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Original poster

To not understand why DH books a hotel in same town when colleagues visit

187 replies

Christmascountdown25 · 08/10/2025 21:59

Does anyone else find this strange?

DH’s team are spread over England and Wales (head office is where we live) and about 3 times a year, they have a two day meeting at the head office with the staff who travel particularly far put up at a local hotel.

The last two occasions, DH has also stayed at that hotel (he says expensed by the company). His reasoning - he doesn’t want to wake
me (and 2x young DC) midweek when arriving home later after drinking and a free hotel isn’t something to say no to. They always have big socials but he’s usually vague on the detail. He’s one of 3 men and there are 6/7 women, only one of which is local so the rest stay at the hotel.

I just find it so strange. The hotel is a 10
minute drive away from us and he has no issues waking me up when he’s had too many pints with his mates on a Friday night.

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 08/10/2025 22:48

I love me a night away in a hotel and a hotel breakfast.

his comments are ew.

Reachedthefinalstage · 08/10/2025 22:48

So this is a change in his behaviour OP?
He used to always come home after these meetings but it's just the last two times he hasn't.

And this has coincided with him making an inappropriate comment about a recently single woman colleague who will also be staying at the hotel?

Well i think you are right to be suspicious tbh. Because if coming in after a drink has never been a problem before then it's a great coincidence that it is now.

onlymethen · 08/10/2025 22:48

I’m retired now, Even if you lived 10 minutes away you would be expected to stay over in the corporate business I worked in and that’s been standard for my 30 years career.

3luckystars · 08/10/2025 22:39

I think he only apologised because he drew your attention to her. Not for the comment.

shhblackbag · 08/10/2025 22:36

Christmascountdown25 · 08/10/2025 22:21

Said she’s recently single and that he doesn’t know why any man would leave someone with milk tankers like she has got.

He apologised the next morning, but it did upset me.

Show quote history

I mean, that's gross.

shhblackbag · 08/10/2025 22:35

ChaChaChaChanges · 08/10/2025 22:02

I totally understand where he’s coming from, and would do (have done) the exact same in the same type of situation. For me it was about joining in and being part of the team.

All of this. I think it's strange that you can't see that.

BackToRealitySigh · 08/10/2025 22:33

I think it's perfectly normal to stay. I think it is much easier to relax into the evening if you are not on the clock - i've done it when colleagues were staying 20 mins away.
Especially if you are using the conference facilities in the hotel so you can facilitate an earlier start & finish the following day.

CrazyGoatLady · 08/10/2025 22:29

Christmascountdown25 · 08/10/2025 22:21

Said she’s recently single and that he doesn’t know why any man would leave someone with milk tankers like she has got.

He apologised the next morning, but it did upset me.

Show quote history

Eww. I should think he did apologise. Milk tankers? 🙄what a gross comment. Saying things like that about female colleagues doesn't say much about his sense of respect for them as equals. Sounds like something the creepy office lech would say, and that guy is usually given a wide berth by any women with sense.

I would imagine the difference when he goes out with his mates is nobody else stays over, they probably all go home.

LivingTheDreamish · 08/10/2025 22:28

Based on his comment, I understand why you feel uneasy OP. And now that he's made that comment, if he respects you he will no longer stay in the hotel.

ChaChaChaChanges · 08/10/2025 22:27

Christmascountdown25 · 08/10/2025 22:23

No not for a lift. I meant that his explanation here of staying at the hotel of ‘I won’t wake you all up’ doesn’t make sense with how he usually behaves (noisily) if he’s out drinking at the weekend.

Show quote history

Yes, but he doesn’t have the option of a free hotel at the weekend. I honestly think the work based socialising is a red herring.

I’d be far more upset by the milk tankers comment, because it speaks so negatively about how he views women.

DingDongJingle · 08/10/2025 22:25

Christmascountdown25 · 08/10/2025 22:21

Said she’s recently single and that he doesn’t know why any man would leave someone with milk tankers like she has got.

