents evening, but mostly, for academic progress parents evening was certainly not 'a nice added extra',

Most of DS's (now year 12) Secondary parents evenings were virtual. I hadn't even met most of the teachers until year 10 when they resumed in-person ones.

I found the in-person parents evenings so beneficial.

You take actual notes?!

I have had kids in school since 1995 and my youngest is in y10, so have had had 30 years of it (yes yes, eldest born when I was 17, youngest I was 38 with others in between) and I can honestly say I have never seen anyone taking notes.

again, I don't wait for parents teachers to know where my kids are at.
In some schools, the first parent/teacher is mid-year!

Serious and engaged parents are met with the same attitude. It’s a two way relationship and should be treated as a collaboration for the over all well being and achievement of the child.
that's easily seen throughout the entire year, nothing to do with a 10mn quick chit-chat between the child and his teacher.

It's pretty obvious which parents are engaged, and what is done throughout the year to improve their learning and and give them opportunities to go far beyond the small curriculum.

Some of us have good communication skills.
ok, well done you.

The biggest issue here is that parents evening was the first you heard of your child being a whole year behind.

That isnt a parents evening thing imo. That should have been addressed by the school way sooner.

@ThatRealLemonCat you can do both, I did.

We've also always attended parents evening together to show DC we both equally value their education and support the school.

locals schools are more grateful by the support we give when we actively volunteer than when we both show up just for the sake of showing our face once a year 😂

I genuinely don’t understand how shit the schools are these days or is it just parents not bothering to work with the schools anymore ? At mine it’s rare not to see two parents and it’s usually a two way interaction, in depth covering where DC are and where improvements if any can be made. We usually go with questions and concerns if any and teachers are very engaged and prepared. They know the children well and provide some valuable insight into what our DC is up
to for what is a significant period of time away from us.

@StormyPotatoes you don’t have to attend parents evenings to find those things out though. You can get in touch with their teacher at any point in the school year. You can speak to the pastoral team or the head of year. You can make an appointment to pop in after school or catch them in the playground, or send an email. When I was in school there was even a section in our homework diaries where teachers and parents could communicate each week.

This idea that you must attend parents evening to learn about your child’s progress is quite sad to me. If you’re engaging with them, helping with homework and getting involved in their lives, then parents evening should just be a nice added extra you attend if you want to - it shouldn’t be something you’re relying on to learn about your child’s’ education and school life.

And if there are no concerns, well, then there’s no need to really attend parents evening anyway imo 🤷‍♀️

It’s not just showing your face. Some of us have good communication skills. It’s an opportunity to get feedback as to where your child is and where improvements can be made. If you go in, with a laissez faire attitude then you will be met with a similar attitude.

Serious and engaged parents are met with the same attitude. It’s a two way relationship and should be treated as a collaboration for the over all well being and achievement of the child.

I never said it’s the most important thing but attending parents evening together is certainly important.

Or.....his wife could just update him. I don't see the drama. He can go next time.

When children are small, you do. They can barely remember if they had English much less what they learned in it.

But even then when they are older, it’s the gesture from the parents - it’s showing that you have an active engagement in their lives. They are away from the best part of a working week.

Not just that, but if there’s no concerns (I.e. actual things parents need to be notified about like frequent absences or other misdemeanour) how often do you think parents find out from the school how their children are doing?

No, both parents don’t NEED to attend but my DH could’ve been offered England tickets and he’d still have prioritised his children. (I’d have given him the pass and told him missing it once wouldn't hurt). So no, missing it once isn’t the issue. It’s the level of giving-a-shit that matters. YANBU op.