To not understand why DH books a hotel in same town when colleagues visit

Are his monthly salary figures the same each month or could they include expenses (which is normal for most companies)?

I'm sorry, I do find him having booked and paid for his own room (even if expensed back) suspicious in itself. If they're hiring a hotel venue for everybody they'll have it all on one central account. If he usually joins them and they pay for it as he says they do, it would be most likely that they'd just add another room to the central booking.

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On the one hand, I've worked for companies who wouldn't bat an eyelid at having even local people stay over at the sales conference.

On the other, I'm afraid that I know all too well how many of them were shagging around at these events.

On one hand I can understand free hotel room yes amazing, bed all to your self and uninterrupted sleep, but yeah I get your suspicion. On the next one get a sitter and say you're coming too, so you can both enjoy that free hotel room. See what he says, that could help you feel out the suspicion

He's made it clear he's interested in a single woman whose big breasts he fancies and he did so in the crudest and most disgusting fashion. To be clear, the number of admiring comments about a woman's breasts he's entitled to make to his wife is zero - but he really was a scuzz bucket about this.

She is one of the women he is partying with, obviously.

He lied about his reasons for wanting to stay out and tried to paint himself as a white knight instead of just saying "Free hotel, can't pass it up, how nice not to have to go home, love a free hotel" - which is what a normal person would have done. How could he possibly think you'd believe his saintly demeanour when he staggers in munted on a Friday night and wakes the house as the norm?

There is obviously a lot, lot, lot more going on here than staying in a hotel. You've been downvoted because of the drip feed and because some women love to shit on other women on this site.

And as for his apology for drooling over another women's breasts in such a disgusting fashion, he could shove that apology right up his arse. It would take a whole lot more than "sorry I was drunk love, snigger snigger, didn''t mean to upset you" to get over the entitlement and disrespect of that, not to mention knowing he wants to fuck someone he works with. Some thoughts are never said out loud. Ever. Not if you care about someone.

Do some digging. There are red flags here. And if you find more, get a lawyer.

Sorry I realise that sounds like I’m calling you insecure, I’m not. I mean that you’re obvs not so your senses are screaming at you for a reason

The thing with this is, if my husband was doing this, it wouldn’t even cross my mind that it was for infidelity or anything disgraceful. So you obvs don’t trust him which unless you’re a bit insecure, is for good reason. Because your spidey sense are normally correct.

Thing is OP is referencing the last time he was away which would have been several months ago now and she said she couldn’t find corresponding reimbursement for that so point still stands that she’s right to be suspicious as you’d expect it to be have been received by now. But you’re right that’s only if it’s paid direct into his bank account as could be via his wage but then it should show a salary payment inflated by corresponding outgoing hotel cost she noticed which she obviously hasn’t seen.

Either way, if he has no other red flags, I did say hopefully it was just a white lie to allow him unfettered time with his work colleagues 🤞

Thats not what happens where I work, there's no benefit to getting expense claims in early as expenses are paid in the following payroll. No one has a separate payment going into their bank account

I have no idea is people spouses are aware of the business expense policy but I hope it doesnt lead to concerns about affairs

She’d have to like him back though for anything to happen. And he doesn’t sound like much of a catch!

If this is the case then yes I would be suspicious tbh

I wouldn’t turn one down on my road 🤣

Sorry if this has been said but when I do expenses for my staff it’s with their wages so you wouldn’t see the specific amount separately in the bank. I know everyone does it differently but just saying

I was going to suggest you find proof he is actually getting these expenses paid, my company wouldn’t pay a hotel room for locals. Hotel rooms for people who don’t live in the area happens in regularly.

I used to do the same when I lived in the same city as my company's headquarters. It was just easier with all of the not mandatory but actually unofficially mandatory team events, internal networking, etc. There was also usually a coffee or breakfast meetup in the morning before the work day started, so it was much easier to just be on site for that. I don't find it remotely strange.

Expenses are added to my wages now in my company and two months after it happened depending on the dates you have submitted them - The two months after is quiet annoying a recent update

I think staying in the hotel is fine, he’s joining in and it’s free. But given your update I can see why you are upset, his comment was disgusting.

Is Dawn the name of the milk-churn lady?

I would never turn down a free hotel room, even in my own town!

I often claim travel expenses. They are added to my salary. Also what would be the point of booking another room if he was having it away with a colleague? Surely they'd share a room.

My expenses could be paid into any acct I wanted and I used an older one not my main one. Now we just use corporate cards.
There is a chance he’s just paying for it himself to make his life easier and doesn’t want to tell you… my current company doesn’t let us expense an overnight if it’s within a certain amount of miles of our homes.
But I could see myself just paying for my own room rather than getting home at midnight then up again at the crack of dawn in your DHs circumstances…

I would do that! He can just focus on work, socialise, wake up in a hotel room and not have to fuss about kids, family, etc.
I have done that in fact. I’m a woman and not having any affairs!
it’s just easy to fall into bed and wake up in a nice room, with no distractions!

sorry commented too early

Same especially for larger amounts

My expenses were always added to my wages, not paid into my bank.

In fairness even if bringing his wife for a freebie doesn't raise eyebrows, you can't cart the kids along to a corporate stay.

I'm kind of on the fence op. Plenty of people would do this innocently, but I'm not sure about lads who can't conceive of ever leaving a "pair of milk tankers" if they had them to hand. I can see why he might not be easy to trust with that sort of talk.