He apologised the next morning, but it did upset me.

Show quote history

Milk tankers 🤢

Original poster
Christmascountdown25 · 08/10/2025 22:23

Tiswa · 08/10/2025 22:21

He wakes you up for a lift when he has had too many - and his children as well?
and talks about someone in crass terms

No not for a lift. I meant that his explanation here of staying at the hotel of ‘I won’t wake you all up’ doesn’t make sense with how he usually behaves (noisily) if he’s out drinking at the weekend.

OP posts:
Tiswa · 08/10/2025 22:21

He wakes you up for a lift when he has had too many - and his children as well?
and talks about someone in crass terms

CrazyGoatLady · 08/10/2025 22:21

I've done this when work events have been held in the city we are nearest to (around 40 min train journey plus a 15 min drive to the nearest station). I'm not a big drinker, but it gave me a night off when DC were younger and meant I was free to get to know my colleagues a bit as humans as well as coworkers and didn't have to stress about the last train being cancelled and having to get an expensive taxi home. In a mostly remote team, you need to meet up IRL occasionally. No shagging ever took place - or not by me, anyway!

As long as you get the same opportunities to have the odd night off where he has the DC solo so you can socialise with your friends or just have a break by yourself in a hotel room to watch TV, eat takeaway and nap if you like, it doesn't seem unreasonable.

summerlovingvibes · 08/10/2025 22:21

We have a company meeting twice a year. I live very centrally and sometimes the hotel can be within 10-15 mins of where I live.

I ALWAYS stay away.

Feels like a treat, big hotel bed to myself, food & drink and not having to worry about anything.

Original poster
Christmascountdown25 · 08/10/2025 22:21

ChaChaChaChanges · 08/10/2025 22:20

What sort of crass terms?

Show quote history

Said she’s recently single and that he doesn’t know why any man would leave someone with milk tankers like she has got.

He apologised the next morning, but it did upset me.

OP posts:
ChaChaChaChanges · 08/10/2025 22:20

Christmascountdown25 · 08/10/2025 22:19

I think I probably am overthinking things. When he was drunk with me recently and discussing work he described one of his colleagues in crass terms (which made me think he likes her) and it has played on my mind.

What sort of crass terms?

jbm16 · 08/10/2025 22:19

I think this is pretty common practice, everyone can stay up late, socialise at breakfast etc.

3luckystars · 08/10/2025 22:19

Yeah I would do that too, so that we could all be together and I wouldn’t be rushing home. It’s team bonding and a good night out is even better when it’s free.

There are many reasons people would do it. Do you suspect he is doing it because he is interested in sleeping with one of the women? That’s possible too.

Anything is possible really!

Original poster
Christmascountdown25 · 08/10/2025 22:19

I think I probably am overthinking things. When he was drunk with me recently and discussing work he described one of his colleagues in crass terms (which made me think he likes her) and it has played on my mind.

OP posts:
DinaofCloud9 · 08/10/2025 22:18

You're waiting for everyone to say he must be cheating aren't you?

Well I don't think he is. I'd do exactly the same if I was in his position.

Ponderingwindow · 08/10/2025 22:16

It’s also convenient to have a space to go if you have a gap between meetings. Sometimes in a long day, taking 20 minutes back in your hotel room can be what keeps you from either going crazy or fighting off yawns during another boring session.

Greggsit · 08/10/2025 22:15

Perfectly normal, I've done the same. It's much easier than having to think about going home, or finding a taxi etc. And team building is important.

LadyTable · 08/10/2025 22:14

Oh come on OP, it's such a treat!

Of course you can understand it.

DingDongJingle · 08/10/2025 22:12

I’ve done the same previously. Firstly it’s a night in a bed on my own, in peace. Secondly there’s usually after party drinks in the hotel bar. Thirdly I don’t get woken up by the kids in the morning. Fourthly it’s a free hotel 🤷🏻‍♀️