Work Golf Trip | Mumsnet

Kerrylass · 2025-10-09T11:20:30+00:00

My colleague M40's has just advised me that he and my manager also M40's and 2 other colleagues both male are away this afternoon golfing. There is no business reason for them to do so, they will not be using AL, just an afternoon out. There will be 3 women remaining in the office. In an effort not to drip feed - here's some additional info: - The ladies don't play golf 2 of the party of 4 are more senior that me, one on my level and one junior. This is not the 1st time they enjoyed such an event My boss is flexible if i need an hour off here or there - rarely used however. The fact that they are out of the office doesn't actually affect me and my work load. The ladies don't get an equivalent outing. AIBU - No skin off your nose - let the lads have their day out YANBU - this is wrong and creates a mens club .

coxesorangepippin · 09/10/2025 15:38

Sorry I read m40 as the motorway

Pollqueen · 09/10/2025 14:04

I'd say, great we'll come with you and whilst you guys bond on the course you'll find us bonding in the clubhouse bar 🍸

SalamiSammich · 09/10/2025 13:29

Kerrylass · 09/10/2025 13:16

OK So an update.

Manager just popped his head in to tell me that he has promised that lads he will take them golfing. He justifies this by saying he is paying himself. Oh right i said....leaving that hang...he then adds he will take me and my 2 female colleagues to lunch next week. I said great, so we can have afternoon to go shopping after?... he smirks and raises his eyebrows in a way that tells me, he knows this is wrong but his doing it anyway. I said enjoy your day.

BTW this boss knows i'm not a push over. I'm the cranky one in the office. We all get on great but at the same time, no'one messes with me. The other woman is a people pleaser who wont say anything to the boss but will bitch about it after, and the other lady is almost retired and is resigned to whatever happens.

Im on tik tok for afternoon. Motivation is low understandably.

I'd say you want to go golfing instead of lunch. On the outing I'd make a sly comment like "I'm so glad we're doing this. Hopefully we can split the group by something other than sex next time. Don't want to open yourself up for a sex discrimination lawsuit haha."

The message is then very clear and he can't do it again

BeeKee · 09/10/2025 13:27

My friend specifically took up golf as she was so annoyed.

When they all got up to go one day, she left with them without saying a thing. Just picked up her golf clubs and followed them out. Asked where to meet them, and drove to the golf club.

99bottlesofkombucha · 09/10/2025 13:20

I would pick a NICE place for lunch, tell him we voted and it’s booked for Tuesday, and not one of you ladies go back to the office afterwards. Tell them that’s an order, and if they have urgent deadlines you will transfer to manager with a suggestion of which hard working man can cover it. Order a bottle of champagne as you sit down or wine if that’s if what the others prefer. Reinforce the don’t fuck with me message.

Original poster

Kerrylass · 09/10/2025 13:16

OK So an update.

Manager just popped his head in to tell me that he has promised that lads he will take them golfing. He justifies this by saying he is paying himself. Oh right i said....leaving that hang...he then adds he will take me and my 2 female colleagues to lunch next week. I said great, so we can have afternoon to go shopping after?... he smirks and raises his eyebrows in a way that tells me, he knows this is wrong but his doing it anyway. I said enjoy your day.

BTW this boss knows i'm not a push over. I'm the cranky one in the office. We all get on great but at the same time, no'one messes with me. The other woman is a people pleaser who wont say anything to the boss but will bitch about it after, and the other lady is almost retired and is resigned to whatever happens.

Im on tik tok for afternoon. Motivation is low understandably.

OP posts:

Nofencesitting · 09/10/2025 13:11

allthegrass · 09/10/2025 12:42

I think it would depend. If the women decided to do an activity they enjoy for the afternoon and got an afternoon off work without using any leave then I think that would be fair. If they said no to this then it’s discrimination. What would your boss say if you suggested this ?

It would only be fair if the boss attended it too.
Otherwise he is still bonding with the men and not the women.
In fact it would be extremely patronising and emphasise the sexist hierarchy if the women were allowed their activity afternoon as a sop to their feelings but the boss continued to just enjoy his afternoon with the guys.

BauhausOfEliott · 09/10/2025 13:05

This is appalling. Even if the split wasn’t along male-female lines, it would be unfair to have outings on company time that were solely for staff who happen to share a hobby.

The fact that all the golfers are men and all the non-golfers are women makes it even worse and potentially discriminatory.

