Page 5 | To Discuss How Not To Be A Bullying Victim

ClockedIt · 2025-10-09T07:45:14+00:00

There was another thread on a similar but not same subject this week that that mentions that this would be a good subject to explore but, to use a well worn phrase ‘would be the subject of a different thread’. That thread had some really interesting posts about group dynamics. I had a discussion a while ago about this with someone who had been badly bullied - didn’t fit in in school, college or work. We became friendly and had a lot of deep personal chats. I said to him “who is most likely to become a victim of bullying - is it someone with no friends?” He said “no - not exactly someone with no friends - it’s someone who is unsure” Even though he was bullied, he had a good perception of people and people’s motivations. Someone else I spoke to said that people pick on differences between people but if a person with differences has a strong personality that deters bullies. Any thoughts?

Original poster

ClockedIt · 09/10/2025 11:52

ObtuseMoose · 09/10/2025 09:13

Bullies sense weakness, someone who's shy or timid is an easy target, they're less likely to fight back.
Also bullying can be insidious, it starts with small things that seem harmless then escalates, because nothing has been done about the small things someone is already a victim and the bully/bullies feel comfortable to continue.
I don't know what the answer to stopping bullying is, you can teach children to fight back but some will never do that because they lack the confidence and fear making things worse which brings us back to bullies sensing weakness!

Yes there are times it’s not good to swear the small stuff

OP posts:

PraisebetoGod · 09/10/2025 10:13

My personality type has definitely been a protective factor against bullying. My interests aren't popular and I don't socialise in huge groups. The difference I noticed at school was other children who were like me in that sense were bullied. I am self assured and fearless; those other children were not. This is picked up as a weakness and bullies are happy to exploit it. This isn't me victim blaming BTW but research does suggest certain traits make individuals less likely to be targeted.

Ygga · 09/10/2025 10:13

Do some martial arts. Fight back. If it's verbal bullying punch them still. My DS punched a bully 11 years ago (in year 9) after months of constant mocking. Bully was left sobbing and with a black eye. DS was victorious.

gannett · 09/10/2025 10:09

He said “no - not exactly someone with no friends - it’s someone who is unsure”

Oh this is so perceptive. He's right, it's not about being different - it's about being insecure about your differences. That's what psychological bullies pick on - the feeling that you're the weird one and there's something wrong with you.

I didn't fit in at school - mixed-race in a rural environment, nerdy and speccy and not very socially adept. I wasn't ever bullied. I think some of the kids did try to pick on me but I didn't really pay them much attention, nor did I want them to like me, because from the age of 12 all I was thinking about was my life after school. It was easy to brush off because I was always confident that I was only weird in a good way, and it'd pay off down the line. (I was right!)

That's just psychological bullying though. Physical bullying is unfortunately more straightforward and there's not much you can do when someone who's bigger and stronger decides they're going to use that against you.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 09/10/2025 09:51

DD1 - intelligent, quirky, pretty girl who loves drama and reading, always tries her best, tries to do the right thing, always reflects and looks at both sides.

DD2 - boy climbed onto a rope ladder she was using, cocked an eye at her, starts deliberately shaking it. DD2 calmly braces herself, climbs up past him... and very carefully steps on his face as she does so.
First week of reception, class naughty boy laughs at DD2. According to teacher, DD2 gets up out of her seat straight and without a word, punches him in the face. Hard.
DD2 gets on a swing. Boy wants to use it so he stands in front of her. Silently, DD2 clenches her fist and looks right at him. He moves.

...
Guess which one of those children has never been bullied?

Original poster

ClockedIt · 09/10/2025 09:24

Ablondiebutagoody · 09/10/2025 09:01

Bullies pick victims who they can scare, who will be too timid to fight back. They want to issue the "we'll get you after school" threat and have the kid bricking it all day long. Makes them feel good.

From a young age we have to teach DC to fight fire with fire. Don't accept that crap and be willing to use violence if they have to. The bullies just knowing that's the case changes things.

I hate all the "kind hands, tell the teacher" stuff. Doesn't work.

Gosh there was so much of the “I’ll get you after school” thing when I was at school.

I’ve had mixed experiences with school. I punched a girl in the face when I was 13 because she interfered in an argument with me and my friend. To be honest - I was being unreasonable and an arse to my friend and I feel I shouldn’t have punched her cos realistically the girl who intervened wasn’t bullying me so I regret it. But she was scared of me then.

At 16 I told another ‘hard girl’ to Fuck Off and she proceeded to hand my arse to me on a plate to teach me a lesson. She had superior social leverage to me and knew I was unpopular so literally rallied up a gang around me to intimidate me in response - she wasn’t prepared to accept being told to fuck off by someone socially inferior. But the thing is, between the ages of 13 and 16 I’d gone from slightly unpopular in school to a complete social pariah in school. Maybe this explains the different attitude to me ‘pushing back’.

But I think that who you hang out with matters. When I was bullied I hung out with a ‘rough’’ girl but who was also unpopular and had low social status in the school - surprising combination I know. Then I hung out with a girl who wasn’t popular but also not ‘rough’ at all and was dignified and even though she was slightly unpopular she wasn’t ‘low social status’ either.. When I went round with her, apart from one very small incident the bullying diminished to nothing. I think who you hang out with matters as it influences who has access to you.

OP posts:

Ablondiebutagoody · 09/10/2025 09:23

ObtuseMoose · 09/10/2025 09:13

Bullies sense weakness, someone who's shy or timid is an easy target, they're less likely to fight back.
Also bullying can be insidious, it starts with small things that seem harmless then escalates, because nothing has been done about the small things someone is already a victim and the bully/bullies feel comfortable to continue.
I don't know what the answer to stopping bullying is, you can teach children to fight back but some will never do that because they lack the confidence and fear making things worse which brings us back to bullies sensing weakness!

Self defence classes. Start them young and by the time they get to secondary, they'll be fine.

ObtuseMoose · 09/10/2025 09:13

Bullies sense weakness, someone who's shy or timid is an easy target, they're less likely to fight back.
Also bullying can be insidious, it starts with small things that seem harmless then escalates, because nothing has been done about the small things someone is already a victim and the bully/bullies feel comfortable to continue.
I don't know what the answer to stopping bullying is, you can teach children to fight back but some will never do that because they lack the confidence and fear making things worse which brings us back to bullies sensing weakness!

Ablondiebutagoody · 09/10/2025 09:01

Bullies pick victims who they can scare, who will be too timid to fight back. They want to issue the "we'll get you after school" threat and have the kid bricking it all day long. Makes them feel good.

From a young age we have to teach DC to fight fire with fire. Don't accept that crap and be willing to use violence if they have to. The bullies just knowing that's the case changes things.

I hate all the "kind hands, tell the teacher" stuff. Doesn't work.