To be annoyed at bf spending on a game when we've got baby stuff to get?

@Goldenbear Won't she be entitled to a funded nursery place?

She is 'providing' she's providing child care, he wouldn't be able to work as an apprentice without that child care. However, I would so for overall quality of life it may be better to try and get something so not such a struggle..

They have a baby for goodness sake. She is contributing.

I went back at 4mths - I work nights

im se and earned more in one night then a weeks of ma

so was the obvious thing to do

times are hard and everything is a cost so living off one wage and an apprentice one at that , just isn’t enough

being a sahm is a luxury at the moment

I agree with trying to better your self and online courses or some kind of qualification will help

@AnneShirleyBlythe I agree. But then I don't think any father should have to "keep" his partner or children. As a mother it is equally my duty to provide for my child, not rely on someone else to do it for me.

There’s no way a 17 yr old apprentice is earning anywhere near enough to keep a family of 3! So it's not really about him getting more to spend on himself but them having more
money overall.

Op I'm so sorry you have so little support from family. You are in a very tough situation & have had to grow up fast. I can understand with a preemie you have not wanted to go out to work yet. You need to start thinking of a plan now for you & your baby’s security. Could you resume your college course at some point, next autumn maybe? Many have nurseries on site. Christmas jobs are usually advertised now, weekend shifts could work in the short term just to get a cash boost till Christmas?

Sell all your baby clothes/gear as baby grows out of it. Won’t make a lot but it’s some money to put away as emergency savings. Do online surveys while baby naps its only a £ or so per survey but adds up if you do several a day. Anything else you could do as a wee side hustle?Check if you can reduce your bills by switching energy/broadband/ mobile etc.

Lastly, my best friend & my sister had babies at 17 & 18. BF was a single mum from day 1, sister had a partner & went on to have another child with him at 22. It was incredibly hard for both when their kids were small but ultimately all was fine & they both have good careers now & their kids are grown up & doing well in life. You have chosen a harder path but you will still get on & succeed if you try. Wishing you luck x

Maternity leave is only paid for 9 months, surely most people go back then, unless they are fortunate enough to have a more generous occupational maternity package. Mind you most of my female friends are well earning professionals, so their salaries added a lot to their household finances, so extended unpaid leave would have been unaffordable.

Op - maybe wait til spring to work but you could certainly put in some research and planning soon around college courses and jobs. Your partner is very young, as are you, so you both need to think about how you get the best quality of life and future for you all long term - not just who spends what on games right now. Good luck x

Ok, I think budgeting sounds like the first step. Also making sure you're getting everything you're entitled to, have you heard of healthy start? Money towards healthy food and milk for the baby.

There are more seasonal jobs going, e.g. I've seen Tesco advertising. I suggest you speak to a health professional about whether your baby is at a genuine additional risk of getting severely ill. You can get free hours of childcare. And UC will cover a lot too.

I am directing the question at the OP because she is the OP. By definition, she is the person answering questions because it’s her post. If her “child partner” was the OP I’d be asking him the same question. So your statement about misogyny is just a bit silly and irrelevant.

You absolutely can work when your boyfriend is home. How do you think other people manage? Work evenings and weekends. Solved.

@Wavescrashingonthebeach Many I know of did, especially if they needed to to pay the bills and support their families as is the case here.

I dont know many people who went back full time at 9 months!! 1 or 2

Have you enquired about access to food banks? Is this something you qualify for?

op I am 34 and would be annoyed if my partner spent money on a luxury item before necessities were taken care of, you’re not being unreasonable at all.

Unfortunately a lot of males mature at a slower rate to females so he probably hasn’t gotten to the point you have in terms of priorities etc. This is your opportunity to educate him on financial management and family priorities so that this doesn’t become a reoccurring thing in the future. Not that this is your responsibility, but it’s the situation you’re in and it will make your life better in the long run.

For what it’s worth, given the circumstances it sounds like you are managing really well. Most of the people on here would struggle to manage a household on a single apprenticeship salary. In the long run though, please do look at doing some online education or training at home whilst baby naps or something, you are very vulnerable should anything happen & you and your partner part ways. Not to mention if it’s hard to get a job now, it will be after a big gap in your CV.

Is your baby walking? If not I wouldn’t bother prioritising shoes. Just get a winter coat with feet in off Vinted or something!

edited to add - if you don’t already have a Monzo account, I’d recommend it. You can make pots on there and allocate your money at the start of the month. We do this to keep control of spending so we aren’t blindly just taking from the main household pot. We have pots for the following and once they’re empty; no more of those things until next pay day:
day’s out with the kids
coffees
parking charges
takeaways
food shopping
pet care
main joint account is for bills only

@ChosenHenry I had DS when I was 19 (he’s now 12). DH and I both had some moments where we could have been more mature. We talked about it, agreed a way forward and moved on. Buying the game isn’t great and I would be annoyed too. Hopefully your boyfriend will see it wasn’t the best use of the money.

The best thing I did for myself (and our family) was getting my qualifications and going to uni. It was hard at the time but now I’m in a well paid professional job/ we own our own house etc. It can be done and you can succeed together as a family. Some people will be extra judgmental just because of your ages. Ignore them!

It doesn't have to be a nursery, you could use a childminder with less children so less likely for him to get unwell.

What happens the next time he gets ill and you are short again?
Or what happens the next time he decides to be irresponsible and buy a game because he fancies it and doesn't think about his child?

You are directing your question to op as if her partner isn't part of the equation. If you can't understand any of the many reasons why a young woman may become a younger mother then yes that's misogynistic and harmful.

Huh?! Do you even know what “misogyny” means? If you did, you certainly wouldn’t have made such a ridiculous comment in response to my post.

Not a smart decision to decide to have a baby with a 16yr old but what's done is done. You need to be smart about this OP for your child. No point being passive, and living off handouts because he is not capable of supporting his child.
Chances of this relationship lasting are slim so you need to be prepared and plan how you are going to be the role model your child deserves.
Finishing your education should be a priority and you can make that happen. You don't want to end up 'stuck' because you are unable to stand on your own two feet and support yourself and your child. Of course, he will have to contribute, as he should, but you'd be much better off figuring out how you can manage solo. I have no doubt you have the strength and ability, you just need to dig deep and find it

Also op if you're young and in a very tight budget your health visitor can do grant applications for winter clothes etc for your child and also possibly for you such as through Buttle Trust.

Honestly some of these posts are just so toxic. I cannot imagine such harsh comments to an older mother who's partner was working, coming home and chilling- leaving her to do the brunt of all the childcare for a vulnerable child who was very premature, misspending his salary while she's still on mat leave. How dare a mother be concerned about having time to herself on top of that when she gives him weekly time to himself as well as during the week. Op is the one stepping up. Having absolutely no time to yourself is not the norm and I say that as a lone parent - it is however a direct road to burnout.

Be careful your misogyny is showing.