It’s the sort of thing that used to happen in the dark days of the 1970s ffs.

TypeyMcTypeface · 09/10/2025 13:00

Overthebow · 09/10/2025 12:58

No that’s really not ok. What’s your team structure, does your manager have a manager? Is it a big company?

This - large corporate or small family firm? Equally unfair either way, but affects your options for doing something about it.

allthegrass · 09/10/2025 12:58

@KerrylassYeah that’s really annoying then if that is the case.

Overthebow · 09/10/2025 12:58

No that’s really not ok. What’s your team structure, does your manager have a manager? Is it a big company?

YodasHairyButt · 09/10/2025 12:58

Book an afternoon jolly for the 3 remaining staff members. Won’t have a leg to stand on if they object. Oh and invite them to join you as you’re neither exclusive nor discriminatory. See how that goes down 👍

vivainsomnia · 09/10/2025 12:57

This is terrible but doesn't surprise me.

If it was me, I'd announced that golf was clearly a lot of fun and had decided to start playing and so was going to join them on their next round.

I imagine their faces!

Purplelily0312 · 09/10/2025 12:55

Kerrylass · 09/10/2025 12:48

This ^
Feel like i work in a cave with men in loin cloths

Show quote history

How do the other woman feel in the office?

QuickPeachPoet · 09/10/2025 12:54

What a shame none of you plays golf so you can see whether it is actual discrimination or just elitism.
One lady in our team is a brilliant golfer - she would be straight in there asking if she could join!

StandFirm · 09/10/2025 12:49

Kerrylass · 09/10/2025 12:48

This ^
Feel like i work in a cave with men in loin cloths

Show quote history

Sorry to hear. I think we've all had a trip or two to pre historic times...

StandFirm · 09/10/2025 12:48

Trust me, I saw a little 'clique' form at one of my workplaces. It poisons the entire team in the end. And you'll see who the next promotion goes to. It's really not ok. It's a power move on their part and not to be tolerated.

Original poster

Kerrylass · 09/10/2025 12:48

StandFirm · 09/10/2025 12:43

I think he's counting on the women not being interested so that he can hide behind plausible deniability. Next time he pulls that little trick, all the women in the office should say 'great idea, we're in'. And watch him squirm because either he shuts up shop for the afternoon as you do with a properly organised team outing- or he would have to own up to his misogyny because there is no way a boss can justify that behaviour.

This ^
Feel like i work in a cave with men in loin cloths

OP posts:

StandFirm · 09/10/2025 12:47

Kerrylass · 09/10/2025 12:46

This will not happen. Seems like golf is the only activity giving billing for an afternoon out of the office

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Then you should all join - it's work after all- sure, you may not enjoy it but that's not the point.

Original poster

Kerrylass · 09/10/2025 12:46

allthegrass · 09/10/2025 12:42

I think it would depend. If the women decided to do an activity they enjoy for the afternoon and got an afternoon off work without using any leave then I think that would be fair. If they said no to this then it’s discrimination. What would your boss say if you suggested this ?

This will not happen. Seems like golf is the only activity giving billing for an afternoon out of the office

OP posts:

StandFirm · 09/10/2025 12:46

Vaxtable · 09/10/2025 12:45

I would ask the boss when the women’s outing is to be arranged for

there really shouldn't be a 'women''s outing. That's almost just as bad!

YourJoyousDenimExpert · 09/10/2025 12:46

This could have been made a whole team event with lunch for all and then the choice of a golf round, golf lesson or an early finish. The patriarchy lives on alas….clear discrimination and they should be called out on it and asked when the three remaining behind will get an equivalent opportunity….

Vaxtable · 09/10/2025 12:45

I would ask the boss when the women’s outing is to be arranged for

StandFirm · 09/10/2025 12:44

allthegrass · 09/10/2025 12:42

I think it would depend. If the women decided to do an activity they enjoy for the afternoon and got an afternoon off work without using any leave then I think that would be fair. If they said no to this then it’s discrimination. What would your boss say if you suggested this ?

But it also shouldn't be segregated. A boss can't just bond with the blokes - to me that's the bigger issue, bigger than the time off.

Original poster

Kerrylass · 09/10/2025 12:44

StandFirm · 09/10/2025 12:29

Were you presented with an opportunity to join the outing? Even if I hate golf, I would personally join that type of thing. Your boss can't arrange a team bonding day out that excludes the women on purpose.

No - an invite wasn't extended

OP posts: