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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not pick my teen up from school when they’re ‘ill’

246 replies

scaredfriend · 09/10/2025 10:12

I have recently started a new job that’s an hour away from home and my kids go to schools that are half an hour from home, but in the other direction. They’re teens - 15 and 13.

So far this term (a month in!) each child’s school has called to say my child is feeling unwell and could I collect. I questioned if they were really ill
and was told that the school can’t make that call but I needed to attend and collect them. So I had to excuse myself from work, undertake a 90 min drive to get them (from work to school) and a further 30 mins to get them home, followed by another 60 mins drive to return to work for a couple of hours. And I had to make 1/2 day up by working late for the rest of the week (fair enough).

I picked up DC2 because ‘they were feeling really sick’ only to get home and watch them raid the fridge and put the telly on. DC1 (different day) had a heavy cold but could’ve soldiered on as no temp, just snotty and coughing. They have paracetamol etc in their bag. Again I had to take hours away from my desk and make the time up for the second time in as many weeks. Not great.

School phoned again today. DC1 ‘is feeling dizzy’. I responded by saying that I really can’t leave work and so could school allow my DC to sit in the medical room / office until the end of the school day if they’re not well enough to go to the lesson. The reply was no - I need to collect.

I really don’t remember ever leaving school unwell when I was a similar age. Probably because it was pre mobile phones and difficult to contact my parents to collect during the day. But I do remember sitting on the sofas in the medical room with a blanket when I felt really rough. Lots of us did that.

School won’t allow children to leave without being collected - so even if I said ok, send them home, they can’t walk to the bus and get themselves home (as they would otherwise do at the end of the day). I have to leave work to collect.

AIBU? I’d understand for small children but I think my teens would be fine to stay in school.

OP posts:
FlorenceAndTheVagine · 09/10/2025 11:03

It’s ridiculous. Your children need to keep their mouths shut unless they’re actually ill (make it clear to them what that means). And if they are, can you pay for a taxi? Annoying but less annoying that 90 mins then 60 mins of driving for you!

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 09/10/2025 11:02

TheBlueHotel · 09/10/2025 10:44

How is a secondary school refusing to allow teenagers to leave without an adult? Fuck that. If they want the kid off site then they let them leave. I'm sure your children can soldier home on the bus if they are really determined to get home.

And when the dizzy child faints and gets injured the school gets in trouble for allowing a sick child to leave on their own....

Sweetleftfood · 09/10/2025 11:01

Seems like the school is a bit 'trigger happy' in calling parents. I have two DC, one just left 6 form and the other in lower 6. I have never ever had a call to pick them up from secondary school ever. I don't actually even know their procedures for this but I assume they would not call me for one of them feeling a bit dizzy. Word with DC's and word with school I believe. Only concern is that your DC or school wouldn't call you if there really would be something bad

Eenameenadeeka · 09/10/2025 11:01

The "dizzy" one is a bit annoying (from your child not the school but couldn't you keep them home if they have a bad cold? Sure, lots of people go in toward the end of a cold because the cough can last for weeks, but when they're at the worst of it you could give them a day off and save yourself the trip. The issue is with your children, not the school (if they could just say they feel unwell and take themselves home, there would be many children going home because they feel like it- or genuinely ill children could end up having a serious issue and being alone) so maybe get to the bottom of what they are trying to avoid.

PrancerandDancer · 09/10/2025 10:58

Different perspective... secondary schools are hot on attendance. They would not send kids home until they really felt they were ill, especially this early in the year.

I used to work in the medical room in a school and we always encouraged kids back to class if possible.

Schools will not allow an ill child to walk home alone, especially if they know an adult is not home, in case the child's condition deteriorates.

As frustrating as this is, it should have been a consideration when you took a job 90 minutes away from your child's school. Is there any other relative near by who can be on the list to collect in these circumstances?

OxfordInkling · 09/10/2025 10:53

Don’t answer the phone. And if you do answer and there’s not been vomit, broken bones or blood - tell the school to either release the kid to walk home if they think it’s real illness, or send them back to class.

Ablondiebutagoody · 09/10/2025 10:52

LapinR0se · 09/10/2025 10:45

I have informed the school that I will only collect my children if they are vomiting, have a high fever (confirmed with thermometer), or have had an accident. For anything else, they stay at school and I am not to be contacted.

What if they have dihorrea?

TheBlueHotel · 09/10/2025 10:52

scaredfriend · 09/10/2025 10:51

Safeguarding apparently. In case they take a turn for the worse when they aren’t under adult supervision. I think it’s bonkers…

Show quote history

They can say this but they can't enforce it. If they want the kid off site then they have to let them leave...

RubySquid · 09/10/2025 10:52

PixieandMe · 09/10/2025 10:43

Right. So they were unwell and therefore school did the right thing in calling you.

They can’t keep a sick or dizzy child in school.

Show quote history

They can be ott at times though. Even 25 years ago they school range me to say DD1 was in great pain with suspect appendicitis. I traveled back from london, losing the contract I was sorting out at the time for DD to tell me " oh was only a stitch. I told them that at the time"

When schools do that kind of thing it doesn't help school/ parent relationship

Kary26 · 09/10/2025 10:51

We have a school nurse in a comprehensive school.

Original poster
scaredfriend · 09/10/2025 10:51

TheBlueHotel · 09/10/2025 10:44

How is a secondary school refusing to allow teenagers to leave without an adult? Fuck that. If they want the kid off site then they let them leave. I'm sure your children can soldier home on the bus if they are really determined to get home.

Safeguarding apparently. In case they take a turn for the worse when they aren’t under adult supervision. I think it’s bonkers…

OP posts:
VickyEadieofThigh · 09/10/2025 10:51

Arlanymor · 09/10/2025 10:47

Did you read this as WFH rather than working away from home?

Show quote history

I DID and have just edited it!!!

Ablondiebutagoody · 09/10/2025 10:50

Guytheskiinstructor · 09/10/2025 10:43

What did the school nurse have to say? What interventions had they attempted, for the dizziness in particular?

If this happens again, can you afford a taxi to take the kid home?

Is it possible that there is something underlying this behaviour? Kids overwhelmed at school? Friendship issues?

This is an interesting thread because the messages we used to get from school were about maximising attendance and coming in even if they have a “bit of a sniffle”. (Which I didn’t really agree with.)

School nurse? Interventions? Maybe at Hogwarts. Much more likely to have been a wet paper towel from the admin woman.

Original poster
scaredfriend · 09/10/2025 10:50

LapinR0se · 09/10/2025 10:45

I have informed the school that I will only collect my children if they are vomiting, have a high fever (confirmed with thermometer), or have had an accident. For anything else, they stay at school and I am not to be contacted.

I need to do this!

OP posts:
TheBlueHotel · 09/10/2025 10:49

VickyEadieofThigh · 09/10/2025 10:46

So - WHY are you the one (especially as you work much further away from the school) responding to this and picking the kids up?

Edit: misread as 'works FROM home'!

Edited
Show quote history

Away from home. Not from home.

Original poster
scaredfriend · 09/10/2025 10:49

VickyEadieofThigh · 09/10/2025 10:46

So - WHY are you the one (especially as you work much further away from the school) responding to this and picking the kids up?

Edit: misread as 'works FROM home'!

Edited
Show quote history

DH is in another country!

OP posts:
Original poster
scaredfriend · 09/10/2025 10:48

PixieandMe · 09/10/2025 10:43

Right. So they were unwell and therefore school did the right thing in calling you.

They can’t keep a sick or dizzy child in school.

