Colleague on maternity leave snapped at me when she visited with her baby

Do you usually struggle with social interactions? Wondering if you can find it difficult to know how to navigate conversations. If not, then the question is vile!

Whether I have children or not is irrelevant and frankly none of your business.

I think you were totally in the wrong for this.

its one thing if she instigated discussion about sex on that occasion post-pregnancy, but she didn’t. you did.

Isn’t it common sense that not every woman feels comfortable having sex straight after birth, she might not feel totally back to normal, might not have a sex drive, might feel insecure or whatever. I don’t think it’s the sort of question you ask, to a colleague on a KIT day. If you were that close, you’d be discussing it over personal messages/in private chat like you would with an actual friend.

I don’t think it’s that she’s being a hypocrite. More that she clearly doesn’t feel comfortable having that discussion with you…because her situation has changed.

You shouldn't have asked regardless of what she said before baby came. You obviously touched a nerve, it's quite possible that like many couples this is an area where things haven't got back on track and may well be causing a bit of issue in the marriage. Lesson learned, never ask parents of a newborn this question.

What a strange attitude. Some.of us absolutely love it when people bring in their baby. If you dont want to say hello then thats absolutely fine, crack on with your work. But dont let those of us who like it miss out.

And its definitely not just women, my DH is always the first one over to see a baby. He adores them.

I also enjoy people bringing in dogs and cakes. Anything to break up the day!

Before she went off on maternity. If you’ve not seen someone for a couple of months you don’t start asking them if they’ve had any action.

If a bloke had asked her it would have been seem as pervy and sexual harassment. But coming out of a womanns mouth is weird and I'd have biten your head off too. Doesn't maytter if she's gobby normally if she's leading the convo. You were out of order.

OP, I don't think you did anything wrong! If you had a close bantery relationship with your colleague/friend, where talking about her love of shagging was common, then this doesn't seem inappropriate at all 🤷🏼‍♀️

A mistake @Shareinvest but if she starts with explicit conversations after she returns from leave, you can shut her down in a similar way. It’s really not appropriate to talk about your sex life at work.

With personal things like a persons sex life it’s better to let them lead. So if she had raised it fine but it’s really not appropriate for you to raise even if she has discussed it in the past. Likelihood is she is sore, emotional and exhausted , she’s unlikely to want to joke about her sex life.

Ironic considering the multiple patronizing responses you had provided. I simply responded in kind.

Enjoy your day.

Well given it was a normal topic of conversation for her I don’t think it was an outrageous ask

I agree.

She did set the tone.

She's probably gotten a bit of a fright now that she's had her baby.

Steer well clear of her because this might come back on you.

You can tell that it's a full moon

Please don't say you said that out loud in front of other colleagues.

Most people under the age of 50 complained about it in my old office and found it distracting. It was never the men who surrounded the women bringing in their new babies awkwardly making the appropriate noises, they just remained at their desk and got on with their work. I actually think the OP's colleague was just as inappropriate for bringing in her baby where everyone was working. It is attention-seeking, presumptuous that your work colleagues care that you had a baby and potentially insensitive to those struggling with loss/conceiving who could be caught off-guard by this. Offices are for working, if you want to show off your baby, why not meet your colleagues who are interested in a cafe?

Yes this. Or she may be infected or incontinent or have healing wounds or prolapse

I think you touched a nerve with her and you got the answer to your question 😂

You don’t speak for majority I’ve always always loved meeting babies that Come in it’s a good mood boost of happy hormones cuddling them

But it wasn’t a man asking her that 🤣

It sounds as if her dh may have brought it up with her, too and you mentioning it was the final straw.

If it was a regular topic of conversation before then I don’t think you were that inappropriate.

Sometimes, women go right off sex after their baby is born.

WTF? You are so lucky if she doesn’t escalate that to HR. Totally inappropriate and imagine if you’d been a male colleague asking her that?? You’d be fired. Send her a card with an apology and hope she forgives you.

Completely agree! Especially if that’s what she usually talks about! I wouldn’t worry about it… just make sure you coo over the baby next time you see her.

Going to disagree with the consensus here... if that is her usual manner, then I don't think you did anything wrong.

I've got a friend, who is very open and actively seeks + enjoys chatting about sexual/intimate things that most people (including me) would not normally find comfortable to discuss..

That is her dynamic, and fair enough - no judgment from me. Every time we meet up, I know that she is going to be open and want to discuss these things...

Having a baby doesn't immediately alter your personality and communication/friendship dynamics and I would expect that seeing her after, she would be somewhat the same. If she has a 180 degree turn, and suddenly got offended at the type of talk we had as our "Normal" dynamic before. I would be annoyed.

How the hell would you know if she's recovered or not? Many people have sex way before then

Perhaps her hormones made her prone to oversharing and combined with a lack of realisation about how she might feel post birth, she may feel embarrassed and shocked that sex and the lack of it had seemed so important. Not that they're unimportant, just less pressing than her current situation.

If you value the relationship, even in working terms, apologise for getting it wrong and simply say you hope she and baby are well.

We are profoundly different after giving birth.

Hopefully you can salvage something, you must be quite friendly for her to visit.