Show quote history

Why not? They haven’t actually been sick. Have you never gone to work feeling a bit ‘off’? I’d have spent half the winter off school as a kid if I’d stayed home every time I felt a bit poorly. We had colds, coughs etc all the time.
And as I said earlier, it was normal to stay in school even if you were ill (presumably because parents were hard to contact before mobile phones became common). I remember plenty of kids sitting by the sinks with a bucket at primary school or sleeping on the library comfy chairs with a blanket.
I wouldn’t expect school to keep a child actively vomiting but I don’t see why they can’t stay if they’re just a bit dizzy or have a bad cold.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 09/10/2025 10:47

VickyEadieofThigh · 09/10/2025 10:46

So - WHY are you the one (especially as you work much further away from the school) responding to this and picking the kids up?

Edit: misread as 'works FROM home'!

Edited
Show quote history

Did you read this as WFH rather than working away from home?

Corridorchaos · 09/10/2025 10:46

I used to work in a secondary school office and there would be days we’d be babysitting almost a classload of children who said they were ill. 95% of them were avoiding maths/English/a lesson they didn’t want to go to. It’s all very well to say send them back to class but unfortunately the 95% were also the ones who were disruptive. The teachers just didn’t want them in their class so us office staff couldn’t win. We rang parents because it’s up to them to bollock their children and tell them to get back to class. We had one tiny sick room. I felt really sorry for the genuinely ill, quietly puking into the sick bucket while others bunked off. It was one of the reasons I no longer work in a secondary school…

TheBlueHotel · 09/10/2025 10:46

PixieandMe · 09/10/2025 10:43

Right. So they were unwell and therefore school did the right thing in calling you.

They can’t keep a sick or dizzy child in school.

Show quote history

They can't keep a dizzy child in school? Of course they can. My DS has a phase of getting dizzy at school - he had low iron and B12 as it turned out so nothing serious and whenever it happened he went to medical and sat quietly until he felt better. Nobody called me, because 'feeling dizzy' isn't a serious symptom in otherwise healthy teenagers.

VickyEadieofThigh · 09/10/2025 10:46

scaredfriend · 09/10/2025 10:37

DH works away from home currently.

Show quote history

So - WHY are you the one (especially as you work much further away from the school) responding to this and picking the kids up?

Edit: misread as 'works FROM home'!

LapinR0se · 09/10/2025 10:45

I have informed the school that I will only collect my children if they are vomiting, have a high fever (confirmed with thermometer), or have had an accident. For anything else, they stay at school and I am not to be contacted.

Jellycatspyjamas · 09/10/2025 10:45

MagpiePi · 09/10/2025 10:26

The fact that the school won't let them walk home if they are 'ill' means that they realise that hordes of them would be leaving school 'ill' every day. By insisting they are collected it puts the onus on parents to manage the behaviour but it is unfair if parents are losing a lot of time at work. Surely having to spend the rest of the day in a boring sick room would be a good deterrent?

Would they expect @scaredfriend to drop her scalpel if she was the surgeon in the middle of a complicated surgery to come and pick up a child who fancied the rest of the day at home?

It’s not unfair though, if parents are loosing time at work because their kids are malingering it’s for the parents to deal with. Parents will only do that if they’re negatively impacted by said malingering. Otherwise the school tells you little Bobby spent the day in the medical room, parent shrugs their shoulders and moves on. Parent having to take time out of work to pick up said child means they can actually see and assess how they are, and administer a medicinal scolding for pissing them about when all they needed was a tissue and a packet of lockets.

TheBlueHotel · 09/10/2025 10:44

How is a secondary school refusing to allow teenagers to leave without an adult? Fuck that. If they want the kid off site then they let them leave. I'm sure your children can soldier home on the bus if they are really determined to get home.

Seeline · 09/10/2025 10:44

Do schools have a medically qualified person?
In my experience if it couldn't be solved with a wet paper towel, they called home
It's not really the school office person's job to keep checking temperatures. They can't administer pain relief or anything can they?
What if they missed something serious?

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